issue130 [米国有米]第10次作业

森林116UID: 2272614

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."   

Now in the such a civilized world and a modern socirty that most parents put much more attention the education of their childern than the past, so do the whole society. Basing on the resl-life, I find the author’s dual assertions are special on both count, for the socialization of children won’t determines the destiny of society absolutely and nobody can asser the way we raise children can’t help to bring about a better scoiety.     

As all knows, it is believed that children means human’s tomorrow, in some degree we may assert that how the children educated today determines the destiny of society tomorrow, however, socializing children is only one part of the whole huge education, which contians the mastery of some relative foundmenntal knowledges, dealing with each other, ability of playing to the score and adapting to the tansformation of the surroundings and so on besides. If we look up to the grown-up experiences of these famous successful people, we will found that the socialization in their childhood accounts for the less part, while these other facts which I listed above accounts for more. So we can conclude that what determines the destiny of sociaty is not only thay how children are socialized today.

What’s more, we couln’ deny and ignore the negative affects of the socialization on the children. As children are premature in both physical and spirital aspect that they couldn’t consider all-sidely when they are facing some complex affairs, especially if they contact the society too early. In our daily-life, it is common to see that some parents who make too high expection on their children that send them abroad or some children who want to be independence earlier leave home and seek for their fortune in other places in the country, a majority of these get worse result and suffer loses except some special ones of precocity. Thus, how can we say these socialized children can bring us a better society?

In addition, have we learnt how to raise children who can help bring about a better society? Maybe in some extent we have to say no..However, as the developing of the each aspect of human society including technology, science, ecnomic etc, the specialists of all realms especially educationalists are commiting themselves to cultivating the next general while the demands of these realms are also becoming higher and stricter, as the result that there are always new stars coming out continiously, we can generally conclude that we have mastered some methods of raising children who can help bring a better society, though we may make some mistakes in the progress and still unknow to other successful methods.

To sum up, I would like to ingeminate that the destiny of our society is largely determined by all sorts fators which including the socialization of children which the author asserts, and though we haven’t mastered the perfect method completely of learning to raise excellent children, our raising brings about a better society indeed.

[ 本帖最后由 森林116 于 2007-1-14 01:50 编辑 ]

ernest81888UID: 2247639

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."   

Now in the such a civilized world and a modern socirty that most parents put much more attention (+on)the education of their childern than the past, so do the whole society. Basing on the resl-life, I find the author’s dual assertions are special on both count, for the socialization of children won’t determines the destiny of society absolutely and nobody can asser the way we raise children can’t help to bring about a better scoiety. (这句话有点语法问题 nobody can assert that the way we raising chiildren can't help to bring about a better society)   

As all knows, it is believed that children means human’s tomorrow(furture更好点), in some degree we may assert that how the children educated today determines the destiny of society tomorrow, however, socializing children is only one part of the whole huge education, which contians the mastery of some relative foundmenntal knowledges, dealing with each other, ability of playing to the score and adapting to the tansformation of the surroundings and so on besides(Besides,). If we look up(back) to the grown-up experiences of these famous successful people, we will found that the socialization in their childhood accounts for the less part, while these(去掉吧) other facts which I listed above accounts for more. So we can conclude that what determines the destiny of sociaty is not only thay how children are socialized today.

意思表达出来的,可能缺的是一点例子,这样的话会更好.总体不错,不过注意下句式的多变


What’s more, we couln’(could not,笔误吧) deny and ignore the negative affects of the socialization on the children. As children are premature in both physical and spirital aspect that they couldn’t consider all-sidely when they are facing some complex affairs, especially if they contact the society too early. In our daily-life, it is common to see that some parents who make too high expection on their children that send them(最好用下their kids 好了,不然指代有点模糊) abroad or some children who want to be independence earlier leave home and seek for their fortune in other places in the country, a majority of these get worse result and suffer loses except some special ones of precocity.(这句话写的好长,感觉有点混乱,但我水平有限,你自己在斟酌下) Thus, how can we say these socialized children can bring us a better society?


In addition, have we learnt how to raise children who can help bring about a better society? Maybe in some extent we have to say no.(我觉得写这句话,还不如写个事实,maybe it is true ,compared with whole, there are only a small number of children can be successful or eliment in their life) .However, as the developing of the each aspect of human society including technology, science, ecnomic etc, the specialists of all realms especially educationalists are commiting themselves to cultivating the next general while the demands of these realms are also becoming higher and stricter, as the result that there are always new stars coming out continiously, (+thus)we can generally conclude that we have mastered some methods of raising children who can help bring a better society, though we may make some mistakes in the progress and still unknow to other successful methods.

To sum up, I would like to ingeminate that the destiny of our society is largely determined by all sorts fators which(去掉which) including the socialization of children which(which 用太多了,这里用AS吧) the author asserts, and though we haven’t mastered the perfect method completely of learning to raise excellent children, our raising brings about a better society indeed,
(after all, it could be actually widerly seen the raising method we used now makes the society keep progressive.).

小森林加油,这篇文章好难写,我感觉你的思路很对,第2段说孩子需要其他方面的内在因素也写的很好.
问题嘛,大家都一样,句式可能单调了点,变换的词不多.我最近也在犯这个愁. 还有以后让我改,自己先改一遍哈,卡卡卡~~~~~总体不错,词句慢慢提高......A ZA A ZA~~~~

森林116UID: 2272614

呵呵，谢谢批改~~