issue41 【076G－背水一战小组】jw84第一次作业

jw84UID: 2283839

Issue 41
  According to this statement,the speaker alleges that nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society. As a way of igniting and satisfying the better-living hope of human, in spite of lack of scientific proof, such nonmainstream areas exist in every region of the world. In my view, it is a necessary part of our society due a great part to satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science, however, it can't substitute for the mainstream in the progress of civilisation.

  The nonmainstream areas of inquiry are indeed playing a unique role to satisfy the curiosities of people in society.In the fisrt place, the functions of nonmainstream emerge in the primitive stage of human history, when the consciousness of science had not yet come into human minds.At that time, it was impossible to elucidate some nature phenomena,thus people easily associate such phenomena with the future events,such as a person's fortune, health,and the harvest. The fortune-telling and astrology can not only satisfy people's curiousness but also help to relieve people's anxiety about the futrue.Before the origins of modern science,people believed and admired  the nonmainstream science which even became a costom or a culture. People considered fortune-telling could predict the futrue,such as what the misfortune would be, and they could take action to prevent it from happening. In some respects, we could assert that the nonmainstream reflects the desire for a better life of the human.

  In the second place, however, the nonmainstream science is still popular among people in today's high-advanced technology society. In some and remote regions, people can't receive the basic education and lack the communication with the outside world. Easily they are influenced by the traditional conception which is associated with the nonmainstream areas. On the other hand, some rich people in the metropolis also believe the nonmainstream areas.They could buy everything thay want except the fortune.The fortune-telling provides a way to console them and relieve their fears for the unknown.For example, some rich people would consider the geomantic omen before buying a house. The mainstream sciences which are direct and objective emphasize the accurate observation and logical deduction,at the same time,they are limited to explain some curious phenomenas which are lack of scientific proof. In contrast, the nonmainstream sciences which are indirect and subjective satify the curiosities of some mysterious event.

  However, the excessive beliefs in nonmainstream areas of inquiry would seriously encumber the developmnet of society and science. After all, nonmainstream areas of inquiry yet have never been supported by any substantial evidence and logical deduction.These areas of inquiry even may lead a serious result that people prone to hold the belief that everything is controlled by supernatural power and they don't have the ability to make their life better. It is widely accepted that our society is undergoing a process of rapid development due to the mainstream science.The scientist could give reasonable interpretations on some mysterious phenomena which has been distorted by nonmainstream areas of inquiry.Although there are still many phenomena remaining mysterious, the scientist are trying their best to seek the answer.

  In sum, non-mainstream science indeed had contributed to satisfy the human needs in the ancient time. Nevertheless, there is a tendency that the role of non-mainstream science is less important for its lack of objective evidence and encouragement to believe in fate.

flaflagogoUID: 2280642

According to this statement,the speaker alleges that nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society. As a way of igniting and satisfying the better-living hope of human, in spite of lack of scientific proof, such nonmainstream areas exist in every region of the world. In my view, it is a necessary part of our society due a great part to satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science(这句没看懂), however, it can't substitute for the mainstream in the progress of civilisation.

  The nonmainstream areas of inquiry are indeed playing a unique role to satisfy the curiosities of people in society.In the fisrt place, the functions of nonmainstream emerge in the primitive stage of human history, when the consciousness of science had not yet come into human minds.At that time, it was impossible to elucidate some nature phenomena,thus people easily(改成trend to可能好些) associate such phenomena with the future events,such as a person's fortune, health,and the harvest. The fortune-telling and astrology can not only satisfy people's curiousness but also help to relieve people's anxiety about the futrue.Before the origins of modern science,people believed and admired  the nonmainstream science which even became a costom or a culture. People considered fortune-telling could predict the futrue,such as what the misfortune would be, and they could take action to prevent it from happening. In some respects, we could assert that the nonmainstream reflects the desire for a better life of the human.(这段跟TS的curiosity没啥关系啊,下段同.)

  In the second place, however, the nonmainstream science is still popular among people in today's high-advanced technology society. In some and(删) remote regions, people can't receive the basic education and lack the communication with the outside world. Easily they are influenced by the traditional conception which is associated with the nonmainstream areas. On the other hand, some rich people in the metropolis(强调一下大都市教育好一些) also believe the nonmainstream areas.They could buy everything thay want except the fortune(呵呵,这句偶喜欢).The fortune-telling provides a way to console them and relieve their fears for the unknown.For example, some rich people would consider the geomantic omen before buying a house.(后面这两句又是跳跃了,要不就分段再说一说,要不就别说,不然让人觉得整段都不知道在说啥了) The mainstream sciences which are direct and objective emphasize the accurate observation and logical deduction,at the same time,they are limited to explain some curious phenomenas(phenomena 是phenomenon的复数形式) which are lack of scientific proof. In contrast, the nonmainstream sciences which are indirect and subjective satify the curiosities of some mysterious event.

