issue185 浪迹北美--请求提出逻辑错误以及词汇毛病谢谢

summer184UID: 2280872

Issue185
Scandals---whether in politics, academia, or other areas----can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Outline:
1, 丑闻不能作为关注问题的准则，并且，否定演说家和改革家的作用也是荒谬的。
2，丑闻与吸引我们注意联系起来让人们感觉媒体故意炒作，丑闻给人让人看不到事情的真相，丑闻让人看到社会的灰暗，总让人沮丧。而演说家总给人信心，鼓舞，成功。举例
3，丑闻普遍是消极的，它能也仅仅能注意问题而解决不了。改革家尤其是科学家可以担当这个角色不断质疑并且试图解决问题。举例
4，让步一句，丑闻能给人警告，但我把其解释为被动的警告，而合理的和严谨的方法是主动对待问题。

Scandal became front-page news in newspaper nowadays, such as the sexual scandal of President Clinton and Monica Levinsky, the Stimulant scandal of Diego Armando Maradona in World Cup 1994, even some Plagiarism in certain academic, perhaps people have thinking deeply on moral standard of honor, ethics, and honesty through the broken scandals. Nevertheless, it should be pointed that it is a seriously misleading to take this way remark as a practical principle to notice problem. Furthermore, it is presumptuous to deny the affection of speaker and reformer according to this statement.

The event of "scandal", especially when it is connection with "abstract our attention", strongly implies that some medium agent, which take advantage of the curiosity of people, are engaged in an act of cooking up a hype. This acting sometimes cover up the truth and spread the side of glooming, for the character of scandals is depression and inactive. By contrary, the speaker is synonymous with confidence, motivation and success, such as Zig Ziglar, whose unique brand of logic and enthusiasm are overwhelming. Therefore, we can see the world with a more speedy and fruitful view from the speaker rather than resort to scandals as the sole source, as is advocated by the foregoing argument.

Moreover, since scandal is generally negative, it carries the implication that only notification not resolution. If we allow ourselves to cherish the blind faith in the scandal, a serious consequences would ensure thereof that we become more and more captiousness and drop into the sea of suspicion overload. However, the reformer especially certain scientists play the role of social pioneer to incessant query and try to resolve it. We undertake perilous expeditious to the South Pole under the awareness of discovery alternative energy sources, which we already have but are depleting an alarming rate. Thus, we should share a belief that scandal is only a formalist not a pragmatist, and even sometimes it likes a pessimist.

Admittedly, scandal could give people a warning we have never question before. But I would rather interpret this as an act of being passive. A more plausible and compelling way for human existence is to reflect on the event initiatively through his right methodologies.

ps:字数太少了366，总觉得缺少某一方面，但不知道说些什么，请路过的看看有没有逻辑上的错误，然后就是词汇和语法方面，谢谢！

approachUID: 2101189

Issue185
Scandals---whether in politics, academia, or other areas----can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Outline:
1, 丑闻不能作为关注问题的准则，并且，否定演说家和改革家的作用也是荒谬的。
2，丑闻与吸引我们注意联系起来让人们感觉媒体故意炒作，丑闻给人让人看不到事情的真相，丑闻让人看到社会的灰暗，总让人沮丧。而演说家总给人信心，鼓舞，成功。举例
3，丑闻普遍是消极的，它能也仅仅能注意问题而解决不了。改革家尤其是科学家可以担当这个角色不断质疑并且试图解决问题。举例
4，让步一句，丑闻能给人警告，但我把其解释为被动的警告，而合理的和严谨的方法是主动对待问题。


题目在说scandals和speaker不同作用时候,强调的是in ways,你要考虑演讲鼓动和丑闻的揭露两者间"方式"有什么区别?这种方式导致的对社会大众有无影响力,能否比演讲更有吸引性从而会否真正解决问题?还是说人们只是关注一下丑闻罢了,社会有关部门在丑闻风波过后能否从其中得出教训进行社会改进?




Scandal became front-page news in newspaper nowadays, such as the sexual scandal of President Clinton and Monica Levinsky, the Stimulant scandal of Diego Armando Maradona in World Cup 1994, even some Plagiarism in certain academic, perhaps people have thinking deeply on moral standard of honor, ethics, and honesty through the broken scandals. Nevertheless, it should be pointed that it is a seriously misleading to take this way remark as a practical principle to notice problem. Furthermore, it is presumptuous to deny the affection of speaker and reformer according to this statement.这句话是你这段的topic sentence,你可以将它放到第一句来说,然后后面分析WHY,接着跟几个例子

The event of "scandal", especially when it is connection with "abstract our attention", strongly implies that some medium agent, which take advantage of the curiosity of people, are engaged in an act of cooking up a hype. This acting sometimes cover up the truth and spread the side of glooming, for the character of scandals is depression and inactive. By contrary, the speaker is synonymous with confidence, motivation and success, such as Zig Ziglar, whose unique brand of logic and enthusiasm are overwhelming. Therefore, we can see the world with a more speedy and fruitful view from the speaker rather than resort to scandals as the sole source, as is advocated by the foregoing argument.

