issue11 <aspire互改小组>第4次作业

jjjinyUID: 2297865

The opinion that a global university should be built which is supported by all nations in order to slove the world's most persistent social problems is not advisable thought, thought it is really a innovative suggestion. There are many big problems to be setteled.
As you can see, a global university is a ideal complexion which can't be put into reality because of there are many constrains to restricte it. For one thing,  "Global University" is a good concept but when it come to our daily life, there may be a lot of discriminations coming up with it. For example, where should the location of the university? in developed country or developing country? The location would decide which group of students can enter in the university and so it can't be called a global university.  Another problem is that how can ALL nations support the global university? how would the proportion would be? the distribution of the supporting tasks may cause a lot of problems. If a country devote most of the funds to support the university, it surely wants the school to admit more students from its country. So the admittion of the students may not only by their abilities and brightness, but also lots of other factors which may seems to be unfair to the procession of the engagement and even to the whole society.
Another big problem should be paid special attention to is that whether the world's most persistent social problems can be solved by the students in a university? Students don't contact too much with the society, so there may be a lot of differences in thoughts between a student who grow up in schools and an employer who has been working for many years. Sometimes, academicians are too ideal when consider a problem, and they don't know the actual inner relationships between some social problems. Thus, some of their schemes may not feasible. I think we should build a university and engage students to solve the persistent social problems, maybe we can establish some associations or such kinds of organizations to solve social problems.
A problem which is called the wolrd's most persistent social problem is surely hard to settle. In order to give some good solving suggestions on it, we should take all the factors into our consideration, especially all the classes and all the interest groups.So whether a global university or an organization being built to solve the problem, people from every rank of the society should involved in. Only on the purpose of benefit the whole world in stead of a certain country or class can the social problems be solved relatively fairly.
In a word, the suggestion of building a global university is really a innovative one while a lot of practical factors should be taken into consideration. How can a global university be supported by all nations? How to make the procession of the engagement into the university fair? How to solve the world's most persistent social problems? If all the nations can reach an agreement on the above questions, I think maybe a global university can be built in the near future.

seven741UID: 2260128

The opinion that a global university should be built which is supported by all nations in order to slove[solve] the world's most persistent social problems is not advisable[practical] thought, thought[though] it is really a innovative suggestion. There are many big problems [, standing in the way of establishing such a university,] to be setteled[settled].
As you can see, a global university is a ideal complexion which can't be put into reality because of[删掉] there are many constrains[constraints] to restricte it[keep it from being implemented]. For one thing, "Global University" is a good concept but when it come to our daily life, there may be a lot of discriminations[歧视？unfairness] coming up with it. For example, where should the location of the university [be] ?[,] in developed country or developing country? The location would decide which group of students can enter in[删掉] the university and so[逻辑有问题，没讲清楚为什么不能成为真正全球性的大学。The incorrect selection of the location may cause the selection of students to be too limited to certain areas so that] it can't be called a global university.  Another problem is that how can ALL nations support the global university? how would the proportion would be?[宾语从句怎么能用疑问倒装和问号呢？改成：Another problem is that how ALL nations can support the global university and how the proportion would be.] the[The] distribution[selection] of the supporting tasks may cause a lot of problems[controversies]. If a country devote most of the[most of the改成its] funds to support the university, it surely wants the school to admit more students from its country. So the admittion[enrollment] of the[删] students may not only [judged] by their abilities and brightness, but also lots of other factors which may seems to be unfair to[in] the procession[process] of the engagement[招生？事业？] and even to the whole society. [举了两个方面的问题：选址和经费。第一个点是选址影响招生的全球性，我表示质疑，并且作者没有任何证据就如此论断，是不是有欠合理；第二个点是各国资助经费有国家主观性，这里先讲的经费如何使用，在没讲清楚的情况下又转到资助影响学生录取数量问题，逻辑比较混乱，叙述也相当模糊。]
Another big problem should be paid special attention to[special attention should be paid to] is that[删] whether the world's most persistent social problems can be solved by the students in a university?[.] Students don't contact too much with the society, so there may be a lot of differences in thoughts between a student who grow up in schools and an employer who has been working for many years. Sometimes, academicians are too ideal when consider a problem, and they don't know the actual inner relationships between some social problems. Thus, some of their schemes may  [be] not feasible. I think we should [not] build a university and engage students to solve the persistent social problems, [instead,] maybe we can establish some associations or such kinds of organizations to solve social problems.
A problem which is called the wolrd's[world’s] most persistent social problem is surely hard to settle[废话]. In order to give some good solving[删] suggestions on it, we should take all the factors into our consideration, especially all the classes and all the interest groups.[空洞] So whether a global university or an organization being[should be] built to solve the problem, people from every rank of the society should involved in. [什么意思？]Only on the purpose of benefit[ing] the whole world in stead of a certain country or class can the social problems be solved relatively fairly.
In a word, the suggestion of building a global university is really a[an] innovative one while a lot of practical factors should be taken into consideration. How can a global university be supported by all nations? How to[should we] make the procession[process] of the engagement[招生？] into the university fair? How to[can we] solve the world's most persistent social problems? If all the nations can reach an agreement on the above questions, I think maybe a global university [which] can be built in the near future.
评：个人感觉文章思路有些凌乱，意思表达不清楚。第二段讲建立这样一所大学有很多操作性困难，但是他又未能讲清楚；对于学生是否胜任如此任务的叙述我认为也比较主观，缺乏说服力；最后两段的总结尤其空泛，不能明确地给出作者地观点。另外，句法和字词的使用也有问题，影响了表达的清晰性。总之，文章 has a large room to be improved.

[ 本帖最后由 seven741 于 2007-2-9 14:28 编辑 ]