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Before recommending those who snores to eat less and to exercise more than the ordinary persons, a complete examination of evidences afforded by the author is needed. The argument assumes that people who snore can feel tire and thus reduce their exercise in the day without considering other factors which may have impaired the credibility of it.
First of all, the author unfairly presumes that those who snore have little physical exercises in(the) day at(in) the result of their fatigue caused by transitorily breathing wakes. In fact, because the time that snoring persons(snorers,snoring不是形容词,下面也有类似问题) are waked every time is extremely transient, the case that snoring people frequently are waked has little influence on their quality of sleeping. As a result, it is entirely possible that those who snore still may rest well and take exercise similarly as ever. Accordingly, it is too rashly to contend the interruption of breathing wakes can diminish snoring persons' exercise in day.
Even assuming that those who snore indeed diminish their day's exercises(似乎有点没对,不是打鼾的人减少运动,是打鼾的人的运动被减少了), to claim that the decline in their exercises in day can make them gain weight is unwarranted. The author possibly has overlooked a myriad of alternatives leading to their increased weight. Actually, it is fully likely that due to the fatigue, those snoring persons have changed their preceding exercising habits. Furthermore, by the full rest of a whole day, they might have accessed to more complete energy at night. Thus, they take more exercises at night in order to keep physical fitness. For (the或改为lacking)lack of the consideration, the assertion that the diminished exercises in day cause those who snore to gain weight is untenable.
Finally, granted that the decreased day's exercises contribute to the increase in weight of snoring persons, to suggest that they should try to eat less than the average persons is not reasonable. In the first place, eating less does not necessarily decrease their weight. For instance, although those who snore reduce the total amount of their foods, they can not reduce their weight and even enhance their weight if they eat more foods high in energy and hot(不知道这种表达是否科学,calorie可以,energy and heat可能也会好一点) like meats and cheeses than the past. In addition, even if eating less can diminish snoring persons' weight, the author also neglects some negative effects of reducing foods. Perhaps it will give rise to dystrophy and in respond (是否该加to)suffer those who snore from some serious diseases like anemia. Under this case, the suggestion(同位语从句中that不可省) to diminish foods is quite dangerous.
From what has been discussed above, we can safely arrive at the conclusion that the author’s assertion cannot convince us unless he or she can provide more information about true perception and exercising habits of those who snore.
楼主的文章思路很清晰,典型的让步攻击,以前我也试过一篇,写起来感觉不错.而且文章仅有一些小错,句式也比较丰富,只是读过去发现diminish这个词有点多,建议总结一下减少的其他词语. |
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