字数少其实不用考虑多加某方面观点来充字数,更多的是把一个观点说明白,说透彻,一层一层地分析,从你的分析中体现出逻辑性,才是得分的关键.比如这段,逻辑关系是,丑闻的传播方式是利用大众的好奇心,然后分析它的影响效果,对受众的,对社会的,之后社会有没有从中吸取教训改进?与其对应的是演讲的方式,它的结果,对受众的,社会的等.以此来比较二者方式的不同,从而说明是否useful,或者哪个更useful

Moreover, since scandal is generally negative, it carries the implication that only notification not resolution.WHY?因为是消极的,就能推倒出它不能解决问题?没有逻辑关系,或许你的心中有他们怎么样构成联系的,那么就写下来,这样才是得分的关键.否则你是把最重要的逻辑分析丢掉了. If we allow ourselves to cherish the blind faith in the scandal, a serious consequences would ensure thereof that we become more and more captiousness 第一反映是没想到会引发这样一个结果,后来想想,大约是你想说,丑闻的出现就是因为人们对一些平常事太苛刻导致一些其实并不重要的事情被媒体夸大而暴光吧?其实丑闻是这样的吗?大多还是真正的阴暗面被揭发出来吧,学术界的韩国那个黄禹锡,政治界的水门事件....并不是人们去怀疑去鸡蛋里挑骨头,而确实是一些名人在重要问题上做错了之后被揭发...and drop into the sea of suspicion overload. However, the reformer especially certain scientists play the role of social pioneer to incessant query and try to resolve it. We undertake perilous expeditious to the South Pole under the awareness of discovery alternative energy sources, which we already have but are depleting an alarming rate. Thus, we should share a belief that scandal is only a formalist not a pragmatist, and even sometimes it likes a pessimist.

Admittedly, scandal could give people a warning we have never question before. But I would rather interpret this as an act of being passive.WHY?继续说下去,解释一下为什么你觉得是被动的，这样字数不就多了嘛 A more plausible and compelling way for human existence is to reflect on the event initiatively through his right methodologies.接上面说,passive的为什么不行,例子?然后转折说要主动的对待问题,为什么要这样?有什么好处?

ps:字数太少了366，总觉得缺少某一方面，但不知道说些什么，请路过的看看有没有逻辑上的错误，然后就是词汇和语法方面，谢谢！



字数少可以加一个开头段和结尾段,以上四段作为BODY段.开头一般就是阐述问题,然后列出自己的观点,是BODY段的MAP.结尾段搞个总结.

读完你的文章后知道你字数为什么少了,你的文章大多都是主题句,我自己俗称它为观点句,而这样你好不容易想出的观点写下后,并没有接下来解释一下.这样自己既累,字数又少.如果意思顺的话,解释一下还可以多点字,如果意思不顺,很多时候别人难以跟上你跳跃的思维,其实A和B两句话之间我知道你已经有自己的联系在里面了,可是它在你的脑子里,而不是机考的屏幕上,要把你的思路敲出来证明给评卷人看,这样才是逻辑.


附送论坛里相关的资料,你也可以自己进行关键字搜索ISSUE185,看看别人的文章里的思路.
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ;highlight=ISSUE185
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ;highlight=ISSUE185

summer184UID: 2280872

谢谢版主的评论，呵呵，真的太感谢了！
1，写作时我的感觉也是思维太跳跃了，虽然有的时候想得很多，但一到写的时候就不能集中思路，经常会东一句，西一句。
2，还有你说的应该把主题句展开，这个也是我的缺点，我边读你的意见边看文章，就感觉我好像在给人分享我的个人价值观，而这些价值观是如何形成的，没有表达出来，即使有几句，也很模糊。

我分析为什么会这样子呢？（我自己有个blog，在朋友圈里人气还算可以，同学经常会问我为什么这么能写blog，怎么有这么多想法，那些想法都从哪里来的？那为什么用中文能说这么多并且有深度换成英语就不行了呢？不觉得不仅仅是英语单词句式语法的问题！）

仔细想想主要是我的这些观点（也可以说主题句ts）并不是我看到题目马上想出来的，而是我看了别人或者北美一些范文后“造”出来的，因为总想着自己应该和别人不一样，别人同意丑闻的利，如果我也同意，写出来就没有什么新异了，所以就想试着从别的角度写。这样写出来首先没把自己说明白，至少是保持怀疑，那么读者肯定也会有同感的！有些观点我明明知道应该写出来的，比如issue38之前写过的，书本和电视比起来体积小携带方便这一点，当时也想到了，但后来看了北美等范文后，发现也写到了，就觉得自己写出来会很幼稚，不深刻。自己就想怎么才能深刻，找了好多资料，包括一些中文外文的评论，甚至还有从医学视觉效果的评论，看的头都晕了，写的过程也很累，有些句子就是不知道怎么表达！到目前issue也没写几篇，心里都有点怕了:confused:

看了评论后我要好好总结一下，还有之前写的犯过同样毛病的。
再次谢谢！