argument147 请大家狂批啊!!!首次argument,写了1个小时!!!(Cracking GRE小组)

xwqq2UID: 2152193

147The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
提纲：
１．调查的作者是否权威？数据统计是否合理？
２．好的游戏是否一定好卖？玩家愿意换电脑玩偶像吗？？　
３．广告的效果如何？其他的人也同样会打广告！！　


The connection what the author believe the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months at first glance to be an obviously conclusion. After all, the survey shows us that there might be a good trend to the game company. However, the author is not aware of the real connection between the survey and the reality.

First of all, the author did not tell us who make the survey. We don’t know whether the people or institution that made the survey is authoritative. Besides, we do not know how the statistics was born. Is the way the investigator who made the survey is scientific? The author didn’t tell us. So the survey about it is unreliable.

Secondly, the survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. So it only can tell us that what the characteristic the good video game should has. And we can’t make the conclusion that the video game which get this characteristic is easy to sell.  According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Is everybody who wants to join in the game having the most up-to-date computers? If they haven’t, are you sure the will buy a new one?

Thirdly, Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. But can we make sure that the advertising is so effective that expectation by the company? And competitors can also do the same thing that the Whirlwind video game company did. No one knows which company’s advertising is the most effective and attracting.

From what we discussed above, we reasonably come to conclusion that the argument is unconvincing as it stands. The author should provide the more convincing evidence to make us trust it.

[ 本帖最后由 xwqq2 于 2007-2-3 22:21 编辑 ]

kexinyupiaoUID: 2250204

先占个位

147The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.
"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
提纲：
１．调查的作者是否权威？数据统计是否合理？
２．好的游戏是否一定好卖？玩家愿意换电脑玩偶像？吗？？　
３．广告的效果如何？其他的人也同样会打广告！！　

The connection what the author believe the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months at first glance to be an obviously conclusion.主干是 The connection be an obviously conclusion么？这句话我没读懂 After all, the survey shows us that there might be a good trend to the game company. However, the author is not aware of the real connection between the survey and the reality.除了survey & connection 有关，还有推出connection的前提

First of all, the author did大多都用一般时态 not tell us who make如果是过去时就用made the survey. We don’t know whether the people or institution that made the survey is authoritative.我没有想到调查的权威信，不错哦 Besides, we do not know how the statistics was born？. Is the way in which the investigator who made the survey is scientific? The author didn’t tell us. So the survey about it is unreliable.

Secondly, the survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. So it only can tell us that what the characteristic thea good video game should has. And we can’t make the conclusion that the video game which get has this characteristic is easy to sell.  According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Is everybody who wants to join in the game having the most up-to-date computers? If they haven’t, are you sure the will buy a new one?

Thirdly, Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. But can we make sure that the advertising is so effective that meets the expectation of the company? And competitors can also do the same thing that the Whirlwind video game company did. No one knows which company’s advertising is the most effective and attracting.可以和各厂商生产的游戏存在竞争结合写

From what we discussed above, we reasonably come to conclusion that the argument is unconvincing as it stands. The author should provide the more convincing evidence to make us trust it.末段可以举例Arguer应该怎么改argument使它具有说服力

还有，每段的首句把题目稍微变换一下比较好哦。貌似拍得狠了些。。。那么，你也狠拍我一下吧^^ [url=https://bbs.gter.net/thread-602430-1-1.htmlhttps://bbs.gter.net/thread-602430-1-1.html[/color[/url]]

[ 本帖最后由 kexinyupiao 于 2007-2-3 20:05 编辑 ]

chongxinlaiUID: 2235209

The connection what the author believe the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months at first glance to be an obviously conclusion. After all, the survey shows us that there might be a good trend to the game company. However, the author is not aware of the real connection between the survey and the reality.如果说最后一句点题的话，偶也觉的应该说真正的问题，而不是servey的事毕竟这只是中间的一个环节

First of all, the author did not tell us who make the survey. We don’t know whether the people or institution that made the survey is authoritative. Besides, we do not know how the statistics was born. Is the way the investigator who made the survey is scientific? The author didn’t tell us. So the survey about it is unreliable.太空了，都没有具体展开。Ms模版哦

Secondly, the survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. So it only can tell us that what the characteristic the good video game should has. And we can’t make the conclusion that the video game which get this characteristic is easy to sell.  According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Is everybody who wants to join in the game having the most up-to-date computers? If they haven’t, are you sure the will buy a new one?areyou就算了吧，后面再给个答案好些 certainly not

Thirdly, Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. But can we make第一人称不建议出现 sure that the advertising is so effective that expectation by the company? And competitors can also do the same thing that the Whirlwind video game company did.so xxx do 的用法吧，前面的冗余了 No one knows which company’s advertising is the most effective and attracting.建议再加一条，另外作为广告的受方，小孩，年轻人没钱买，即使w的广告很吸引人

From what we discussed above, we reasonably come to conclusion that the argument is unconvincing as it stands. The author should provide the more convincing evidence to make us trust it.
看到题目偶的第一个想法就是这个公司是否有过财务危机，性丑闻之类的才导致利润下滑的，呵呵，胡扯了