Argument117 欢迎来拍，留链必回

kexinyupiaoUID: 2250204

TOPIC: ARGUMENT117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
  
In the memo presented above, the business manager of Valu-Mart Stores recommends several changes which will enable the office supply department to be the most profitable component of the stores. To support the recommendation, the manage points out a recent survey which shows most respondents are required to take more work home. Therefore, the manager reasons that by increasing the stock of home office machines and of office supplies, they can surely take advantage of this trend. However, the manager's recommendation is based on several ungrounded assumptions which make the recommendation specious as it stands.

To begin with, by citing the recent survey, the manager assumes that more and more people are taking more work home form the workplace so that these people will need to purchase more office supplies. However, the manager fails to mention how the survey was conducted, how many people respond to the survey, and whether these respondents were enough representative of all the members of the work force as a whole. Without further information, it is very likely that the feedback of these respondents cannot reflect the actual opinions of all the workers. Besides, there is still a possibility that these respondents were simply complaining about their work in the survey, so that the result of the survey cannot be taken seriously. Even assuming that most of people are required to take more work home with them than they were in the past, the manager does not prove that these people need to buy office supplies to finish their word at home. Perhaps, these people can have their work done merely with the help of computers. Or perhaps, these people already have enough office supplies at home to get the job done.

Secondly, by claiming that Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply department, the manager overlooks the possibility that the office supply offered by Valu-Mart office-supply department are not catering to the preference or interest of the potential buyers. Further more, the manager's recommendation that increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines and office supplies, the manager fails to account for the possibility that some Valu-Mart stores are far away from where people live so that these stores will not make a profit if the recommendation is adopted by all the stores. Besides, the manager fails to take customers' need into consideration, as it is possible that people just need to buy office supplies to have their work done at home rather than home office machines.

Finally, by unfairly claiming that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of their stores, the manager does not account for other factors that might influence the profit margin of the office-supply market. To weigh the profit, one has to weigh benefit against the cose such as the expense of transportation, advertisement, and so forth. Beside, the manager fails to consider the competition that might also influence the profit margin. Moreover, the manager unfairly overlooks the efforts of other components of the store such as food departments and electrical machine departments which are likely to make more profit than the office-supply departments.

In sum, the manager fails to substantiate the recommendation as sound enough to put to practice. To bolster the recommendation, the manager needs to provide convincing information that most people need to have their work done at home and they need to purchase more office supplies and Valu-Mart stores are their best choices. To better assess the argument, I need more information about the sale condition of other departments of Valu-Mart stores.

shuwenyingUID: 2233183

In the memo presented above, the business manager of Valu-Mart Stores recommends several changes which will enable the office supply department to be the most profitable component of the stores. To support the recommendation, the manage points out a recent survey which shows most respondents are required to take more work home. Therefore, the manager reasons that by increasing the stock of home office machines and of office supplies, they can surely take advantage of this trend. However, the manager's recommendation is based on several ungrounded assumptions which make the recommendation specious as it stands.其实不是开头长就不好，其实我很喜欢你这种详细的开头，但是关键要看自己的打字速度进行取舍……偶的打字速度……

To begin with, by citing the recent survey, the manager assumes that more and more people are taking more work home form the workplace so that these people will need to purchase more office supplies.more太多了 However, the manager fails to mention how the survey was conducted, how many people respond to the survey, and whether these respondents were enough representative of all the members of the work force as a whole. Without further information, it is very likely that the feedback of these respondents cannot reflect the actual opinions of all the workers. Besides, there is still a possibility that these respondents were simply complaining about their work in the survey, so that the result of the survey cannot be taken seriously. Even assuming that most of people are required to take more work home with them than they were in the past, the manager does not prove that these people need to buy office supplies to finish their word at home. Perhaps, these people can have their work done merely with the help of computers. Or perhaps, these people already have enough office supplies at home to get the job done. 赞一个，想到好多可能性！

Secondly, by claiming that Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply department, the manager overlooks the possibility that the office supply offered by Valu-Mart office-supply department are is not catering to the preference or interest of the potential buyers. Further more一个单词, the manager's recommendation that increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines and office supplies这个句子中的the recommendation在整个复句中做什么成分？, the manager fails to account for the possibility that some Valu-Mart stores are far away from where people live so that these stores will not make a profit if the recommendation is adopted by all the stores.有点长，果然句子长了看起来有点费劲^_^，我要吸取教训了…… Besides, the manager fails to take customers' need into consideration, as it is possible that people just need to buy office supplies to have their work done at home rather than home office machines.

