Issue130 ScorpionSky--Hamming组 孩子的社会化程度,冲刺接近尾声,留恋宁静

ScorpionSkyUID: 2273954

issue130“How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.”——因果

现在孩子的社会化程度决定了社会的命运。  可惜的是，我们还没有学人教孩子怎么样去建设一个更好的社会。论点：不要为现在的孩子有过多的担心。提纲:
诚然，现在的孩子有弱点，社会化程度不高，但也有超过成年人的方面，只要教育得当，孩子们会比成人强，将来的社会会更好。
现在孩子们确实存在融入社会能力不强，主动承担社会责任意识不强，合作意识不足等问题（不要竞争意识这句话，因为似乎Issue题目中把竞争和合作当作对立的话题）
１。孩子们越来越以自我为中心（egocentric），适应社会的能力很差。２。关心政治的孩子少了，主动参军的孩子少了（对应于第二句话）３．有些教师总强调竞争而淡化合作，使得孩子们不懂得关爱他人2、但应看到，存在以上的原因是当今社会更多地强调个性独立和自我价值的趋势所形成的。强调个性独立和自我价值的趋势相吻合的。
美国的American idol,相当与在舞台上展现自己。（类似与中国的超级女生，只不过是随便什么人都可以）美国偶像这个综艺节目正是宣扬的当代的以个人为主的趋势。3、对孩子们不要有过多的担心。我们的担心往往是成年人以自己视角、按过去的标准看待现在的孩子们，担心孩子们缺乏的东西往往也是自己是孩子时所缺乏的，是当时自己父母担心的自己经过几十年才具备的才领悟的，现在却在要求孩子们即刻具备，有的担心来自于成人对一些新事物、新知识的匮乏，如互联网知识。应该看到，现在孩子们接受能力、视野、新知识掌握程度都超过父辈，这也是社会不断进步的希望所在。当然，成人们也不能放弃教育的责任，把自己的经验和建设来帮助孩子，使他们能顺利成长。

Admittedly, these days, children have their weaknesses, the socialize level is not excellent as society expected. However, there are also much other respects of children are better than adults. Consequently, as long as giving proper education, children will be stronger than their forerunners, in the future, while society will be better.

Today, there is an undeniable fact that children actually are weak in access to social communication, fail to have a strong sense of social responsibility initiative, a lack of awareness on issues such as cooperation, and other problems the like. For one thing, since it is increasingly emphasis on egocentric among the younger generation, result in their social communication ability is getting worse. For another thing, the children who interested in politics become less and less, as well as another part which inclined to take part in active army. In addition, over emphasis on competition lead children do not know how to love others.

It should be noted that, however, today's society is more emphasis on self-worth and independent character formed the trend which is coincided with the changes in children. In other words, stressed individuality is match with self-worth of independent. Consider, for instance, American idol, an art program showing that inspiring people to performance on stage as better as possible, the one just represent the primarily contemporary trends of emphasizing on individuals. The similar program also exists in China, Super Girl, which among the most popular programs in China. Obviously, Today's children are too obsessed by personal display, in the opposite, inadequate to social responsibility.

Although it is true that there are some problems, but we should not have too much to worry about children. Our worry is the adults who are often stand in their own point of views, and now look at the children based on the past standards. The things they worry is children lacking of some abilities which just are the things they lacked when they were young and their own parent worried at then. Obviously, it is inappropriate that to demand children possessing abilities and experience which their parents pursued decades. Some worries stem from the adults who do not learned certain new skills and knowledge, such as accessing to Internet. It should be noted that children are stronger in receiving new things, broader of vision than their parents. This is just the hope of social progress. Of course, society should not give up the responsibility in education, adults should take full advantages in experience and knowledge to help their children in order to render them smooth growing up.

In sum, after those discusses above, we have the sorts of reasons to believe that society does a relative good job in the educating children to indepentdent and individual. At the best, while introducing our children to more independence and more individuality, we should not igore the equal imortant matter that emphasis theri growth on the social level.


[ 本帖最后由 ScorpionSky 于 2007-2-1 22:45 编辑 ]

