issue31 【米国有米】寒假作业第13天2－8

xwy8187UID: 2217620

TOPIC: ISSUE141 - "Most people recognize the benefits of individuality, but the fact is that personal economic success requires conformity."
WORDS: 582          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2007-2-8

Every individual is a part of our society.In fact,the benefits of individuality is tightly related to the benefits of society.an Induvidual is easy to become success when he is in a stable and booming society.But he can also get failed,even he is so capable,when he is in a society of chaos.Since most people are attach so much emphasis on individuality,I contend that it is true that personal economic success requires a more sense of conformity,but just not so exclusively.

First of all,pepole born to be part of the society, each of our activity is one part of the movement of the society.so we must conform to the society which we live in.it is obvious that if an individual earned more money through legitimate ways,in turn he would contribute to the society more.But if what he earn is illegal,he would do harm to the society and the society would in turn punish him.Every country,even in the worldwide category,has its own base laws and priciples in business.Only obey these laws and priciples,can a person get economic success.Take the multinational companies for example.The reason why so may companies can become multinational is not only they have qualificatory commodities,but also they have the mind that it is essential to conform to the base laws and priciples of every society they will confront.On the contrary,if one don't  have the idea of conformity,no matter how capable he is,he would become a loser in the end.One of the vice presidents of Microsoft once gave a speech in our university,he told us a story,it went that there was a software engineer in a company,he is so brilliant that he can do what usually must be done by ten people.But ironically he got fired finally.Why?because he was so arrogant and ego that he hated everyone in his team,everyone in the team was called idiot by him.When his unsociable individuality had caused financial loss,he got fired.

However,we can't deny the fuction of individual struggling.When it comes to entreprener,the individuality of risk tolerance and patience and strategic judgement become the crucial elements to make one get economic success.For example,the idea of "fast food" came to Mcdonald when he found that the pace of people's lives are getting faster and faster year by year that people had less time to spend on dinner.Today,The "Mcdonalds" has become a real multinational company and we can see "Mcdonals" fast food restaurants located in almost all the corner of the world.besides,it is also easy to get economic success when one has creative and novel ideas.Take Bill Gates for example,when he anticipated the huge market of personal computer in the future,he unhesitantly dropped his university eduction in harvard and found the company of Microsoft with his companion Alien.Finally,the company developed the most popular operating systems like Ms-dos and Windows and then became the biggest company of the world.Consequently,Bill gates finally became the most rich man ever in the world.

Besides.Personal economic success is also depends on the fields the person is in.For example,in the consume-driven market and technological industry,where novel ideas and sensitive insigts are highly canonized,a person who is a maverick may easily get personal economic success,while in the traditional service industries,like finance,accounting,insurance,legitimate service and health care,a conformist with strict disciplin,high loyalty and more effective would be easier to get economic success.
So in conclusion,individuality and conformity are two indispensible and interdependable attributes of the society.One  who want to get economic success,should not only cultivate a conspicuous and insightful individuality,but also do everything just comform to the society.

winterlotusUID: 2258591

Every individual is a part of our society.In fact,the benefits of individuality is tightly related to the benefits of society.an Induvidual is easy to become success when he is in a stable and booming society.But he can also get failed,even he is so capable,when he is in a society of chaos.(这几句和第一段的推理是重复的，比较苍白)Since(感觉用however更好点) most people are attach so much emphasis on individuality,I contend that it is true(感觉有点多余) that personal economic success requires a more sense of conformity,but just not so exclusively.

First of all,pepole born to be part of the society, each of our activity is one(去掉更好些) part of the movement of the society.So we must conform to the society which we live in.it is obvious that if an individual earned more money through legitimate ways,in turn he would contribute to the society more.But if what he earn is illegal,he would do harm to the society and the society would in turn punish him.Every country,even in the worldwide category,has its own basical laws and priciples in business.Only obey these laws and priciples,can a person get economic success.Take the multinational companies for example.The reason why so many companies can become multinational is not only they have qualificatory commodities,but also they have the mind that it is essential to conform to the base laws and priciples of every society they will confront.On the contrary,if one don't  have the idea of conformity,no matter how capable he is,he would become a loser in the end.One of the vice presidents of Microsoft once gave a speech in our university,he told us a story,it went that there was a software engineer in a company,he is so brilliant that he can do what usually must be done by ten people.But(去掉更好，ironically 已经表示转折了) ironically he got fired finally.Why?Because he was so arrogant and egoistic that he hated everyone in his team,everyone in the team was called idiot by him.( 用he provoked everyone in his team 是不是更合适些）It is his egoism that had caused financial losses. He got fired.

