issue47【076G－背水一战小组】第四小组skysijie第二次作业

SkysijieUID: 2233317

这篇写得够晕死了，自己看着都想哭。。。

Issue47: “Society does not place enoughemphasis on the intellect-that is, on reasoning and other cognitive skills.”
社会对于智力还是不够重视，比如推理和认知的能力

1.      智力和非智力对社会都很重要
2.      社会并非不重视智力
3.      但是社会却忽视了非智力

WORDS:407
Intellectual, that is reasoning and othercognitive skills, and non-intellectual, that is emotion and imagination, aresomewhat like skeleton and flesh of a body, as well as society. However, I amquestioning that whether society and community are pay less attention tointellectual as we unexpected.

One thing we have to do with our awarenessis that not intellectual is essential to society, but also non-intellectual. Onone hand, society cannot advance without non-intellectual merely with thesupport of intellectual. Set Tyson as an example: Mike Tyson, who is the kingof boxing area undoubtedly, has the superior skill compared with other boxers.Unfortunately, he lose his fantastic career life in case of he hurt opponent’sear prepensely during compete. Soon, society was fulfilled with the news whichbrings so bad effect in a long time from then on. On the other hand,intellectual can be improved with the development of non-intellectual. Aperson, whose imagination and emotion are abundant, hardly have a thickintellectual inherently. In a word, a society cannot advance without cognitiveskills, yet it cannot keep well-being without non-cognitive ones.

Many people have opposite perspective withthe assert “society doesn’t place enough emphasis on the intellectual”.Firstly, children were playing toys, bauble which all have the function thatimprove children’s intellectual. Besides, what they eat and drink are allrelevant to improve intelligence as well. Secondly, children accept educationwhether when they in primary, secondary and even in university are all link tothe intellectual education. Last but not least, children have to attempt varietycourses which teach they to sing, dance and etc outside the school. It is notdifficult to notice that we put too much emphasis on intellectual.

However, during we pay more attention tothe improvement of intellectual, we ignore emphasis on development ofnon-intellectual. School, in where children get the same education with eachother, keeps within limit to the education of healthy emotion and imagination.Besides, many parents determine child to be a good one or a bad one merelythrough the score he\ she get. Furthermore, they will found that society andcommunities employ a staff through how many certifications and what the levelof diploma when they are inviting applications for a job. Society has neglectedto develop children’s non-intellectual and lose sight of the importance ofemotion and imagination.

Pleasantly, society and parents are makingeffort to search the balance of intellectual and non-intellectual.

[ 本帖最后由 Skysijie 于 2007-2-5 19:35 编辑 ]

mulerUID: 2286390

楼主不要吝啬空格号呀，好多单词都连体了^_^
我斗胆修改了一下，有说错的地方，请批评指正。楼主加油！！！
Intellectual, that is reasoning and other cognitive skills, and non-intellectual, that is emotion and imagination, aresomewhat like skeleton and flesh of a body, as well as society. However, I am questioning(用一般时态就可以吧) that whether society and community are pay （此处are 可删除吧）less attention to intellectual as we unexpected.

One thing we have to do with our awareness is that not（漏了only） intellectual is essential to society, but also non-intellectual. On one hand, society cannot advance without non-intellectual merely with the support of intellectual. Set（似乎应该用take） Tyson as an example: Mike Tyson, who is the king of boxing area undoubtedly, has the superior skill compared with other boxers.Unfortunately, he lose his fantastic career life in case of(in case of意为：如果……，在……的时候（《朗文当代高级英语辞典》211页）。表假设，用在这里不合适吧，而且语法上，of后不接动词原型吧) he hurt opponent’sear prepensely during compete. Soon, society was fulfilled with the news whichbrings so bad effect in a long time from then on. On the other hand,intellectual can be improved with the development of non-intellectual. Aperson, whose imagination and emotion are abundant, hardly have a thickintellectual inherently. In a word, a society cannot advance without cognitiveskills, yet it cannot keep well-being without non-cognitive ones.

Many people have opposite perspective withthe assert（用名词assertion that） “society doesn’t place enough emphasis on the intellectual”.Firstly, children were playing toys, bauble which all have the function thatimprove children’s intellectual. Besides, what they eat and drink are allrelevant to improve intelligence as well. Secondly, children accept educationwhether when they in primary, secondary and even in university are all link tothe intellectual education. Last but not least, children have to attempt varietycourses which teach they to sing, dance and etc outside the school. It is notdifficult to notice that we put too much emphasis on intellectual.

However, during we pay(是否可以"during our paying"或者用while 比较两种情况岂不更好) more attention tothe improvement of intellectual, we ignore emphasis on development ofnon-intellectual. School, in （in 可删）where children get the same education with eachother, keeps within limit to the education of healthy emotion and imagination.Besides, many parents determine (此词不佳)child to be a good one or a bad one(不如考虑wether their children to be excellence or not) merelythrough the score he\ she(their) get. Furthermore, they will found that society andcommunities employ a staff through how many certifications and what the levelof diploma when they are inviting applications for a job. Society has neglectedto develop children’s non-intellectual and lose sight of the importance ofemotion and imagination.

