issue130 【076G－背水一战小组】第一小组skysijie第一次作业.欢迎大家来多多讨论

SkysijieUID: 2233317

写的时候就觉得又很多错误，但又不知道怎样该，请大家帮忙使劲拍

issue130 ：
“How children are socialized today determined the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.”
如今儿童如何被社会化决定了社会的命运。不幸的是，我们还没有学会怎样培养出能够建设出一个更好社会的儿童。

1.承认儿童如何被社会化决定了社会的命运
1）  孩子如果被很好的socialized, 那么他能给社会带来的就更好
2）  如果孩子没有被很好的socialized，那么他能社会带来的就不好

2．承认我们已经对孩子进行了社会化教育，但是我们对孩子社会化的重视程度不够
1） parents让孩子从小就参加很多班
2） community 也只是偶尔提供让儿童相聚的机会或场所
2）  school虽然提供了让儿童相互交流的机会，但是越来越繁重的学习任务占据了他们大量的空余时间
words:428  
      
Socialization is the process by which human beings learn to adopt the behavior patterns of the community in which they live. Which kind of socialization determines which kind of children. Unfortunately, we don’t have a perfect method to raise our children to be the one who contributes to bring about a better society.

The benefit of a good socialization demonstrates in a child’s whole life time obviously, whether to society or to himself. A celebrated person can illustrate the thesis abundantly. He left off his study in the second yeas in the university. He made up a digital empire named Microsoft. He is creating numerous fortunes to society. From his childhood, Bill Gates participate a lot of parties, celebrate meetings, in where he learns how to communicate with different kinds of people, draw different clothes judging by the attribute of the meeting, adopt the behavior patterns of the society. Many people, including myself, don’t think it is a miracle that he created Microsoft world, which bring society into a new digital times, after drop his study. There is no doubt to say that a well socialized child can change society in a good way.

On the other hand, the disadvantage, a child doesn’t have a good socialization, showed clearly as well. Robinson Crusoe, who live with himself in a isolated island for twenty-eight years long, cannot live with other people, even cannot speaking ,when he returned to society. Similarly, a child, who have insufficient socialization or even have no contact with community, have no capability to adopt the behavior patterns of community, don’t need to say to determine the destiny of community in which he lives.

We do have our children merge into the society, though, we don’t think highly of socialization. Firstly, one thing we have aware is that too many parents are compelling their children to learn variety skills, including dancing, singing, painting and calligraphy, when they are young. Besides, children have to attempt course about mathematics, chemistry, physics, or even foreign language. Secondly, community supports chance to gather children together, occasionally, to play or to talk to each other. Thirdly, regardless, teenagers have such a good chance in the school, their leisure time has reduced by endless homework, longer and longer course’ time, more and more strict discipline. In a word, our society is declining provide the opportunity to have children socialized.

To sum up, the responsibility of society to teach children adopt the behavior patterns of community is ignored by many people. Besides, the importance of how to raise children to be a contribution one, which decide the future and the destiny of society, should be recognized.

[ 本帖最后由 Skysijie 于 2007-1-31 14:16 编辑 ]

duduhahaUID: 2273118

Socialization is the process by which human beings learn to adopt the behavior patterns of the community in which they live. Which kind of socialization determines which kind of children. Unfortunately, we don’t have a perfect method to raise our children to be the one who contributes to bring about a better society.

The benefit of a good socialization demonstrates in a child’s whole life time obviously, whether to society or to himself. A celebrated person can illustrate the thesis abundantly. He left off his study in the second yeas in the university. He made up a digital empire named Microsoft. He is creating numerous fortunes to society. From his childhood, Bill Gates participate a lot of parties, celebrate meetings, in where(应该是where?) he learns how to communicate with different kinds of people, draw different clothes judging by the attribute of the meeting, adopt the behavior patterns of the society. Many people, including myself, don’t think it is a miracle that he created Microsoft world, which bring society into a new digital times, after drop（dropping?) his study. There is no doubt to say that a well socialized child can change society in a good way.(觉得你论证地挺好的）

On the other hand, the disadvantage, a child doesn’t have a good socialization, showed（时态好像有问题） clearly as well. Robinson Crusoe, who live with himself in a isolated island for twenty-eight years long, cannot live with other people, even cannot speaking(speak) ,when he returned to society. Similarly, a child, who have insufficient socialization or even have no contact with community, have no capability to adopt the behavior patterns of community, don’t need to say to determine the destiny of community in which he lives.

