arguement147 求拍加求作文互改

nkmatchUID: 2242521

147 "Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. Thesurvey asked video-game players what features they thought were most importantin a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind hasjust introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaigndirected at people 10 to 25 years old, the age group most like to play videogames. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely toincrease dramatically in the next few months."
用时90分钟， 字数652。

提纲用的242argu里面的。因为自己写的觉得不如人家的全面。如下。
1.decline of the sales的原因仅仅是游戏不受欢迎？是可能有其他原因导致。
2.survey有没有可信性？调查的结果能否适用于10到25岁的所有人？
3.即使调研为真，会有很多人买游戏么？---那需要高配置的computer，年轻人负担不起。

In this analysis the arguer attempts to convince us that the sales of Whirlwind(WW) video games will be likely to increase in the near future. To substantiate this claim, the arguer provides the survey that WW has made to find out the factors that decline the sales of WW video games in the past two years, after which the arguer introduces the solution that will be taken to increase the sales. However, as it stands, this analysis is unconvincing for several critical flaws.

First of all, by concluding the features were the only reason that the sales of WW video games were not good, the arguer commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. Even if the features of the WW videogames had some fallacies, and they might not be able to satisfy every player,it did not follow that this reason could result in the two years decline of the sales of WW video games. Probably, there would be other factors that might have contributed to the decline. For instance, the whole economic situation of thelast two years might not be good, which could probably directly lead to thedecline of sales of every company. If the decline in the year of 1998 when the financial crisis of the South-East Asian countries broke out which had influenced the economic situation of the whole world, changing the features of the games would turn out to be helpless. Without ruling out other possible factors that could give rise to the decline of the sales of WW video games, the arguer can not confidently conclude that the changes that will be made in the features of the video games will help.

Furthermore, the arguer provides no assurances that the survey on which the argument depends is statistically reliable. Lacking information about the representation of the respondents, the arguer concludes that the players all prefer games that provide lifelike graphics. Were these people in the survey representative of all the players? I myself am a video game player, while I do not think the lifelike graphics ofthe games is the only part that could attract me to play. The stories told by the games and the figures in the games are also very important for interesting games. For example, the Diabo made by the Blizzard company does not have vivid graphics, but it does have the fantastic stories and the figures with clear personalities,and this game has been a success for more than ten years. Clearly, without the representation of the survey, the arguer reaches the conclusion that the WW’s new games will be suitable for the people 10 to 25 years old, which would behighly suspected. Can the games with lifelike graphics only satisfy all thepeople from 10-year-old kids to 25-year-old young people? The arguer provides no evidence to convince us the new move would work.

Finally, even if the outcome of the surveyis is convincible, the arguer does not provide any evidence that the consumer would buy the new games. In contrary, the arguer mentions that these kind ofnew games requires the most up-to-date computers which would be really expensive. Meanwhile, it is designed for the people from ten to twenty-fivewhich do not earn or do not earn too much money, which means that there would be a good chance that these young people would not be afford to buy the games. Asa result, we can not safely assume that these new games would help to increase the sales of WW video games.

In summary, this argument is not persuasiveas it stands. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to provide substantive outcome of the survey and the evidence that could proof the real reason thatmade the decline of the sales of WW video games, also, the arguer should givethe subdivision of the company’s consumer market before it makes the sales strategy.

[ 本帖最后由 nkmatch 于 2007-2-8 21:50 编辑 ]

nkmatchUID: 2242521

忘记说，我的作文是3月28日在北京。

希望可以找到作文互改小组, 共同进步：）:handshake

预祝大家新年快乐：）

expire7UID: 2160574

开头和结尾不要复述题目的。一两句话带过就好。

survey证明了feature。所以如果你要批评survey应该放在feature前面。个人觉得。

body3的展开略微简单了一点。B1和B2写得比较合适，以后就是要保证A的论证如此充分。

还有一个问题是，一些市场因素没有考虑到，这些可以参看同主题里面的分析。


BTW，举了blizzard公司，我稀饭它。加油。等别人给你详细看吧。

nkmatchUID: 2242521

多谢斑斑：）

AnakinFoxeUID: 2277358

我也来顺路提一点，关于blizzard公司和它的diablo，的确是非常成功的公司和作品，但不保证这能成为一个人所皆知的common sense。所以，还是应该稍稍介绍下。

绚烂夏花UID: 2245298

In this analysis the arguer attempts to convince us that the sales of Whirlwind(WW) video games will beis likely to increase in the near future. To substantiate this claim, the arguer provides the survey that WW has made to find out the factors that decline the sales of WW video games in the past two years, after which the arguer introduces the solution that will be taken to increase the sales. However, as it stands, this analysis is unconvincing for several critical flaws.开头不够简洁，注意概括

First of all, by concluding the features were the only reason that the sales of WW video games were not good, the arguer commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. Even if the features of the WW videogames had some fallacies, and they might not be able to satisfy every player,it did not follow that this reason could result in the two years decline of the sales of WW video games. Probably, there would be other factors that might have contributed to the decline. For instance, the whole economic situation of thelast two years might not be good, which could probably directly lead to thedecline of sales of every company. If the decline in the year of 1998 when the financial crisis of the South-East Asian countries broke out which had influenced the economic situation of the whole world, changing the features of the games would turn out to be helpless. Without ruling out other possible factors that could give rise to the decline of the sales of WW video games, the arguer can not confidently conclude that the changes that will be made in the features of the video games will help.举的例子很实在，很有说服力

Furthermore, the arguer provides no assurances that the survey on which the argument depends is statistically reliable. Lacking information about the representation of the respondents, the arguer concludes that the players all prefer games that provide lifelike graphics. Were these people in the survey representative of all the players? I myself am a video game player, while I do not think the lifelike graphics ofthe games is the only part that could attract me to play. 个人经历作论据很少见，不过我觉得很不错哦The stories told by the games and the figures in the games are also very important for interesting games. For example, the Diabo made by the Blizzard company does not have vivid graphics, but it does have the fantastic stories and the figures with clear personalities,and this game has been a success for more than ten years. Clearly, without the representation of the survey, the arguer reaches the conclusion that the WW’s new games will be suitable for the people 10 to 25 years old, which would behighly suspected. Can the games with lifelike graphics only satisfy all thepeople from 10-year-old kids to 25-year-old young people? The arguer provides no evidence to convince us the new move would work. 嗬嗬，bizzard公司我是不了解的啦，不知道在美国是不是知名度也这么高呢？


Finally, even if the outcome of the surveyis is convincible, the arguer does not provide any evidence that the consumer would buy the new games. In contrary, the arguer mentions that these kind ofnew games requires the most up-to-date computers which would be really expensive. Meanwhile, it is designed for the people from ten to twenty-fivewhich do not earn or do not earn too much money, which means that there would be a good chance that these young people would not be affordaffordable to buy the games. Asa result, we can not safely assume that these new games would help to increase the sales of WW video games.相比前两段，本段略显单薄，不过也很不错的

In summary, this argument is not persuasiveas it stands. To strengthen the argument, the arguer would have to provide substantive outcome of the survey and the evidence that could proof the real reason thatmade the decline of the sales of WW video games, also, the arguer should givethe subdivision of the company’s consumer market before it makes the sales strategy.

nkmatchUID: 2242521

虽然才看到，赫赫，过年好，多谢啦^_^