Pleasantly, society and parents are makingeffort to search the balance of intellectual and non-intellectual.

jw84UID: 2283839

改一改 是iuuse47

muerghqUID: 2272725

Issue47: “Society does not place enough emphasis on the intellect-that is, on reasoning and other cognitive skills.”
社会对于智力还是不够重视，比如推理和认知的能力
1.      智力和非智力对社会都很重要
2.      社会并非不重视智力
3.      但是社会却忽视了非智力
WORDS:407
Intellectual, that is reasoning and other cognitive skills, and non-intellectual, that is emotion and imagination, are somewhat like skeleton and flesh of a body, as well as society. However, I am questioning that whether society and community are pay less attention to intellectual as we unexpected.（这句跟上一句没有联系吧，更形不成转折，所以However……而且这里用question不好，应该直接提出自己的观点，而不是在怀疑什么）
One thing we have to do with our awareness（to do with our awareness怎么觉得怪怪的，自己求证一下） is that not intellectual is essential to society, but also non-intellectual. On one hand, （On the one hand）society cannot advance without non-intellectual merely with the support of intellectual.（merely with the support of intellectual, without non-intellectual ） Set Tyson as an example: Mike Tyson, who is the king of boxing area undoubtedly, has the superior skill compared with other boxers. Unfortunately, he lose his fantastic career life in case of he hurt opponent’s ear prepensely during compete. Soon, society was fulfilled with the news which brings so bad effect in a long time from then on. On the other hand, intellectual can be improved with the development of non-intellectual. A person, whose imagination and emotion are abundant, hardly have a thick intellectual inherently. （这句什么意思？能支撑你前面的观点吗？）In a word, a society cannot advance without cognitive skills, yet（and两部分是并列关系，没有转折） it cannot keep well-being without non-cognitive ones.
Many people have opposite perspective with the assert “society doesn’t place enough emphasis on the intellectual”. Firstly, children were playing toys, （children play toys）bauble which all have the function that improve children’s intellectual. Besides, what they eat and drink are all relevant to improve intelligence as well. （吃的和喝的都能提高智力？？）Secondly, children accept education whether when they （are）in primary, secondary and even in university are all link to the intellectual education. Last but not least, children have to attempt variety courses which teach they to sing, dance and etc outside the school. （唱歌和跳舞也是提高智力？应该是非智力的吧）It is not difficult to notice that we put too much emphasis on intellectual.
However, during we pay more attention to the improvement of intellectual, we ignore emphasis on development of non-intellectual. School, in where children get the same education with each other, keeps within limit to the education of healthy emotion and imagination. Besides, many parents determine child to be a good one or a bad one merely through the score he\ she get. Furthermore, they will found that society and communities employ a staff through how many certifications and what the level of diploma when they are inviting applications for a job. Society has neglected to develop children’s non-intellectual and lose sight of the importance of emotion and imagination.（这段总体在说在重视智力，而没有直接证明不重视非智力，因为重视智力并不代表不重视非智力，所以你这样反证是存在问题的）
Pleasantly, society and parents are making effort to search the balance of intellectual and non-intellectual.（）

总结：
还是忘了不少空格
开头没有直接提出自己的论点
每一段都没有展开去论证，不深入
而且在第四段中反证出现了问题
结尾太短

加油^_^

SkysijieUID: 2233317

这么多的错误，谢谢为我指出。改了再贴

jw84UID: 2283839

Intellectual, that is reasoning and other cognitive skills, and non-intellectual, that is emotion and imagination,(这几个and 看起来有点晕乎，呵呵） are somewhat like skeleton and flesh of a body, as well as society. However, I am questioning（探讨一下，不知道用这种时态好不好) that whether society and community are pay(语法） less attention tointellectual as we unexpected.

One thing we have to do with our awarenessis that not only intellectual is essential to society, but also non-intellectual. Onone hand, society cannot advance without non-intellectual merely with the support of intellectual. Set Tyson as an example: Mike Tyson, who is the king of boxing area undoubtedly, has the superior skill compared with other boxers.Unfortunately, he lose his fantastic career life in case of he hurt opponent’sear prepensely during compete. Soon, society was fulfilled with the news which brings so bad effect in a long time from then on. (对例子的分析少了点吧） On the other hand,intellectual can be improved with the development of non-intellectual. Aperson, whose imagination and emotion are abundant, hardly have a thickintellectual inherently. In a word, a society cannot advance without cognitiveskills, yet it cannot keep well-being without non-cognitive ones.

Many people have opposite perspective with the assert(assertion) “society doesn’t place enough emphasis on the intellectual”.Firstly, children were playing toys, bauble which all have the function that improve children’s intellectual. Besides, what they eat and drink are all relevant to improve intelligence as well. Secondly, children accept education whether when they in primary, secondary and even in university are all link to the intellectual education. Last but not least, children have to attempt variety courses which teach they to sing, dance and etc outside the school. It is not difficult to notice that we put too much emphasis on intellectual.

However, during we pay more attention to　the improvement of intellectual, we ignore emphasis on development of non-intellectual. School, in(删去） where children get the same education with eachother, keeps within limit to the education of healthy emotion and imagination.Besides, many parents determine child to be a good one or a bad one merely　through the score he\ she get. Furthermore, they will found that society and　communities employ a staff through how many certifications and what the level　of diploma when they are inviting applications for a job. Society has neglected　to develop children’s non-intellectual and lose sight of the importance ofemotion and imagination.（感觉这段得论证是在说　我们单一的重视了智力因素，而没有谈到　到底是怎么忽视了　在什么方面忽视了　非智力因素）　对ＴＳ没有进行完备的阐述

Pleasantly, society and parents are making　effort to search the balance of intellectual and non-intellectual.

我能看出你已经开始注意了一些语法错误了，这很好，错误总是慢慢改的　加油
你写这篇文章肯定是经过了自己思维的，有独到的一些东西，比如吃东西　喝水　能提高智力。　其实现在社会上很多营养品就号称能提高智力，不过你没有讲清楚，阐释明白，老米肯定会看不懂的，呵呵　论证的深度应该再加强　
一起加油！