  However, the excessive beliefs(believes) in nonmainstream areas of inquiry would seriously encumber the developmnet of society and science. After all, nonmainstream areas of inquiry yet have never been supported by any substantial evidence and logical deduction.These areas of inquiry even may lead a serious result that people prone to hold the belief that everything is controlled by supernatural power and they don't have the ability to make their life better. (老问题,思维又开始跳跃了.下面跟段首没啥关系了.要不就另起一段,要不就给个铺垫转过去)It is widely accepted that our society is undergoing a process of rapid development due to the mainstream science.The scientist could give reasonable interpretations on some mysterious phenomena(phenomenon) which has been distorted by nonmainstream areas of inquiry.Although there are still many phenomena remaining mysterious, the scientist are trying their best to seek the answer.

  In sum, non-mainstream science indeed had contributed to satisfy the human needs in the ancient time(你的文中不是交代了对现代也有作用吗?只强调过去的有点奇怪). Nevertheless, there is a tendency(这句没能从你的文中看出来,要不就另起一段说一说) that the role of non-mainstream science is less important for its lack of objective evidence and encouragement to believe in fate.


关于语法没怎么帮你改,不过告诉你个方法可以先用word斧正一下再放上来:)
另外鉴于我自己的词汇也拿捏不准,关于用词方面没敢给你太多建议

但是,你在陈述的过程中思维跳跃太明显了.想到什么就说什么,没有强烈的逻辑联系,前后完全不呼应,这一点希望你多看看官方范文是怎么写的,呵呵

SkysijieUID: 2233317

Issue 41
  According to this statement,the speaker alleges that nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society. As a way of igniting and satisfying the better-living hope of human, in spite of lack（lacking） of scientific proof, such nonmainstream areas(为什么要用复数嘞) exist in every region of the world. In my view, it is a necessary part of our society due a great part to satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science, however, it can't substitute for the mainstream in the progress of civilisation(civilization).

  The nonmainstream areas of inquiry are indeed playing a unique role to satisfy the curiosities of people in society.In the fisrt place, the functions of nonmainstream emerge in the primitive stage of human history, when the consciousness of science had not yet come into human minds.At that time, it was impossible to elucidate some nature phenomena, thus people easily associate such phenomena with the future events,such as a person's fortune, health,and the harvest. The fortune-telling and astrology can not only satisfy people's curiousness but also help to relieve people's anxiety about the future(这句过渡得不错，值得学习哦！但是，主题句只说了非主流能满足人们的好奇心，这里却又说它能缓解人们的焦虑，好像不太好。可以在主题句中加上这一点).Before the origins of modern science,people believed and admired  the nonmainstream science which even became a costom(custom) or a culture.（这句话放这儿没什么用吧） People considered fortune-telling could predict the futrue,such as what the misfortune would be, and they could take action to prevent it from happening.(后面这部分论证非主流能缓解焦虑展开的不是很好) In some respects, we could assert that the nonmainstream reflects the desire for a better life of the human（这段怎么会得出这样的结论呢）.

  In the second place, however, the nonmainstream science is still popular among people in today's high-advanced technology society（这点和你前面的主题不一致吧）. In some and remote regions, people can't receive the basic education and lack the communication with the outside world. Easily they are influenced by the traditional conception which is associated with the nonmainstream areas（没看明白这些和如今非主流仍然存在的现象有什么关系）. On the other hand, some rich people in the metropolis also believe the nonmainstream areas.They could buy everything thay（they） want except the fortune.The fortune-telling provides a way to console them and relieve their fears for the unknown.For example, some rich people would consider the geomantic omen before buying a house. The mainstream sciences which are direct and objective emphasize the accurate observation and logical deduction,at the same time,they are limited to explain some curious phenomenas which are lack of scientific proof.（前面说的都是non-mainstream的，怎么突然跑出个mainstream,好突然 ） In contrast, the nonmainstream sciences which are indirect and subjective satify the curiosities of some mysterious event.

