argument147 同主题作文

muerghqUID: 2272725

第一篇argument，照搬了不少范文，问题多多
而且第一段怎么写？要把题目复述出来吗？应该不用吧！！
sigh，不知道……

TOPIC: ARGUMENT147 - The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
WORDS: 491                    DATE: 2007-1-31

Outline
1、调查的可靠性――多少人参加？年龄结构？
2、即使调查可靠，也不能得出结论，因为没有排除其他因素的影响，如价格，依赖up-to-date computers
3、没有给出以前销量下降的真正原因，可能是其他如广告、价格、管理等，如果这样的话，新产品就没有意义了

In this argument, the arguer recommends that the sales of Whirlwind video games, which have declined over the past two years, is about to be reversed, and that sales are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To support this conclusion, the arguer cites a recent survey in which video-game players indicated a preference for games with lifelike graphics requiring up-to-date computers. Meanwhile the arguer points out that Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old--the age group most likely to play video games. I find this argument suffers from several critical fallacies.

First, the arguer provides no assurances that the survey on which the argument depends is statistically reliable. How many video-game players participated in this survey? How old are they? It is entirely possible that the sample is too small and the age-range is not representative. If so then the arguer cannot rely on the survey to predict the success of Whirlwind's new games.

Secondly, even if the survey is reliable and there is a trend in preferring for games with lifelike graphics requiring up-to-date computers, the argument rest on the further assumption that Whirlwind's new games will be best sellers. The arguer fails to provide conditions of Whirlwind's competitors. Perhaps the competitors have already sold similar games and have taken the market. Moreover, these games need up-to-date computers to be in motion, and this will limit its popularity since these kinds of computers are expensive and only a few people have. The arguer also fails to consider the players' economic conditions. Video game players, most 10 to 25 years old, are mostly students and maybe they cannot afford these games although they interest in these new games. Without considering and ruling out these factors which will affect the games' selling, the arguer cannot confidently conclude that the Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically.

Finally, the arguments relies on the assumption that the two-year decline in Whirlwind's sales is attribute to a problem that Whirlwind's introduction of its new games and ad campaign will solve. It is entirely possible that the decline was due to the high prices or poor managements, and that these problems have not been remedied. Perhaps the ad company that is promoting new games also promoted Whirlwind's earlier games, and it's the company's inability to attract interest among the key demographics group that caused the decline. Since the arguer has not dearly identified the cause of the decline, I cannot be convinced that Whirlwind's new strategy will reverse that decline at all.

To sum up, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to provide more evidence concerning the video games survey and to consider factors that may affect the new video games selling. To better asses the argument, I would need to know what caused the two-year sales to decline.

amymonUID: 2297334

我住你楼下，见你楼上似乎是搂主就帮你改了一下，凑和着看看吧




Outline
1、调查的可靠性――多少人参加？年龄结构？
2、即使调查可靠，也不能得出结论，因为没有排除其他因素的影响，如价格，依赖up-to-date computers
3、没有给出以前销量下降的真正原因，可能是其他如广告、价格、管理等，如果这样的话，新产品就没有意义了

In this argument, the arguer recommends that the sales of Whirlwind video games, which have declined over the past two years, is (are) about to be reversed, and that sales are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months. To support this conclusion, the arguer cites a recent survey in which video-game players indicated a preference for games with lifelike graphics requiring up-to-date computers. Meanwhile the arguer points out that Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people 10 to 25 years old--the age group most likely to play video games. I find this argument suffers from several critical fallacies.(我觉得复述一下结论就好，正篇搬过来觉得累赘）

First, the arguer provides no assurances that the survey on which the argument depends is statistically reliable. How many video-game players participated in this survey? How old are they? （这里有个连接比较好，如the author does not provide any answer to these question）It is entirely possible that the sample is too small and the age-range is not representative. If so then the arguer cannot rely on the survey to predict the success of Whirlwind's new games.

Secondly, even if the survey is reliable and there is a trend in preferring for games with lifelike graphics requiring up-to-date computers, the argument rests on the further assumption that Whirlwind's new games will be best sellers(原文没有提到吧). The arguer fails to provide conditions of Whirlwind's competitors. Perhaps the competitors have already sold similar games and have taken the market. Moreover, these games need up-to-date computers to be in motion, and this will limit its popularity since these kinds of computers are expensive and only a few people have. The arguer also fails to consider the players' economic conditions. Video game players, most 10 to 25 years old, are mostly students and maybe they cannot afford these games although they are interested in these new games. Without considering and ruling out these factors which will affect the games' selling, the arguer cannot confidently conclude that the Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically.(包含多个意群，分开来写更有层析感，且你的中心句可能照顾不到这么多分论点）

Finally, the arguments relies on the assumption that the two-year decline in Whirlwind's sales is attribute to a problem that Whirlwind's introduction of its new games and ad campaign will solve. It is entirely possible that the decline was due to the high prices or poor managements, and that these problems have not been remedied. Perhaps the ad company that is promoting new games also promoted Whirlwind's earlier games, and it's the company's inability to attract interest among the key demographics group that caused the decline. Since the arguer has not dearly identified the cause of the decline, I cannot be convinced that Whirlwind's new strategy will reverse that decline at all.(这段不错）

To sum up, the conclusion reached in this argument is invalid. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to provide more evidence concerning the video games survey and to consider factors that may affect the new video games selling. To better asses the argument, I would need to know what caused the two-year sales to decline.

总体不错，连接的比较得当，语言也不错，比较丰富流畅，对于第一篇来说是个不错的开头。
开头再改进一下，结尾也可以修改一下，深化一下主题。

[ 本帖最后由 amymon 于 2007-2-5 18:40 编辑 ]

andyljhUID: 2121560

argu147 总感觉字数不够，请高手赐教吧 。。。。
http://edu.gter.net/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=619974&extra=page%3D1