However,we can't deny the fuction of individual struggling.When it comes to entrepreneurs,the individuality of risk tolerance and patience and strategic judgement become crucial elements to make one get economic success.For example,the idea of "fast food" came to Mcdonald when he found that the pace of people's lives are getting faster and faster year by year that people had less time to spend on dinner.Today,The "Mcdonalds" has become a real multinational company and we can see "Mcdonals" fast food restaurants located in almost all the corner of the world.besides,it is also easy to get economic success when one has creative and novel ideas.Take Bill Gates for example,when he anticipated the huge market of personal computer in the future,he unhesitantly dropped his university eduction in harvard and found the company of Microsoft with his companion Alien.Finally,the company developed the most popular operating systems like Ms-dos and Windows and then became the biggest company of the world.Consequently,Bill gates finally became the most rich man ever in the world.

Besides.Personal economic success is also depends on the fields the person is in.For example,in the consume-driven market and technological industry,where novel ideas and sensitive insigts are highly canonized,a person who is a maverick may easily get personal economic success,while in the traditional service industries,like finance,accounting,insurance,legitimate service and health care,a conformist with strict discipline,high loyalty and more effective would be easier to get economic success.
So(省去更好) in conclusion,individuality and conformity are two indispensible and interdependable attributes of the society.One  who want to get economic success,should not only cultivate a conspicuous and insightful individuality,but also do everything just comform to the society.

我的语法也不是很好，如果不对的，对不起了 ~~~~

问题：论点不够清晰，第三段的例子不是很合适，没有突出个人的个性，个人奋斗在其成功中的作用。第四段的比重应该再大些，来证明你的观点。

cckantUID: 2247822

issue31 【米国有米】寒假作业第13天2－8
TOPIC: ISSUE141 - "Most people recognize the benefits of individuality, but the fact is that personal economic success requires conformity."
WORDS: 582          TIME: 0:45:00          DATE: 2007-2-8

Every individual is a part of our society. In fact, the benefits of individuality is tightly related to the benefits of society. An induvidual is easy to become success when he is in a stable and booming society. But he can also get failed, even he is so capable, when he is in a society of chaos.Since most people are attach so much emphasis on individuality, I contend that it is true that personal economic success requires a more sense of conformity,but just not so exclusively.(but not exclusively)
注意大小写, 逗号,句号后面要空格

First of all,pepole are born to be parts of the society, each of our activity is one part of the movement of the society.so we must conform to the society which we live in.it is obvious that if an individual earned more money through legitimate ways,in turn he would contribute to the society more.But if what he earning is illegal,he would do harm to the society and the society would in turn punish him.Every country,even in the worldwide category,has its own base laws and priciples(principles) in business.Only obey these laws and priciples,can a person get economic success.Take the multinational companies for example.The reason why so many companies can become multinational is not only they have qualificatory(quality) commodities,but also they have the mind that it is essential to conform to the base laws and priciples of every society they will confront.On the contrary,if one don't  have the idea of conformity,no matter how capable he is,he would become a loser in the end.One of the vice presidents of Microsoft once gave a speech in our university,he told us a story,it went that there was a software engineer in a company,he is so brilliant that he can do what usually must be done by ten people.But ironically he got fired finally.Why?because he was so arrogant and ego that he hated everyone in his team,everyone in the team was called idiot by him.When his unsociable individuality had caused financial loss,he got fired.应该解释一下conformity 和遵守法律商业原则, 人际关系的关系

However,we can't deny the fuction(function) of individual struggling.When it comes to entreprener,the individuality of risk tolerance and patience and strategic judgement become the crucial elements to make one get economic success.For example,the idea of "fast food" came to Mcdonald when he found that the pace of people's lives are getting faster and faster year by year that people had less time to spend on dinner.Today,The "McDonalds" has become a real multinational company and we can see "McDonals" fast food restaurants located in almost all the corners of the world.besides,it is also easy to get economic success when one has creative and novel ideas.Take Bill Gates for example,when he anticipated the huge market of personal computer in the future,he unhesitatingly dropped his university eduction in Harvard(专有名词大写首个字母) and found the company of Microsoft with his companion Alien.Finally,the company developed the most popular operating systems like Ms-dos and Windows and then became one of the biggest companyies of the world.Consequently,Bill gates finally became the most rich man ever in the world.

Besides.Personal economic success (is划掉) also depends on the fields the person is in.For example,in the consumption-driven market and technological industry,where novel ideas and sensitive insights are highly canonized, a person who is a maverick may easily get personal economic success, while in the traditional service industries,like finance,accounting,insurance,legitimate service and health care,a conformist with strict disciplin,high loyalty and more effective would be easier to get economic success.
So in conclusion,individuality and conformity are two indispensable and interdependent attributes of the society.One  who want to get economic success,should not only cultivate a conspicuous and insightful individuality,but also do everything just comform to the society.
文章的修辞在语气上稍微有点绝对, 无法显示缺少外国人强调的critical thinking那种态度. 比方说” a person who is a maverick may easily get personal economic success” 不妨改位, the technology industry tends to raise more successful maverick than other traditional industries.