argument145 同主题写作

aunknownUID: 2173661

TOPIC: ARGUMENT145 - A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds, a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticed-and can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores, therefore, should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.

逻辑线：打鼾使人不断醒来—》导致人的睡眠质量低，而感觉白天疲乏—》减少白天的运动量—》体重增加---》要多锻炼，少吃饭

Outline: 1.打鼾并不会减少人们在白天的锻炼。暂停时间过短，不会影响睡眠。
        2．即使能减少人们白天的锻炼，也不会使人们增重。晚上锻炼
        即使打鼾的却使人们变胖，人们也不应当吃的少。a吃的少不管用 b吃的少的副作用

Before recommending those who snores to eat less and to exercise more than the ordinary persons, a complete examination of evidences afforded by the author is needed. The argument assumes that people who snore can feel tire and thus reduce their exercise in the day without considering other factors which may have impaired the credibility of it.

First of all, the author unfairly presumes that those who snore have little physical exercises in day at the result of their fatigue caused by transitorily breathing wakes. In fact, because the time that snoring persons are waked every time is extremely transient, the case that snoring people frequently are waked has little influence on their quality of sleeping. As a result, it is entirely possible that those who snore still may rest well and take exercise similarly as ever. Accordingly, it is too rashly to contend the interruption of breathing wakes can diminish snoring persons' exercise in day.

Even assuming that those who snore indeed diminish their day's exercises, to claim that the decline in their exercises in day can make them gain weight is unwarranted. The author possibly has overlooked a myriad of alternatives leading to their increased weight. Actually, it is fully likely that due to the fatigue, those snoring persons have changed their preceding exercising habits. Furthermore, by the full rest of a whole day, they might have accessed to more complete energy at night. Thus, they take more exercises at night in order to keep physical fitness. For lack of the consideration, the assertion that the diminished exercises in day cause those who snore to gain weight is untenable.

Finally, granted that the decreased day's exercises contribute to the increase in weight of snoring persons, to suggest that they should try to eat less than the average persons is not reasonable. In the first place, eating less does not necessarily decrease their weight. For instance, although those who snore reduce the total amount of their foods, they can not reduce their weight and even enhance their weight if they eat more foods high in energy and hot like meats and cheeses than the past. In addition, even if eating less can diminish snoring persons' weight, the author also neglects some negative effects of reducing foods. Perhaps it will give rise to dystrophy and in respond suffer those who snore from some serious diseases like anemia. Under this case, the suggestion to diminish foods is quite dangerous.

From what has been discussed above, we can safely arrive at the conclusion that the author’s assertion cannot convince us unless he or she can provide more information about true perception and exercising habits of those who snore.

[ 本帖最后由 aunknown 于 2007-2-17 01:10 编辑 ]

jennie1221UID: 2262439

Before recommending those who snores to eat less and to exercise more than the ordinary persons, a complete examination of evidences afforded by the author is needed. The argument assumes that people who snore can feel tire and thus reduce their exercise in the day without considering other factors which may have impaired the credibility of it.

First of all, the author unfairly presumes that those who snore have little physical exercises in(the) day at(in) the result of their fatigue caused by transitorily breathing wakes. In fact, because the time that snoring persons(snorers,snoring不是形容词,下面也有类似问题) are waked every time is extremely transient, the case that snoring people frequently are waked has little influence on their quality of sleeping. As a result, it is entirely possible that those who snore still may rest well and take exercise similarly as ever. Accordingly, it is too rashly to contend the interruption of breathing wakes can diminish snoring persons' exercise in day.

Even assuming that those who snore indeed diminish their day's exercises(似乎有点没对,不是打鼾的人减少运动,是打鼾的人的运动被减少了), to claim that the decline in their exercises in day can make them gain weight is unwarranted. The author possibly has overlooked a myriad of alternatives leading to their increased weight. Actually, it is fully likely that due to the fatigue, those snoring persons have changed their preceding exercising habits. Furthermore, by the full rest of a whole day, they might have accessed to more complete energy at night. Thus, they take more exercises at night in order to keep physical fitness. For (the或改为lacking)lack of the consideration, the assertion that the diminished exercises in day cause those who snore to gain weight is untenable.

Finally, granted that the decreased day's exercises contribute to the increase in weight of snoring persons, to suggest that they should try to eat less than the average persons is not reasonable. In the first place, eating less does not necessarily decrease their weight. For instance, although those who snore reduce the total amount of their foods, they can not reduce their weight and even enhance their weight if they eat more foods high in energy and hot(不知道这种表达是否科学,calorie可以,energy and heat可能也会好一点) like meats and cheeses than the past. In addition, even if eating less can diminish snoring persons' weight, the author also neglects some negative effects of reducing foods. Perhaps it will give rise to dystrophy and in respond (是否该加to)suffer those who snore from some serious diseases like anemia. Under this case, the suggestion(同位语从句中that不可省) to diminish foods is quite dangerous.

From what has been discussed above, we can safely arrive at the conclusion that the author’s assertion cannot convince us unless he or she can provide more information about true perception and exercising habits of those who snore.

楼主的文章思路很清晰,典型的让步攻击,以前我也试过一篇,写起来感觉不错.而且文章仅有一些小错,句式也比较丰富,只是读过去发现diminish这个词有点多,建议总结一下减少的其他词语.

jennie1221UID: 2262439

忘了一点,开头很简洁.:)

aunknownUID: 2173661

谢谢楼主的修改,一定把陋习好好改改!:handshake

jennie1221UID: 2262439

你说得太严重了!!我觉得你写得比我不晓得好到哪里去了,我的水平充其量也就能到三分,刚刚一个印度g友说得,我现在正郁闷呢.

而且自己练的很少,看来要加紧了!!!!!:funk:

那个一二三我挺喜欢的,不过如果文章如有因果链,让步应该是很好的写法.

我想请问下你说的那写批评一二三的文章是什么,我想看下,你有那些文章的链接吗?