argument26 【米国有米】寒假作业第11天2－6

xwy8187UID: 2217620

TOPIC: ARGUMENT26 - The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.
"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system."
WORDS: 396          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2007-2-6
    In the memo above the Saluda school board planned to hire Mr.Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system.Their reasons are that When Mr.Charles Schade was the music director at Steel City High School,The school band had won three regional band competitions and the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical  instruments has been improved.At first glance,these reasons seems reasonable.But when we give a little more scrutiny in it,we'll find that these reasons actually are not powerful enough to support the board's plan.
    First of all,the sucess of the school band is probably not Schade's contribution.Schade might not in charge with the school band,he is only a music director.There was a high probability that becouse some music administors were in charge of the band or the high quality of the members of the band that lead to the success of the band.The memo don't give the neccessary description of the relationship between Mr. Scharde and the band.For this reason,I don't think it's advisable for the board to hire Mr.Schade.
    Besides.The improvements of the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments actually didn't have a necceary bond to the music ability of Mr.Schade.May be the deeds of improvements are done by some other leaders in the school. for example,the administrators of the music education system in the Steel City High.And what's more,the three year's success of the school band may be resulted from the improvements of the music facilities and instruments,instead of the great instruction of Mr.Schade.For this,I still don't think it's advisable for the board to hire Mr.schade.
    So,as to my opinion,there should be some more work done by the Saluda school board in order to hire the ideal person for the music education programs.They should invest into the genuine reasons why the school band could won three times and how the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments of Steel City High School got improved to judge the qualification of Mr.Schade.And then,if all these are acually done by Mr.Schade,still he might not be the perfect person for the general music education programs,there was a chance that he did't suit to manage the programs,though he is good in manage band.Instead,Some other candidates,for example,some capable musicians out of school but had done similar work before,might suit to the job.So,I really recommendate the board to give other candidates a shot.

blackswitchUID: 2110679

In the memo above the Saluda school board planned to hire Mr.Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system.Their reasons are that When 小写吧when Mr.Charles Schade was the music director at Steel City High School,Thethe school band had won three regional band competitions and the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical  instruments has been improved. At first glance,these reasons seems reasonable. But when we give a little more scrutiny in it, we'll find that these reasons actually are not powerful enough to support the board's plan.
    First of all,the sucess of the school band is probably not Schade's contribution. Schade might not in charge with the school band,he is only a music director. There was a high probability that because some music administors whowere in charge of the band or the high quality of the members of the band that lead to the success of the band.The memo don't give the neccessary description of the relationship between Mr. Scharde and the band.For this reason,I don't think it's advisable for the board to hire Mr.Schade.
    Besides. The improvements of the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments actually didn't have a neccearynecessary bond to the music ability of Mr.Schade. May be the deeds of improvements are done by some other leaders in the school. for example,For examplethe administrators of the music education system in the Steel City High. And what's more,the three year's success of the school band may be resulted from the improvements of the music facilities and instruments,instead of the great instruction of Mr.Schade.For this,I still don't think it's advisable for the board to hire Mr.schade.
    So, as to my opinion,there should be some more work done by the Saluda school board in order to hire the ideal person for the music education programs.They should invest into the genuine reasons why the school band could won three times and how the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments of Steel City High School got improved to judge the qualification of Mr.Schade.And then,if all these are actually done by Mr.Schade,still he might not be the perfect person for the general music education programs,t here was a chance 我觉得这里用Perhaps好些吧that he did't suit to manage the programs,though he is good in manage band.Instead,Some other candidates,for example,some capable musicians out of school but had done similar work before,might suit to the job. So,I really recommendate the board to give other candidates a shot.结尾段的写法 比较新颖，不仅作为总结而且也引出了题目中的错误
怎么说呢，对于Argument，现在都不知道该怎么评了。总之文章读起来比较流畅，分析和思路都很清楚，如果要拿满分的话，个人认为在论证中还需要再深入