liquidshileUID: 2254332

Issue130 ScorpionSky--Hamming组 孩子的社会化程度,冲刺接近尾声,留恋宁静
issue130“How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.”——因果现在孩子的社会化程度决定了社会的命运。  可惜的是，我们还没有学人教孩子怎么样去建设一个更好的社会。论点：不要为现在的孩子有过多的担心。提纲:
诚然，现在的孩子有弱点，社会化程度不高，但也有超过成年人的方面，只要教育得当，孩子们会比成人强，将来的社会会更好。补充：我们能教好他们，反驳文章最后那一句现在孩子们确实存在融入社会能力不强，主动承担社会责任意识不强，合作意识不足等问题（不要竞争意识这句话，因为似乎Issue题目中把竞争和合作当作对立的话题）１。孩子们越来越以自我为中心（egocentric），适应社会的能力很差。２。关心政治的孩子少了，主动参军的孩子少了（对应于第二句话）３．有些教师总强调竞争而淡化合作，使得孩子们不懂得关爱他人2、但应看到，存在以上的原因是当今社会更多地强调个性独立和自我价值的趋势所形成的。强调个性独立和自我价值的趋势相吻合的。美国的American idol,相当与在舞台上展现自己。（类似与中国的超级女生，只不过是随便什么人都可以）美国偶像这个综艺节目正是宣扬的当代的以个人为主的趋势。3、对孩子们不要有过多的担心。我们的担心往往是成年人以自己视角、按过去的标准看待现在的孩子们，担心孩子们缺乏的东西往往也是自己是孩子时所缺乏的，是当时自己父母担心的自己经过几十年才具备的才领悟的，现在却在要求孩子们即刻具备，有的担心来自于成人对一些新事物、新知识的匮乏，如互联网知识。应该看到，现在孩子们接受能力、视野、新知识掌握程度都超过父辈，这也是社会不断进步的希望所在。当然，成人们也不能放弃教育的责任，把自己的经验和建设来帮助孩子，使他们能顺利成长。

这个提纲我是看过的，我还是觉得应该以题目为准，应该说明我们同意孩子的社会化决定了以后，而且现在的孩子的确有问题。但是我们是能教好孩子的。开头没有提到但是后面还是说到了，不错！Admittedly, these days,前面少一句话！！孩子是未来决定了我们的社会发展 Nowadays, children have their weaknesses, the socialize level is not excellent as society expected. However, there are also much other respects我多学了一个用法 of children are better than adults. Consequently, as long as giving proper education, children will be stronger than their forerunners, in the future, while society will be better. 这句在说什么？喊口号么？最失败的写法！！要改，绝不能出现在开头！！

这段真是有点问题，跑题了！和后面和文章都不配合！要说孩子是我们的未来，他们的成长关系到社会的延续。现今的孩子的确在社会化方面有些缺乏。但是不用过多的担心，孩子还不成熟不要用大人的眼光严格要求它们。我们是可以把它们教好得。能教好要强调，配合文章后面那一句。
Today, there is an undeniable fact that children actually are weak in access to social communication, fail to have a strong sense of social responsibility initiative, a lack of awareness on issues such as cooperation, and other problems the like. For one thing, since it is increasingly emphasis on egocentric among the younger generation, result in their social communication ability is getting worse. For another thing, the children who interested in politics become less and less, as well as another part which inclined toactively join the army. take part in army. In addition, over emphasis on competition lead children do not know how to love others.这里感觉少一句，[这段的论证和观点很好，句子简单又论证有理，例子在多一点就是一段佳作]

It should be noted that, however, today's society is more emphasis on self-worth and independent character formed the trend which is coincided with the changes in children. In other words, stressed individuality is match with self-worth of independent.没看懂？ Consider, for instance, American idol, an art program showing that inspiring people to performance on stage as better as possible, the one just represent the primarily contemporary trends of emphasizing on individuals. The similar program also exists in China, Super Girl, which among the most popular programs in China. Obviously, Today's children are too obsessed by personal display, in the opposite, inadequate to social responsibility. 这段配合上段，例子丰富也很好！

Although it is true that there are some problems, but we should not have too much to worry about children. Our worry is the adults who are often stand in their own point of views, and now look at the children based on the past standards. The things they worry is children lacking of some abilities which just are the things they lacked when they were young and their own parent worried at then.这句写的太好了，有道理有感触 Obviously, it is inappropriate that to demand children possessing abilities and experience which their parents pursued decades. Some worries stem from the adults who do not learned certain new skills and knowledge, such as accessing to Internet. It should be noted that children are stronger in receiving new things, broader of vision than their parents. This is just the hope of social progress.
这里分段：上短些不用过分担心，是个承上启下的段落，下段写可以教育好！一定要写这段！！！！要和题目后半句配合起来
Of course, society should not give up the responsibility in education,这里补充一个education可以教育好孩子的TS和例子，不然就没和最后一句we do not know how to raise对应起来！你找得那个提纲就是有这个问题，你一定要注意着一点！ 例子就写志愿者活动这样的！或者写US young volunteers在Olympic Games. adults should take full advantages in experience and knowledge to help their children in order to render them smooth growing up.

In sum, after those discusses above, we have the sorts of reasons to believe that society does a relative good job in the educating children to indepentdent and individual. At the best, while introducing our children to more independence and more individuality, we should not igore the equal imortant matter that emphasis theri growth on the social level.