  However, the excessive beliefs in nonmainstream areas of inquiry would seriously encumber the development（development） of society and science. After all, nonmainstream areas of inquiry yet have never been supported by any substantial evidence and logical deduction.These areas of inquiry even may lead a serious result that people prone to hold the belief that everything is controlled by supernatural power and they don't have the ability to make their life better. It is widely accepted that our society is undergoing a process of rapid development due to the mainstream science.The scientist could give reasonable interpretations on some mysterious phenomena which has been distorted by nonmainstream areas of inquiry.Although there are still many phenomena remaining mysterious, the scientist are trying their best to seek the answer.(这段的论证有点空，举些例子比较好)

  In sum, non-mainstream science indeed had contributed to satisfy the human needs in the ancient time（in the ancient time??在前面的论述中也论证了它在现今的作用啊）. Nevertheless, there is a tendency that the role of non-mainstream science is less important for its lack of objective evidence and encouragement to believe in fate.

（总的感觉逻辑有点乱，要论证的和论据不搭。整理一下思路会好些。呵呵，有说得不对的地方也希望能共同讨论：） ）

jw84UID: 2283839

谢谢flaflagogo 的修改
确实这篇文章的逻辑很乱，本身自己逻辑思维就很跳跃，而且这几篇文章都没有事前列一个提纲和思路 以后一定注意：）
还没有怎么好好研究过范文，抽空一定好好学习　：）

jw84UID: 2283839

谢谢啦
发现自己问题确实很多 不过还好 暴露出来就好 慢慢改正 呵呵 回头改你作文！

yangbay8UID: 2277107

According to this statement, the speaker alleges that nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society. As a way of igniting and satisfying the better-living hope of human, in spite of lack of scientific proof, such nonmainstream areas exist in every region of the world. In my view, it is a necessary part of our society due a great part to satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science, however, it can't substitute for the mainstream in the progress of civilisation（什么的进步？）.

  The nonmainstream areas of inquiry are indeed playing a unique role to satisfy the curiosities of people in society. In the fisrt place, the functions of nonmainstream emerge in the primitive stage of human history, when the consciousness of science had not yet come into human minds. At that time, it was impossible to elucidate some nature phenomena, thus people easily associate such phenomena with the future events, such as a person's fortune, health, and the harvest. （一段完整的叙述，总体感觉词汇应该雕琢，不过这是最高层次要求了，重要的还是结构）The fortune-telling and astrology can not only satisfy people's curiousness but also help to relieve people's anxiety about the future. Before the origins of modern science, people believed and admired  the nonmainstream science(能称为科学么？) which even became a costom or a culture. People considered fortune-telling could predict the futrue, such as what the misfortune would be, and they could take action to prevent it from happening. In some respects, we could assert that the nonmainstream reflects the desire for a better life of the human.

  In the second place, however（和哪里构成转折？）, the nonmainstream science is still popular among people in today's high-advanced technology society. In some and remote regions, people can't receive the basic education and lack the communication with the outside world. Easily they are influenced by the traditional conception which is associated with the nonmainstream areas. On the other hand, some rich people in the metropolis also believe the nonmainstream areas.They could buy everything thay want except the fortune.The fortune-telling provides a way to console them and relieve their fears for the unknown.For example, some rich people would consider the geomantic omen before buying a house. The mainstream sciences which are direct and objective emphasize the accurate observation and logical deduction,at the same time,they are limited to explain some curious phenomenas which are lack of scientific proof. In contrast, the nonmainstream sciences which are indirect and subjective satify the curiosities of some mysterious event.

  However, the excessive beliefs in nonmainstream areas of inquiry would seriously encumber the developmnet of society and science. After all, nonmainstream areas of inquiry yet have never been supported by any substantial evidence and logical deduction.These areas of inquiry even may lead a serious result that people prone to hold the belief that everything is controlled by supernatural power and they don't have the ability to make their life better. It is widely accepted that our society is undergoing （贬义）a process of rapid development due to the mainstream science. The scientist could give reasonable interpretations on some mysterious phenomena which has been distorted by nonmainstream areas of inquiry. Although there are still many phenomena remaining mysterious, the scientist are trying their best to seek the answer.

  In sum, non-mainstream science indeed had contributed to satisfy the human needs in the ancient time. Nevertheless, there is a tendency that the role of non-mainstream science is less important for its lack of objective evidence and encouragement to believe in fate.

结构清晰，观点不够清晰，证据尚觉不足。

jw84UID: 2283839

谢谢
我也感觉论点确实不够清晰  下次一定吸取 嘿嘿