Issue150 ScorpionSky--Hamming组 第一次冲刺作业

ScorpionSkyUID: 2273954

150. "Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."由于电视和全球范围内的计算机网络，人们现在可以熟悉很多以前从未涉足过的地方。其结果就是使得旅游变得过时了。
(旅游将会被淘汰)
技术进步对人类社会的影响之旅游
Date: 01-15-2007




观点:不同意
The speaker asserts that, about tourism, there are a large number of programs performed on the TV sets and there is also enough convenient to get to know information which concerned tourism on the Internet. Moreover, the speaker also believes that people were intent to stay at home and no longer to travel from there far for pleasure. However, to my way of thinking, tourism will never be an old fashion for being an excellent way to relax and recreation, setting aside however advanced of modern technology. On the contrary, they able to help public to select places where they most desired to go.

Back to the old times, apart from local scenic spots and noted key points of interest, common people knows little about those places where especially for tourism. Even though they could know well from books or listened from others’ speeches, most people were still not clear that where they really desired for a travel. Because they had no way to acquire sound information about those interesting places, and depend on these information to make a compare, further to make a rational plan. This plan maybe just a trip to a neighboring city enjoyed a weekend or a distant driving through several states for a journey. Unfortunately, such a plan seems easier to take until nowadays than the ever past time.

The best advantage of these days is the rapid development of technologies. As long as (so long as, so far as, only if) through TV and computer connectivity we shall acknowledge more and more information about outside world. We could content in the vivid pictures moving on the screen, and image yourselves walking on the Great Wall or pyramid, which are too far to visit personally. But you must have been inspired to desire to see them by yourself, if only you have sufficient time and enough money, you will go. Therefore, the television and Internet are not very possible to weaken the passion of the people to travel. On the other hand, they will increase the popular level of the tourism.

Especially when a new sight opening to public, if there is neither TV nor Internet to help, it is sure that the prosperity of the new sight spot must has a long way to go. Not only to the development of tourism but also for people who want to adopt a healthy and meaningful life style, it is important to make use of modern technology. As it were, along with the rapid development of society, the more improvement of machines the greater pressure human beings should to afford. Consequently, everybody ought to learn taking care of himself and we must find time to enjoy trips with our parents or friends. The television and Internet will in favor of us for collect sufficient information to benefit our travel plans.

In sum, no one can deny the basic fact that it is impossible that any an individual could travel around the whole world, as well as, nobody is expected to replace the amusement of tourism only by watching television or operating computer. As for me, I’m in favor of the opinion that individuals could acquire information about tourism—gate price (entrance price?), the weather condition, or other available reports—and then everyone own could do more favorable trips, visit some noted sights or see other nature scenes, these practical activities will grace our boring life very much.

expire7UID: 2160574

seat taken

expire7UID: 2160574

150. "Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete."由于电视和全球范围内的计算机网络，人们现在可以熟悉很多以前从未涉足过的地方。其结果就是使得旅游变得过时了。
(旅游将会被淘汰)
技术进步对人类社会的影响之旅游

Date: 01-15-2007

观点:不同意

The speaker asserts that, about tourism, there are a large number of programs performed on the TV sets and there is also enough convenient（名词？） to get to know information which concerned tourism on the Internet（句式结构散乱，虽然的确写得复杂，不过用得不好。第一个there be句型，感觉与题目无直接关系，如果加上旅游信息什么的药好点。第二个里面套的复句反而打乱阅读的印象，不算是一种好的方式。）. Moreover, the speaker also believes that people were intent to stay at home and no longer to travel from there far（from there far不懂？） for pleasure. However, to my way of thinking, tourism will never be an old fashion for being an excellent way to relax and recreation, setting aside however advanced of modern technology（后半句和旅游业有什么联系？没有点明，首段要开门见山）. On the contrary, they able to help public to select places where they most desired to go.（最后一句和前面几句接得不好。如果说，它们反而会促进旅游业发展。感觉更配合题目还有你前面的铺垫。我觉得你这里写成总结性的更有声势。你的观点是完全反对，那么这里on the contrary就是第一次点明你的观点。所以，需要修改。）


Back to the old times, apart from local scenic spots and noted key points of interest, common people knows little about those places where especially for tourism. Even though they could know well from books or listened from others’ speeches, most people were still not clear that where they really desired for a travel. Because they had no way to acquire sound information about those interesting places, and depend on these information to make a compare（名词吧）, further to make a rational plan. This plan maybe just a trip to a neighboring city enjoyed a weekend or a distant driving through several states for a journey. Unfortunately, such a plan seems easier to take until nowadays than the ever past time.（个人觉得，如果写有些人因为书本或者听说的消息去了很远的国家旅游，最后发现不如想象中好。可能加在里面说服力更强。配合你的TS。）


The best advantage of these days is the rapid development of technologies. As long as (so long as, so far as, only if) through TV and computer connectivity we shall acknowledge more and more information about outside world. We could content in（with） the vivid pictures moving on the screen, and image yourselves walking on the Great Wall or pyramid, which are too far to visit personally. But you must have been inspired to desire to see them by yourself, if only you have sufficient time and enough money, you will go.（第二人称少用，用people好了。） Therefore, the television and Internet are not very possible to weaken the passion of the people to travel. On the other hand, they will increase the popular level of the tourism.


Especially when a new sight opening to public, if there is neither TV nor Internet to help, it is sure that the prosperity of the new sight spot must has a long way to go. Not only to the development of tourism but also for people who want to adopt a healthy and meaningful life style, it is important to make use of modern technology. As it were, along with the rapid development of society, the more improvement of machines the greater pressure human beings should to afford. Consequently, everybody ought to learn taking care of himself and we must find time to enjoy trips with our parents or friends. The television and Internet will in favor of us for collect sufficient information to benefit our travel plans.（没看出与题目的关系，似乎跑题了）


In sum, no one can deny the basic fact that it is impossible that any an individual could travel around the whole world, as well as, nobody is expected to replace the amusement of tourism only by watching television or operating computer. As for me, I’m in favor of the opinion that individuals could acquire information about tourism—gate price (entrance price?), the weather condition, or other available reports—and then everyone own could do more favorable trips, visit some noted sights or see other nature scenes, these practical activities will grace our boring life very much.结尾稍离题。

写作还是不错。审题还需仔细。加油。

[ 本帖最后由 expire7 于 2007-1-16 21:12 编辑 ]

ScorpionSkyUID: 2273954

先谢谢修改~
正在郁闷中,冲刺有点让人崩溃,需要高人多指点,无限感谢~

sisong2003UID: 2154005

高人改了,我就省省了