文章要是不看开头绝对是一篇佳作，论证和用词都很有水平！我觉得你对句子和用词的控制大有长进！！简单的词组成的句子非常的好，我要收录这篇。要注意的就是这个提纲的缺欠，我说过好几遍了，要反对第二句，我们能教育好孩子，一定要说！！

但是也有问题：开头真的没写好，你到底是什么观点？支持还是反对？你说不过多的担心。但你只说了孩子的好处。到底是什么好处？是社会化的好处么？你都没提到一丁点！！还喊了一句口号！这个开头我实在不能接受，也是你写的最差的开头了。
我觉得你可以根据我写的中文开头在看一下。你那个开头完全脱离了题目，和你的文章也不配合！

ScorpionSkyUID: 2273954

Issue130 ScorpionSky--Hamming组孩子的社会化程度,冲刺接近尾声,留恋宁静issue130“How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.”——因果现在孩子的社会化程度决定了社会的命运。  
可惜的是，我们还没有学人教孩子怎么样去建设一个更好的社会。论点：不要为现在的孩子有过多的担心。
提纲:
诚然，现在的孩子有弱点，社会化程度不高，但也有超过成年人的方面，只要教育得当，孩子们会比成人强，将来的社会会更好。补充：我们能教好他们，反驳文章最后那一句
1\ 现在孩子们确实存在融入社会能力不强，主动承担社会责任意识不强，合作意识不足等问题（不要竞争意识这句话，因为似乎Issue题目中把竞争和合作当作对立的话题）
１。孩子们越来越以自我为中心（egocentric），适应社会的能力很差。
２。关心政治的孩子少了，主动参军的孩子少了（对应于第二句话）
３．有些教师总强调竞争而淡化合作，使得孩子们不懂得关爱他人
2\ 但应看到，存在以上的原因是当今社会更多地强调个性独立和自我价值的趋势所形成的。强调个性独立和自我价值的趋势相吻合的。美国的American idol,相当与在舞台上展现自己。（类似与中国的超级女生，只不过是随便什么人都可以）美国偶像这个综艺节目正是宣扬的当代的以个人为主的趋势。
3\ 对孩子们不要有过多的担心。我们的担心往往是成年人以自己视角、按过去的标准看待现在的孩子们，担心孩子们缺乏的东西往往也是自己是孩子时所缺乏的，是当时自己父母担心的自己经过几十年才具备的才领悟的，现在却在要求孩子们即刻具备，有的担心来自于成人对一些新事物、新知识的匮乏，如互联网知识。应该看到，现在孩子们接受能力、视野、新知识掌握程度都超过父辈，这也是社会不断进步的希望所在。当然，成人们也不能放弃教育的责任，把自己的经验和建设来帮助孩子，使他们能顺利成长。这个提纲我是看过的，我还是觉得应该以题目为准，应该说明我们同意孩子的社会化决定了以后，而且现在的孩子的确有问题。但是我们是能教好孩子的。开头没有提到但是后面还是说到了，不错！前面少一句话！！孩子是未来决定了我们的社会发展
Many people believe that society’s future is given by today’s children. Nowadays, children have their weaknesses, the socialize level is not excellent as society expected. However, there are also much other respects我多学了一个用法 of children are better than adults. Consequently, we need not over worry about our children unless we falsely neglect to their growth.

Today, there is an undeniable fact that children actually are weak in access to social communication, fail to have a strong sense of social responsibility initiative, a lack of awareness on issues such as cooperation, and other problems the like. For one thing, since it is increasingly emphasis on egocentric among the younger generation, result in their social communication ability is getting worse. For another thing, the children who interested in politics become less and less, as well as another part which inclined toactively join the army. take part in army. In addition, over emphasis on competition lead children do not know how to love others.这里感觉少一句，

It should be noted that, however, today's society is more emphasis on self-worth and independent character formed the trend which is coincided with the changes in children. In other words, stressed individuality is match with self-worth of independent.没看懂？ Consider, for instance, American idol, an art program showing that inspiring people to performance on stage as better as possible, the one just represent the primarily contemporary trends of emphasizing on individuals. The similar program also exists in China, Super Girl, which among the most popular programs in China. Obviously, Today's children are too obsessed 迷住 by personal display, in the opposite, inadequate to对什么条件不够social responsibility. 这段配合上段，例子丰富也很好！Although it is true that there are some problems, but we should not have too much to worry about children. Our worry is the adults who are often stand in their own point of views, and now look at the children based on the past standards. The things they worry are children lacking of some abilities which just are the things they lacked when they were young and their own parent worried at then.这句写的太好了，有道理有感触 Obviously, it is inappropriate that to demand children possessing abilities and experience which their parents pursued decades. Some worries stem from the adults who failed to learn certain new skills and knowledge, such as accessing to Internet. It should be noted that children are stronger in receiving new things, broader of vision than their parents. This is just the hope of social progress.这里分段：上短些不用过分担心，是个承上启下的段落，下段写可以教育好！一定要写这段！！！！要和题目后半句配合起来Of course, society should not give up the responsibility in education, just as ever we do: for instance, encouraging young people to engage in public activities, such as take part in the groups of Olympic Games’ volunteers or participate in charity parties. From these practices, they will be benefited not only in broader their eyes but to learn more social skills. In future, adults should take full advantages in experience and knowledge to help their children in order to render them smooth growing up.

In sum, after those discusses above, we have the sorts of reasons to believe that society does a relative good job in the educating children to independence and individual. At the best, while introducing our children to more independence and more individuality, we should not ignore the equal important matter that emphasize their growth on the social level.

liquidshileUID: 2254332

不错，大体这样就可以了
你把它记住就行了
我改改你其他的