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[a习作temp] ARGUMENT67 飞跃小组disyoo第三次作业 求指教 [复制链接]

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发表于 2007-2-26 15:13:54 |显示全部楼层
TOPIC: ARGUMENT67 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a newspaper serving the villages of Castorville and Polluxton.

"Both the villages of Castorville and Polluxton have experienced sharp declines in the numbers of residents who pay property taxes. To save money and improve service, the two villages recently merged their once separate garbage collection departments into a single department located in Castorville, and the new department has reported few complaints about its service. Last year the library in Polluxton had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year. It follows that we should now further economize and improve service, as we did with garbage collection, by closing the library in Polluxton and using the library in Castorville to serve both villages."
WORDS: 428          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2007-2-26

In this memo, the author concludes that to further economize and improve service we should close the library in Polluxton (Po) and using the library in Castorvlle (Ca). To support the conclusion, the author cites that to save money and improve service, the two villages Po and Ca recently merged their separate garbage collection departments into a single department located in Ca, and the new department has reported few complains about its service. The author also points out that last year the library in Po had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year. The argument is based on a series of unsubstantiated assumption.

First, the report of the new collection department is not creditable. First, lacking information of who did such research and whether the organization is believable, that will lead the result of the report useless. Further more, the author fails to show evidence that few complaints about the service is based on the most people who use the department, perhaps many people who have complains do not take part in the study. So the result of the report is unbelievable.

Second, the fewer of users in library do little indicate that the economy and the service of the library depress. The solution is based on an assumption that the economize and the service of library is depress, but is it possible that fewer use of library is coursed by a poor service? No. Fewer use of the library perhaps because of many people who choose to read at home or on internet. In addition, the author has no evidence that fewer use of library will lead to a depression of economize. So the economize and service are depression that is not reasonable.

Third, the solution in garbage and the way using in library are not comparable. First, the use of garbage department and library is different one is for garbage collection and the other is for reading. Second the time of use of each is not the same, people have garbage everyday but they do not read books everyday. So it may be impossible to reach the same result if the library do the same work as the garbage collection department does.

In sum, the argument relies on some assumption which are less believable and less creditable, that is not strongly support the conclusion. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should show more information of the report to make it easy to be credited. The author should also present more evident that it is true that the library need to further economize and improve service.
凡是贵在坚持
成功源于心态
…………………

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发表于 2007-2-26 23:05:20 |显示全部楼层
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ARGUMENT67 飞跃小组disyoo第三次作业 求指教


TOPIC: ARGUMENT67 - The following appeared in a letter to the editor of a newspaper serving the villages of Castorville and Polluxton.

"Both the villages of Castorville and Polluxton have experienced sharp declines in the numbers of residents who pay property taxes. To save money and improve service, the two villages recently merged their once separate garbage collection departments into a single department located in Castorville, and the new department has reported few complaints about its service. Last year the library in Polluxton had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year. It follows that we should now further economize and improve service, as we did with garbage collection, by closing the library in Polluxton and using the library in Castorville to serve both villages."
WORDS: 428          TIME: 0:30:00          DATE: 2007-2-26

In this memo, the author concludes that to further economize and improve service we should close the library in Polluxton (Po) and using the library in Castorvlle (Ca). (Because the new department has reported few complaints about its service觉得放这里比较合适。)To support the conclusion, the author cites the fact that to save money and improve service, the two villages Po and Ca recently merged their separate garbage collection departments into a single department (was) located in Ca, and the new department has reported few complains about its service. The author also points out that last year the library in Po had 20 percent fewer users than during the previous year. The argument is based on a series of unsubstantiated assumption.

First, the report of the new collection department is not creditable. First(这里怎么有出来First呢,不觉得重复嘛?), lacking information of who did such research and whether the organization is believable, that will lead to the result of the report useless.(此句不通) Furthermore, the author fails to show evidence that few complaints about the service is based on the most people who use the department, perhaps many people who have complains (complaint才是名词)and do not take part in the study (seems survey is better). So the result of the report is unbelievable.

Secondly, the fewer of (需要嘛?)users in library do little(do and indicate both of them are verb ) indicate that the economy and the service of the library depress. The solution is based on an assumption that the economize and the service of library is depress(及物动词后面应该借东西啊,noun and v-ing), but is it possible that fewer library(放这里) users of(不要) library is coursed by a poor service? No. Fewer use of the library perhaps because of many people who choose to read at home or on internet. In addition, the author has no evidence that fewer use of library will lead to a depression of economize. So the economize and service are depression that is not reasonable.

Third, the solution in garbage and the way using in library are not comparable. First, the use of garbage department and library is different one is for(有问题) garbage collection and the other(another 比较合适,one ,then another) is for reading. Second the time of use of each is not the same 有问题, people have garbage everyday but don't mean they do not(放前面好像更合适) read books everyday. So it may be impossible(may 又 impossible,不合适) to reach the same result if the library do the same work as the garbage collection department does.

In sum, the argument relies on some assumptions which are less believable and less creditable, that is not strongly support the conclusion. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should show more information of the report to make it easy to be credited. The author should also present more evident that it is true that the library need to further economize and improve service.


不好意思,第一次改,有不适当之处,多多包涵。

[ 本帖最后由 pula 于 2007-2-27 00:12 编辑 ]

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RE: ARGUMENT67 飞跃小组disyoo第三次作业 求指教 [修改]

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