issue41 【076G－背水一战小组】第一次作业 请拍～！

kylinUID: 2242436

41"Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."

——提纲——
1.Indeed, nonmainstream areas of inquiry satisfy human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science.  But it doesn't mean the nonmainstream areas of inquiry play vital role in society.
2a.In general, the mainstream sciences are profound to many people in society and they seem so serious because they are academic researches.
2b. When the fortune-telling, psychic and paranormal pursuits grow out of innocuous entertainment, they are counterproductive to serenity of the whole society.
2c. When supernatural stories are twisted with realistic phenomena, people will feel confused and unable to discriminate between them.
3. only treat as enteraiment, can't be regarded as vital as science, can't instead to be the spiritual power of people.

——正文——
Do the nonmainstream areas, including the likes of astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits, play an essential role in society? The speaker contends so, for the reason that such areas of inquiry are able to meet human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science. I concede that a lot of people, including myself, are indeed interested in them., it doesn't mean, however, nonmainstream areas of inquiry are as vital as the mainstream sciences to people's life.

Admittedly, in general, the mainstream sciences are profound to many people in society and they seem so serious because they are academic researches. Compared to listening to a lecture about the big-bang theory of the origin of the universe delivered by Hawking, I believe most people would rather choosing to enjoy "the Lord of the Rings", a masterpiece of Fantasy, for relaxing and entertaining. In spite of both the Hawking's research and the movie "the Lord of the Rings" are productions of science and technology, the latter brings people visual fascination by showing abundant of paranormal things, which are beyond audiences' imagination so that absolutely content people's curiosity and dream. This illustrates that even if mainstream science is inevitable to society, those nonmainstream areas can polish people's life to be more colorful.

Aside from forgoing proviso, nevertheless, when the fortune-telling, psychic and paranormal pursuits grow out of innocuous entertainment, they are counterproductive to serenity of the whole society. Someone may malignantly utilize them to create unnecessary panics, whether at personal, community, or global levels. At personal level, fans of astrology may believe there are lucky days and black days destined in every month, so they will even refuse to go outside on his or her "black days". At community level, the residents, especially in Eastern Asia, who lend their credence of living conditions on the geomancy, would be terrified as a Taoist priest appears to claim that the geomancy of their community is not good，and the priest’s words may result in groups of residents moving out. Finally, at global level, I think no one would forget the Apocalyptic Millennialism when 2000 was coming, which led a worldwide pandemonium. Notwithstanding, the warning of the earth would explode when 20th century came to the end has been substantiated as an absurd lie with the reality that now every living thing on the earth is still vivid and has stridden into another new century. So people's exaggerative reliance on things of nonmainstream areas will make people lose the faith to optimistically struggle against fate, or give up to make effort for better future.

Furthermore, when supernatural stories are twisted with realistic phenomena, people will feel confused and unable to discriminate between them. For instance, Crop Circles, the famous strange and mysterious shapes in fields, have been tormented scientists for centuries, for there are no physical evidences neither for proving they are made by human beings nor for convincing that they are works of aliens. Although more and more scientists argue that there are no aliens, the question of the existence of aliens remains ambiguous along with the growing fame of the secret Crop Circles. Thus, if reality messed with unsubstantiated events or so-called "paranormal things", it is more likely that people would be bewildered instead of being satisfied.

In sum, from what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that the nonmainstream areas, such as astrology, fortune-telling and so forth, which are only tricks for amusement, can't afford to be the spiritual power of people and should not be regarded as vital as science.

[ 本帖最后由 kylin 于 2007-1-31 22:58 编辑 ]

tongwawawUID: 2176887

Do the non mainstream areas, including the likes of astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits, play an essential role in society? The speaker contends so, for the reason that such areas of inquiry are able to meet human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science. I concede that a lot of people, including myself, are indeed interested in them., it doesn't mean, however, nonmainstream areas of inquiry are as vital as the mainstream sciences to people's life.

Admittedly, in general, the mainstream sciences are profound to many people in society and they seem so serious because they are academic researches. Compared to listening to a lecture about the big-bang theory of the origin of the universe delivered by Hawking, I believe most people would rather choosing to enjoy "the Lord of the Rings", a masterpiece of Fantasy, for relaxing and entertaining. In spite of both the Hawking's research and the movie "the Lord of the Rings" are productions of science and technology, the latter brings people visual fascination by showing abundant of paranormal things, which are beyond audiences' imagination so that absolutely content people's curiosity and dream. This illustrates that even if mainstream science is inevitable to society, those nonmainstream areas can polish people's life to be more colorful.
没找到错误～：）

Aside from forgoing proviso, nevertheless, when the fortune-telling, psychic and paranormal pursuits grow out of innocuous entertainment, they are counterproductive to serenity of the whole society. Someone may malignantly utilize them to create unnecessary panics, whether at personal, community, or global levels. At personal level, fans of astrology may believe there are lucky days and black days destined in every month, so they will even refuse to go outside on his or her "black days". At community level, the residents, especially in Eastern Asia, who lend their credence of living conditions on the geomancy, would be terrified as a Taoist priest appears to claim that the geomancy of their community is not good，and the priest’s words may result in groups of residents moving out. Finally, at global level, I think no one would forget the Apocalyptic Millennialism when 2000 was coming, which led a worldwide pandemonium. Notwithstanding, the warning of the earth would explode when 20th century came to the end has been substantiated as an absurd lie with the reality that now every living thing on the earth is still vivid and has stridden into another new century. So people's exaggerative reliance on things of nonmainstream areas will make people lose the faith to optimistically struggle against fate, or give up to make effort for better future.
分三方面论证，很有层次感～举例也很恰当～值得学习Furthermore, when supernatural stories are twisted with realistic phenomena, people will feel confused and unable to discriminate between them. For instance, Crop Circles, the famous strange and mysterious shapes in fields, have been tormented scientists for centuries, for there are no physical evidences neither for proving they are made by human beings nor for convincing that they are works of aliens. Although more and more scientists argue that there are no aliens, the question of the existence of aliens remains ambiguous along with the growing fame of the secret Crop Circles. Thus, if reality messed with unsubstantiated events or so-called "paranormal things", it is more likely that people would be bewildered instead of being satisfied.（最后到底是什么原因呢？很好奇～）

