ISSUE51 飞跃小组disyoo第二次作业 拍好了有奖

disyooUID: 2223964

TOPIC: ISSUE51 - "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."
WORDS: 435          TIME: 0:43:04          DATE: 2007-2-25
提纲：
1.+ in the condition that the education is designed to meet the individual needs, some persistent social problems will be well solved.  environment
2.+ if the education is based on interests of each student, it is easy for students to accept the knowledge and do further research.  
3.- education will also be effective by adding more experiment and social serves, in this way, further more information will be absorb than learn only from books,. which will also do benefit to education. the leader of our university says that the students should do more work on innovation which comes from the experience out of school.


Does it necessary for education to be designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student? The speaker claims so, for the education will be truly effective only when do so. As I concede that, it is a useful way to designed education to meet the individual needs, and so it is with the interests of each student, so therefore is that the education will do more benefit to social. Otherwise in my view, some other way will also bring good to make education be effective.

First, it will make some social problems solved in the condition that if education is designed to meet the individual needs. The individual need is different in different time and different nations, in short, it is what is most wanted to be changed or to be researched in one nation. Here is an example that is very good, the environment in China and in Japan. The individual needs of environment in China is treatment of pollution in water but it is the problem of air pollution which is the most individual need in Japan, especially in Tokyo. So in different countries education should be designed to meet the individual need to solve the different kinds of social problems.

Further more, to reach interests of each student, the students will easier to accept the knowledge and to research. "No one likes to study.", as the head of Education college in my university once said (and I paraphrase): "unless education plays interest. Interest can make a further understanding and easier acception to each student who will find so much fun in the proceed of learning which as like playing" This points out that the education should be  based on the interests of each student in which there will be more value in education.

However, it is not enough to only design the education to meet the individual needs and interests of students, what more is that we need experiment and social service to change knowledge to experience. First, what we learn from books is formally designed by past that lead to that the students who graduate from the university without experience. Second, the students can only know how to use the skill which is learned from university by the way of thinking and trying. So it is also necessary for education to add more practice when teach the students.

In sum, education should be designed not only by the needs of the world and the interests of students, but also to be designed for further work after graduation, education is the way to make student be accepted by social.

[ 本帖最后由 disyoo 于 2007-2-25 14:01 编辑 ]

joyce8512UID: 2263806

Does it necessary for education to be designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student? The speaker claims so, for the education will be truly effective only when do so.（这句话不好，最好少用代词，最后一个so扩开） As I concede that, it is a useful way to designed education to meet the individual needs, and so it is with the interests of each student, so therefore （太多so了，不太书面。建议这句去掉so，Therefore另起一句，逗号隔开）is that the education will do more benefit to social. Otherwise in my view, some other way（ways） will also bring good to make education be effective.

First, it will make some social problems solved in the condition that if education is designed to meet the individual needs. The individual need is different in different time and different nations,(同一句话中最好不要反复出现同一个词，可用近义词替换，如diverse等等) in short, it is what is most wanted to be changed or to be researched in one nation. Here is an example that is very good（换成proper，good等简单词汇能不用就不用）, the environment in China and in Japan. The individual needs of environment in China is treatment of pollution in water but it is the problem of air pollution which is the most individual need in Japan, especially in Tokyo. So in different countries education should be designed to meet the individual need to solve the different kinds of social problems.

Further more, to reach interests of each student, the students will easier to accept the knowledge and to research. "No one likes to study.", as the head of Education college in my university once said (and I paraphrase): "unless education plays interest. Interest can make a further understanding and easier acception（用accept就好，可以作名词的，没有acception这个词） to each student who will find so much fun in the proceed of learning which as like playing" This points out that the education should be  based on the interests of each student in which there will be more value in education.

However, it is not enough to only design the education to meet the individual needs and interests of students, what（少is） more is that we need experiment and social service to change knowledge to （change sth into sth）experience. First, what we learn from books is formally designed by past that lead to that the students who graduate from the university without experience. Second, the students can only know how to use the skill which is learned from university by the way of thinking and trying. So it is also necessary for education to add more practice when teach the students.(不好。可换成during the process of teaching)

In sum, education should be designed not only by the needs of the world and the interests of students, but also to be designed for further work after graduation, education is the way to make student be accepted by social.

是限时完成的吗？是的话要先祝贺一下~
我觉得你的结构和分析都挺好的，但语言需要更好的改进一下。
1。尽量少用代词。避免指代不清，尽量用不同的方式扩开。而且扩开后字数也会无形中变多哦~
2。除主干部分外，修饰成分尽量少用同一个词。如表示“不同的”，可准备好多个词替换着用，避免行文单调。

看了你的计划，是我好几倍的工作量呢~
加油哦~
另外，提纲最好用简单的中文概括一下，便于别人拍你，呵呵~

[ 本帖最后由 joyce8512 于 2007-2-25 18:08 编辑 ]

disyooUID: 2223964

谢谢～ 现在都开始限时了 八号救考了…… 大家一起加油～

宇文化天UID: 2236904

Does(Is) it necessary for education to be designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student? The speaker claims so, for the education will be truly effective only when do so. As I concede that, it is a useful way to designed(design) education to meet the individual needs, and so it is with the interests of each student, so therefore is that the education will do more benefit to social. Otherwise in my view, some other way will also bring good to make education be effective.(开头段提出自己的观点，还不错，没有什么问题）

First, it will make some social problems solved in the condition that if education is designed to meet the individual needs. The individual need is different in different time and different nations, in short, it is what is most wanted to be changed or to be researched in one nation.（这里似乎写成两句比较好） Here is an example that is very good, the environment in China and in Japan. The individual needs of environment in China is treatment of pollution in water but it is the problem of air pollution which is the most individual need in Japan, especially in Tokyo. So in different countries education should be designed to meet the individual need to solve the different kinds of social problems.举例不错

Further more, to reach interests of each student, the students will (be)easier to accept the knowledge and to research. "No one likes to study.", as the head of Education college in my university once said (and I paraphrase): "unless education plays interest. Interest can make a further understanding and easier acception to each student who will find so much fun in the proceed of learning which as like playing" This points out that the education should be  based on the interests of each student in which there will be more value in education.

However, it is not enough to only design the education to meet the individual needs and interests of students, what more is that we need experiment and social service to change knowledge to experience. First, what we learn from books is formally designed by past that lead to that the students who graduate from the university without experience. Second, the students can only know how to use the skill which is learned from university by the way of thinking and trying. So it is also necessary for education to add more practice when teach the students.（写了另一方面，我觉得这个问题用这样的方式来写能让人看出思考比较全面）

In sum, education should be designed not only by the needs of the world and the interests of students, but also to be designed for further work after graduation, education is the way to make student be accepted by social(society)

我觉得总体还不错，思路也很清晰，楼上的也已经说了很多了，我也就只能改点小东西了，呵呵
限时能写到这样是应该祝贺一下，呵呵，我也是第一次改文章，还请多多指教，希望大家共同进步，取得好成绩~.