[a习作temp] Argument26 【四海一家】第一次作业 [复制链接]

Puppy22
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发表于 2007-1-30 22:31:34 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ARGUMENT26 - The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.
"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."

正文：

The memo recommends Mr. Charles Schade, from the Steel City High School, to plan and direct the general music education programs seems reasonable. The outstanding records of the school band and the improvement of facilities and musical instruments suggest that Mr. Shade will have a brilliant career if he is promoted. But after scrutinizing the evidences, the support from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda is not convincing actually.

Firstly, the recommendation says that the school band won three regional band competitions in the past five years. But as is known to all, in order to figure out the improvement, the achievement should be compared with the records in history. But there is no single word indicating that the predecessor of the school band did worse than Mr. Schade. As a result, we may assume that the school band of Steel City High School once had won all the regional, even national music contests. Therefore, it is possible that after under the direction of Mr. Schade, the school band is on the decline which for sure is not able to certify the ability of him. Without considering the comparison, no conclusion could be made to prove the abilities of Mr. Schade.

Even though the improvement of the school band exists, it is unfair to attribute all the effort to Mr. Schade. One probability is that the school band enrolls some brilliant instrument performers. It could not be denied that a good concertmaster is able to determine the whole concert. So is the importance of skilled bandsmen. Since the old saying is that if you have no hand you can't make a fist, the hardworking of the members of the band is crucial as well. Moreover, the improvements such as instruments and training system also greatly affect the level of the school band. Altogether, the awards are based on the effort of the staff as well as the students.

Another problem of the evidence is that there is no significant connection between the music director of school band and the director of the music education program for the entire district. In school, teaching and instructing is the essential task while the latter position pays more attention to management and supervision. No evidence shows that the one accustomed to concrete work will surely deal with the administration work properly. In additional that the director of the whole program is quite important that there should be more candidates exist besides Mr. Schade. Maybe the one who have similar experience will fit the job better than him.

In summary, it is clearly that the chairman of the school board fails to provide persuasive evidences to support his recommendation of Mr. Charles Schade to supervise the music education programs of the entire Saluda school system. It is necessary that more convincing facts and evidences should be added to show the abilities of Mr. Schade. And then the evaluation of him can be started again together with other potential candidates in order to make sure that the system will under the supervision properly and effectively.

用时45min，字数514
第一次写Argument,感觉忒爽,把写Issue时候的压抑全爆发出来了,不过估计模仿痕迹有点,而且超时了,不太会写……所以欢迎拍砖……

[ 本帖最后由 Puppy22 于 2007-1-31 10:21 编辑 ]

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dream191919
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发表于 2007-2-3 10:00:02 |只看该作者

Argument26 【四海一家】第一次作业

TOPIC: ARGUMENT26 - The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.
"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."

正文：

The memo recommends Mr. Charles Schade, from the Steel City High School, to plan and direct the general music education programs seems reasonable. The outstanding records of the school band and the improvement of facilities and musical instruments suggest that Mr. Shade will have a brilliant career if he is promoted(晋升). But after scrutinizing the evidences, the support from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda is not convincing actually.

Firstly, the recommendation says that the school band won three regional band competitions in the past five years. But as is known to all, in order to figure out the improvement, the achievement should be compared with the records in history. But there is no single word indicating that the predecessor of the school band did worse than Mr. Schade. As a result, we may assume that the school band of Steel City High School once had won all the regional, even national music contests. Therefore, it is possible that after （after 是否能去掉）under the direction of Mr. Schade, the school band is on the decline which for sure is not able to certify the ability of him. Without considering the comparison, no conclusion could be made to prove the abilities of Mr. Schade.

Even though the improvement of the school band exists, it is unfair to attribute all the effort to Mr. Schade. One probability is that the school band enrolls some brilliant instrument performers. It could not be denied that a good concertmaster is able to determine the whole concert. So is the importance of skilled bandsmen. Since the old saying is that if you have no hand you can't make a fist, the hardworking of the members of the band is crucial as well. Moreover, the improvements such as instruments and training system also greatly affect the level of the school band. Altogether, the awards are based on the effort of the staff as well as the students. [考虑得很全面，列举他因做得很好]

Another problem of the evidence is that there is no significant connection between the music director of school band and the director of the music education program for the entire district. In school, teaching and instructing is the essential task while the latter position（没理解是什么意思，是指一个人吗？） pays more attention to management and supervision. No evidence shows that the one accustomed to concrete work will surely deal with the administration work properly. In additional that the director of the whole program is quite important that there should be more candidates exist besides Mr. Schade. Maybe the one who have similar experience will fit the job better than him.[能不能从推理和逻辑上找问题，不一定光举一些其他可能性的例子去证明]

In summary, it is clearly（clear） that the chairman of the school board fails to provide persuasive evidences to support his recommendation of Mr. Charles Schade to supervise the music education programs of the entire Saluda school system. It is necessary that more convincing facts and evidences should be added to show the abilities of Mr. Schade. And then the evaluation of him can be started again together with other potential candidates in order to make sure that the system will under the supervision properly and effectively.