Finally, by unfairly claiming that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of their stores, the manager does not account for other factors that might influence the profit margin of the office-supply market. To weigh the profit, one has to weigh benefit against the cosecost such as the expense of transportation, advertisement, and so forth. Beside,besides the manager fails to consider the competition that might also influence the profit margin. Moreover, the manager unfairly overlooks the efforts of other components of the store such as food departments and electrical machine departments which are likely to make more profit than the office-supply departments. 赞赞，很流畅～

In sum, the manager fails to substantiate the recommendation as似乎可以去掉 sound enough to put to practice. To bolster the recommendation, the manager needs to provide convincing information that most people need to have their work done at home and they need to purchase more office supplies and Valu-Mart stores are their best choices. To better assess the argument, I need more information about the sale condition of other departments of Valu-Mart stores.

呵呵总体看来很好，没有什么大的问题
其实LZ这种开头比较保险，XDF的老师建议这样写～

kexinyupiaoUID: 2250204

谢谢楼上，修改稿：
In the memo presented above, the business manager of Valu-Mart Stores recommends several changes which will enable the office supply department to be the most profitable component of the stores. To support the recommendation, the manage points out a recent survey which shows most respondents are required to take more work home. Therefore, the manager reasons that by increasing the stock of home office machines and of office supplies, they can surely take advantage of this trend. However, the manager's recommendation is based on several ungrounded assumptions which make the recommendation specious as it stands.

To begin with, by citing the recent survey, the manager assumes that a increasing number of people are taking added work home form the workplace so that these people will need to purchase more office supplies. However, the manager fails to mention how the survey was conducted, how many people respond to the survey, and whether these respondents were enough representative of all the members of the work force as a whole. Without further information, it is very likely that the feedback of these respondents cannot reflect the actual opinions of all the workers. Besides, there is still a possibility that these respondents were simply complaining about their work in the survey, so that the result of the survey cannot be taken seriously. Even assuming that most of people are required to take more work home with them than they were in the past, the manager does not prove that these people need to buy office supplies to finish their work at home. Perhaps, these people can have their work done merely with the help of computers. Or perhaps, these people already have enough office supplies at home to get the job done.

Secondly, by claiming that Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply department, the manager overlooks the possibility that the office supply offered by Valu-Mart office-supply department are is not catering to the preference or interest of the potential buyers. Furthermore, by recommending to  increase the stock of home office machines and office supplies at all Valu-Mart stores, the manager fails to account for the possibility that some Valu-Mart stores are far away from where people live so that these stores will not make a profit if the recommendation is adopted by all the stores. Besides, the manager fails to take customers' need into consideration, as it is possible that people just need to buy office supplies to have their work done at home rather than home office machines.

Finally, by unfairly claiming that the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of their stores, the manager does not account for other factors that might influence the profit margin of the office-supply market. To weigh the profit, one has to weigh benefit against the cost such as the expense of transportation, advertisement, and so forth. Besides, the manager fails to consider the competition that might also influence the profit margin. Moreover, the manager unfairly overlooks the efforts of other components of the store such as food departments and electrical machine departments which are likely to make more profit than that of the office-supply departments.

In sum, the manager fails to substantiate the recommendation as sound enough to put to practice. To bolster the recommendation, the manager needs to provide convincing information that most people need to have their work done at home and they need to purchase more office supplies and Valu-Mart stores are their best choices. To better assess the argument, I need more information about the sale condition of other departments of Valu-Mart stores.