Issue7 【Aspire 小组】

iamstoicUID: 2294314

Has the video camera become a more significant form of documentation than written records? The speaker claims so, for the reason that the former provides a more precise and convincing record of contemporary life than the latter does. I concede that the video camera can be harnessed to replay the scene. Otherwise, in my view the written records ,which evolved over thousands of years and now are still widespread, are indispensable as a form of documentation.
  
Grantedly, under some circumstances the video camera can be employed to allow the current life to reappear via its accurate record without any subjectivity, thereby being more persuasive than the written records which cannot be purely objective. The video recording facilities to record evidence can bring more authentic and convincing effect than the written account by the same witness. The video recordings bearing images and sounds can give a vivid description of the locale with the action or performance will not influenced or distorted by the recorder’s values, perspectives, experiences, expectations and desires which are far more likely to be penetrated into one’s written documentations.

The video camera, however, is not so pervasive as the written accounts owing to its price which is too prohibitive to reach a huge pool of potential consumers and the prohibition in some case. Although the price went down in recent years compared with that in the age when science and technology was not experiencing the rapid growth as it is, yet it ranges from $300 to $2000, apparently far more expensive than the pen and paper. In addition, video camera is excluded from a courtroom in some parts of America in that it is said to violate a criminal defendant’s right.

Written record, conversely, are more readily available to the majority of people than the video camera. Its decent price encourages people all over the world to carry the pen and paper with ease wherever and whenever they go and write down whatever they want, including the literal description of what they have seen as well as ,if any, thoughtful and well-reasoned points of view.

To sum up, the ever-growing usage of video camera presently would seem to lend considerable credence to the speaker’s claim. Yet, the written records also function as an important type of recording; in fact, people should take full advantage of these documentary tools for more appropriate and more meaningful records.  



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[ 本帖最后由 iamstoic 于 2007-2-2 16:58 编辑 ]

seven741UID: 2260128

Has the video camera become a more significant form of documentation than written records? The speaker claims so, for the reason that the former provides a more precise and convincing record of contemporary life than the latter does. I concede that the video camera can be harnessed to replay the scene. Otherwise, in my view the written records ,which evolved over thousands of years and now are still widespread, are indispensable as a form of documentation.
  
Grantedly(什么意思？), under some circumstances the video camera can be employed to allow the current life to reappear via its accurate record without any subjectivity, thereby being more persuasive than the written records which cannot be purely objective. The video recording facilities to record evidence can bring more authentic and convincing effect than the written account by the same witness. The video recordings bearing images and sounds (that) can give a vivid description of the locale(场所？用events/happenings好些) with the action or performance will not (be) influenced or distorted by the recorder’s values, perspectives, experiences, expectations and desires which are far more likely to be penetrated into one’s(his) written documentations.（句型的结构和复杂度可以，就是觉得整个段落三个句子之间的承接关系不清楚，似乎重复意思的成分比较重，虽然意思都写清楚了。）

The video camera, however, is not so pervasive as the written accounts owing to its price (,) which is too prohibitive to reach a huge pool of potential consumers (,) and the prohibition in some case (个人认为这里用prohibition不如用some other factors). Although the price went down in recent years compared with that in the age when science and technology was not experiencing the rapid growth as it is, yet it ranges from $300 to $2000, apparently far more expensive than the pen and paper. In addition, (the) video camera is excluded from a courtroom in some parts of America in(for) that it is said to violate a(the) criminal (删去) defendant’s right.

Written record, conversely, are more readily available to the majority of people than the video camera. Its decent(fair，decent没有“便宜”的意思) price encourages people all over the world to carry the pen and paper with ease (因为便宜所以容易随身带？) wherever and whenever they go and write down whatever they want, including the literal description of what they have seen as well as ,if any, thoughtful and well-reasoned points of view.

To sum up, the ever-growing usage of video camera(s) presently would seem to lend considerable credence to the speaker’s claim. Yet, the written records also function as an important type of recording; in fact, people should take full advantage of these (two) documentary tools for more appropriate and more meaningful records.  
注：
1)        括号紧接文字的表示建议修改，括号前加一空格表示建议增加；
2)        Shirley对词的变化和句型的掌握功底不过，基本没有文法错误；
3)        文章结构也很清楚，虽然在某些地方值得推敲，但是我认为写得很不错了；
4)        个人觉得纯粹reasoning不符合英美人的习惯，还是应该要举些例子、加点叙述。