We do have our children merge into the society, though, we don’t think highly of socialization. Firstly, one thing we have aware（有语法错误吧？） is that too many parents are compelling their children to learn variety（various or a variety of) skills, including dancing, singing, painting and calligraphy, when they are young. Besides, children have to attempt course about mathematics, chemistry, physics, or even foreign language. Secondly, community supports chance to gather children together, occasionally, to play or to talk to each other. Thirdly, regardless, teenagers have such a good chance in the school, （逗号连接两个句子？）their leisure time has（been) reduced by endless homework, longer and longer course’ time, more and more strict discipline. In a word, our society is declining provide（有问题吧？） the opportunity to have children socialized.

To sum up, the responsibility of society to teach children adopt the behavior patterns of community is ignored by many people. Besides, the importance of how to raise children to be a contribution one, which decide the future and the destiny of society, should be recognized.

觉得你论证还是挺不错的，除了有些语法错误，改后应该能拿较高的分数。

SkysijieUID: 2233317

谢谢哈。
我也觉得语法错误挺多。:loveliness:
而且写的时候总感觉例子和要论证的不一致，展开的时候也没有力度。

linda_gongUID: 2206304

Socialization is the process by which human beings learn to adopt the behavior patterns of the community in which they live (以定义开篇,不错). Which kind of socialization determines which kind of children(此处有中国式英语之嫌,可否改为:the variety of socialization determines the features of children?). Unfortunately, we don’t (可否加上still?)have a perfect method to raise our children to be the one(s) who contribute to bring about a better society (because of the mode of socialization.)

The benefit of a good socialization demonstrates(可否改为embodies?) in a child’s whole life time obviously, whether to society or to himself. A celebrated person can illustrate the thesis abundantly (adequately?). He left off his study(此处意义不明,是否是辍学?如为辍学则应为drop out) in the second yeas in the university. He made up a digital empire named Microsoft. He is creating numerous fortunes to society. From(Since) his childhood, Bill Gates participate(d) a lot of parties, celebrate meetings, in(是否应去掉IN?) where he learns how to communicate with different kinds of people, draw different clothes judging by the attribute of the meeting, adopt the behavior patterns of the society. Many people, including myself, don’t think it is a miracle that he created Microsoft world, which bring society into a new digital times, after drop his study. There is no doubt to say that a well socialized child can change society in a good way.(例子很典型)

On the other hand, the disadvantage (brought about by the fact that )a child doesn’t have a good socialization, showed clearly (seems to be clear) as well. Robinson Crusoe, who lived with himself in a(n) isolated island for twenty-eight years long, cannot live with other people, even cannot(let alone更不用说) speaking ,when he returned to society. Similarly, a child, who have(has) insufficient socialization or even have no contact with community, have no capability to adopt the behavior patterns of community, don’t  need to say (亦可用let alone)to determine the destiny of community in which he lives.

We do(did) have our children merge into the society, though, we don’t think highly of socialization. Firstly, one thing we have aware (are aware of) is that too many parents are compelling their children to learn variety skills, including dancing, singing, painting and calligraphy, when they are young. Besides, children have to attempt(何意?尝试?) course about mathematics, chemistry, physics, or even foreign language. Secondly, community supports(offers) chance(s) to gather children together, occasionally, to play or to talk to each other. Thirdly, regardless, teenagers have such a good chance in the school, their leisure time has reduced by endless homework, longer and longer course’ time, more and more strict discipline. In a word, our society is declining provide the opportunity to have children socialized.

To sum up, the responsibility of society to teach children adopt the behavior patterns of community is ignored by many people. Besides, the importance of how to raise children to be a contribution one, which decide the future and the destiny of society, should be recognized.
总的来说,论证的还可以,但用词有些中国化,当然我也只是个新手,不妥之处还请见谅)

SkysijieUID: 2233317

回去改改，再来上交:handshake :handshake

linda_gongUID: 2206304

刚看了另一篇习作,我觉得你还可以在怎样社会化的方式上论证一下:比如当前存在的弱点是过分重视高分,过分重视结果,而不看重合作精神、伦理、以及一些宝贵的价值观，主要是实用主义占了上风，可以加进去一些精神的东西，也许会有显出你的优势来。