In sum, from what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that the nonmainstream areas, such as astrology, fortune-telling and so forth, which are only tricks（这个词用得不错） for amusement, can't afford to be the spiritual power of people and should not be regarded as vital as science.
总结：
1．全篇没有找到语法以及拼写错误
2．采用多种论证方式：B1为对比论证
                  B2层次分明＋例证
                  B3 例证
3．文章内容充实丰富，楼主是学地理的吗？呵呵

总之比我强好多，我要像你学习～盼望你有空能看看俺地文章，写得实在不匝地，请指教
我会继续关注你的文章～你被我给盯上啦


[ 本帖最后由 tongwawaw 于 2007-2-1 11:12 编辑 ]

flaflagogoUID: 2280642

Do the nonmainstream areas, including the likes of astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits, play an essential role in society? The speaker contends so, for the reason that such areas of inquiry are able to meet human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science. I concede that a lot of people, including myself, are indeed interested in them., it doesn't mean, however, nonmainstream areas of inquiry are as vital as the mainstream sciences to people's life.

Admittedly, in general, (把in general 改成 most of更好一些)the mainstream sciences are(+too) profound to(for) many people in society and they seem so serious because they are academic researches. Compared to （comparing with）listening to a lecture about the big-bang theory of the origin of the universe delivered by Hawking, I believe most people would rather choosing(choose) to enjoy "the Lord of the Rings", a masterpiece of Fantasy, for relaxing and entertaining. In spite of both the Hawking's research and the movie "the Lord of the Rings" are productions of science and technology（在这里提这个有点破坏衔接感）, the latter brings people visual fascination by showing abundant of paranormal things, which are beyond audiences' imagination so that（连词，后面要加主语，而且觉得加absolutely有点太强硬了） absolutely content（使人满意，用meet or satisfy） people's curiosity and dream. This illustrates that even if mainstream science is inevitable to society, those nonmainstream areas can polish people's life to be more colorful.(感觉例子太牵强了，相比霍金的理论人们爱看指环王并不能说人们更喜欢超自然的力量……难道不是因为它是电影吗？那些卖座的电影可不全是充满超自然东东……我是不是太阿狗了？还有这段强调了两点，一点是主流科学避不可少，一点是相比复杂无聊的主流科学，有点非主流的东东会增加生活乐趣。建议LZ分开说，这段看着有点思维跳跃)

Aside from forgoing proviso（呵呵，没看懂 是foregoing吗？）, nevertheless, when the fortune-telling, psychic and paranormal pursuits grow out of innocuous entertainment, they are counterproductive to serenity of the whole society. Someone may malignantly utilize them to create unnecessary panics, whether at personal, community, or global levels. At personal level, fans of astrology may believe there are lucky days and black days destined in every month, so they will even refuse to go outside on his or her "black days". At community level, the residents, especially in Eastern Asia, who lend their credence of living conditions on the geomancy, would be terrified as a Taoist priest appears to claim that the geomancy of their community is not good，and the priest’s words may result in groups of residents moving out. Finally, at global level, I think no one would forget the Apocalyptic Millennialism when 2000 was coming, which led a worldwide pandemonium. Notwithstanding, the warning of the earth would explode when 20th century came to the end has been substantiated as an absurd lie with the reality that now every living thing on the earth is still vivid and has stridden into another new century. So people's exaggerative reliance on things of nonmainstream areas will make people lose the faith to optimistically struggle against fate, or give up to make effort for better future.(这段例证就好多了，感觉LZ用词很丰富，有好多我吃不准的就不给你瞎提意见了）

Furthermore, when supernatural stories are twisted with realistic phenomena, people will feel confused and unable to discriminate between them. For instance, Crop Circles, the famous strange and mysterious shapes in fields, have been（删） tormented scientists for centuries, for there are no physical evidences neither for proving they are made by human beings nor for convincing that they are works of aliens. Although more and more scientists argue that there are no aliens, the question of the existence of aliens remains ambiguous along with the growing fame of the secret Crop Circles. Thus, if reality messed with unsubstantiated events or so-called "paranormal things", it is more likely that people would be bewildered instead of being satisfied（对啥感到满足？没太看懂）.

In sum, from what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that the nonmainstream areas, such as astrology, fortune-telling and so forth, which are only tricks for amusement, can't afford to be the spiritual power of people and should not be regarded as vital as science.（这个结尾跟全文内容不太沾边，应该说对人们有害。文中也没提到不应该跟科学一样受重视这个话）


拙见一堆,呵呵,说得不对的地方告诉偶

[ 本帖最后由 flaflagogo 于 2007-2-1 13:18 编辑 ]

lourryUID: 2157624

我再啰嗦一下结尾的问题呵：文中并没有提及科学的重要性呵，所以不能说，as vital as science。
呵呵，别的，该提的flaflagogo都提了呵。。。  
总体上说，感觉不错，语言也挺好的。
加油呵~~

kylinUID: 2242436

早应该多谢楼上三位了～意见真的都挺让自己受益匪浅吖 呵呵

这几天手忙脚乱的 都不知道自己在干嘛 也一直没沉下心来改文章
等缓过来了 我一定认真改改这篇文章
再次感谢～～ ^^