issue177 [南智二组sophia_hare第21次作业]

sophia_hareUID: 2185808

谢谢~请帮我评一下...
提纲:  position: 赞成, 不过认为世界同时也在变化
         1. 研究领域的例子
         2. 日常生活的例子
         3. 世界也是变化的

issue177 The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes.

   

    The speakers asserts that the study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world, and the world is the same as before while we are different in approaches to recognize it. I can't agree more with the first prong of the recommendation; however, I take exception with the second one since the world changes too.

    First of all, the study of an academic discipline alters our way of perceiving the world directly into a more abstract and instinctive way. The study of mathematics, for example, has changed the methods of studying in many spheres. In astronomy, the discovery of new stars no more solely depends on the telescope, but also can be found by performing mathematic calculation, which helped us to find Neptune. In economy, the discipline of math played an even more important part since it is always a good way to recognize the main factors which effects the markets as well as anticipate the tendency of development. The study of academic discipline gives us different methods which make the recognition more efficient and deep.

    Also, we can find many examples in our daily life to support the assertion that academic discipline gives us different eyes to see the world. With the developing knowledge of biology, we see the life-form from the outside size and color, to the cell, then to the genetic level. We never astonish at the scurvy again after we study some of the discipline of medicine. In a short word, the academic discipline gives us a newer and deeper access to the world.

    On the other hand, however, the world is not as stable as the speaker has proclaimed, it is changing all the time just as we are. Human activities not only add new things into this world, but also change the original appearance. Our ancestors must never had imaged the innovation of the computer and web, nor had them ever anticipated the global-warming that caused by greenhouse gases. It is because of our developing knowledge and interaction that make the world change day and night.

    To sum up, the study of academic discipline gives us a better way to perceive the world which is also changing.

     

[ 本帖最后由 sophia_hare 于 2007-2-10 11:36 编辑 ]

sophia_hareUID: 2185808

1. 结构
    最后对于世界变化的论点有点勉强, 其实人家也算是一种修辞手法, 对比而言, 短时间内世界也算是静止的, 写到后面真泄气.....其实硬写不喜欢的话,是因为我老写不长, 个人风格喜欢越简越好, 很伤脑筋...第一次写完全赞的题目, 没胆, 如何改掉字数的毛病呢?
2.学习别人的习作去,,一会有感想再补上:loveliness:

rose_07UID: 2276843

　:confused:
怎么我写的ISSUE117和你写的好像不是一道题目啊？

sophia_hareUID: 2185808

原帖由 rose_07 于 2007-2-10 10:19 发表
　:confused:
怎么我写的ISSUE117和你写的好像不是一道题目啊？

merryhareUID: 2215430

issue177 The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes.

   

    The speakers（没有s） asserts that the study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world, and the world is the same as before while we are different in approaches to recognize it. I can't agree more with the first prong of the recommendation; however, I take exception with the second one since the world changes too.（表明自己观点，明确）

    First of all, the study of an academic discipline alters our way of perceiving the world directly into a more abstract and instinctive way(是不是用one指代更好呢？). The study of mathematics, for example, has changed the methods of studying in many spheres. In astronomy, the discovery of new stars no more solely depends on the telescope, but also can be found （主语是discovery，我觉得用一个表示“执行”的词可能更好，如actualize）by performing mathematic calculation（多次计算是不是用复数更好呢？）, which helped us to find Neptune（我觉得用have already helped us 更好些，表示已发生了）. In economy（经济学用economics）, the discipline(窃以为“应用”用application更好些) of math played an even more important part since it is always a good（effective） way to recognize the main factors which effects(没有s) the markets as well as anticipate the tendency of development. The study of academic discipline gives us different methods which make the recognition more efficient and deep(加er).

Also, we can find many examples in our daily life to support the assertion that academic discipline gives us different eyes to see the world. With the developing knowledge of biology, we see life-form(加s) from the outside size and color, to the cell, then (even)to the genetic level(前面cell等都是范围，在这最好用spectrum). We are never astonished at( are never afraid of ) the scurvy again(any longer) after we study some (much) of the discipline of medicine. In a short word, the academic discipline gives us a newer and deeper access to (insight into) the world.

    On the other hand, however, the world is not as stable(不是说不稳定，强调变化，unalternable) as the speaker has proclaimed, it is changing all the time just as we are. Human activities not only add new things(ingredients) into this world, but also change the(its) original appearance. Our ancestors must never  had (had never)imaged the innovations of（such as） the computer and web, nor had them ever anticipated the global-warming that （有that必须有is,或干脆不要that,过去分词作后置定语）caused by greenhouse gases. It is because of （强调句,没because of）our developing knowledge and interaction that make the world change day and night.

    To sum up, the study of academic discipline gives us a better way to perceive the world which is also changing. (结尾～～简约了点，呵呵)

     

文章脉路很清楚，结构紧凑，值得学习啊  呵呵

[ 本帖最后由 merryhare 于 2007-2-11 16:48 编辑 ]

sophia_hareUID: 2185808

:loveliness: 我的用词语法太有问题了,谢谢指正!你都改的好好~
               不过有点不太肯定:discovery 可以和actualize搭配么? 用made是不是可以?

merryhareUID: 2215430

呵呵  我只是举例啦   我也觉得made 更合适些