ARGUMENT87 飞跃小组disyoo第四次作业

disyooUID: 2223964

TOPIC: ARGUMENT87 - The following appeared in a memo to managers of Christine's, a chain of craft stores.

"Several major newspapers have recently run articles noting an increased interest in pottery. The number of potters in this country has risen by eighteen percent in the past five years, and pottery is particularly gaining popularity on college campuses. In order to take advantage of these trends, Christine's should immediately begin carrying a larger volume of pottery supplies. Since several of our stores have recently experienced a decrease in sales of painting supplies, all store managers should reallocate shelf space from the painting area for the display of pottery. Stores should display posters showing pottery that is designed to appeal to college-age individuals. These actions will undoubtedly increase our profits dramatically."
WORDS: 434          TIME: 0:31:30          DATE: 2007-2-27

In this memo, the author concludes that to increase the Christine's (Ch) profits dramatically, stores should display posters showing pottery that is designed to appeal to college-age individuals. To support the conclusion the author points out that several major newspapers run articles noting that the number of potters in this country has risen by 18% in the past five years, and pottery is particularly gaining popularity on college campuses. The author also cites that several of Ch's stores have recently experienced a decrease in sales of painting supplies. However, in this argument, relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumption.

First, the increasing of potters does little indicate that people do less interesting in painting. First, the reason of the increasing of potters in five years is uncertain, perhaps the amount of people is increasing in this five years and the need of the potter in the social is increasing equally. Second, some people who do art work maybe still stay in painting area even if the pottery is more popular. So the author can not say that people will convert to pottery from painting if it is based on less evidence.

Second, the fact of several of Ch's stores have decreasing in sales of painting can not lead to all of the stores of Ch have the same problem. Perhaps these stores which have decreasing in sales of painting are located in a place where no people do work or be interesting in painting, and that lead to a depression of painting selling. Or perhaps, the paintings in these stores are out of fashion, it is possible that people will choose the most popular ones to buy when they searching paintings among several art stores. So a deceasing in painting selling may be coursed by some other reasons.

Third, even if it will be a good sale on pottery, the profit to Ch is unreasonable. As we know, the profit is composed by cost and the income. First, the author forgets to mention the daily cost of each stores and the cost of pottery stock supplies. Also, the author does not mention that the income of each pottery in business. So if the cost is more than income, it will do no profit to Ch by selling pottery.

In sum, rely in some unbelievable assumption in the argument; the conclusion is less creditable as it stands. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should show more evidence that the students do little interest on painting. The author should also present more information to the cost of pottery for stock and the income for each day.

coraoneUID: 2233021

TOPIC: ARGUMENT87 - The following appeared in a memo to managers of Christine's, a chain of craft stores.

"Several major newspapers have recently run articles noting an increased interest in pottery. The number of potters in this country has risen by eighteen percent in the past five years, and pottery is particularly gaining popularity on college campuses. In order to take advantage of these trends, Christine's should immediately begin carrying a larger volume of pottery supplies. Since several of our stores have recently experienced a decrease in sales of painting supplies, all store managers should reallocate shelf space from the painting area for the display of pottery. Stores should display posters showing pottery that is designed to appeal to college-age individuals. These actions will undoubtedly increase our profits dramatically."
WORDS: 434          TIME: 0:31:30          DATE: 2007-2-27

In this memo, the author concludes that to increase the Christine's (Ch) profits dramatically, stores should display posters showing pottery that is designed to appeal to college-age individuals. (这里还是概括一下原文吧，直接照搬原文好像不是太好)To support the conclusion the author points out that several major newspapers run articles noting that the number of potters in this country has risen by 18% in the past five years, and pottery is particularly gaining popularity on college campuses. The author also cites that several of Ch's stores have recently experienced a decrease in sales of painting supplies. However, in this argument, relies on a series of unsubstantiated assumption.（还是前面那句话哈，开头概括一下吧，restate的内容太多了，而且基本上是照搬原文，至少是转述一下）

First, the increasing of potters does little indicate that people do less interesting in painting. First,（开头用了First了，大意了哦，应该换一下） the reason of the increasing of potters in five years is uncertain, perhaps the amount of people is increasing in this five years and the need of the potter in the social is increasing equally（“也许是在这5年中人口总数和陶工的增加是同步的“？好像说不通）. Second, some people who do art work maybe still stay in painting area even if the pottery is more popular. So the author can not say that people will convert to pottery from painting if it is based on less evidence.（个人觉得这段攻击点没展开，也不是很能说服人，你在主题句里面是兴趣在painting和pottery的比较，攻击的第一点，陶工的数量和兴趣不是很有关系，一，你没有指明，二，你没有把陶工数量这个问题说清楚；攻击的第二点，我没有很明白，陈述了一下，就直接so了？至少应该展开一下）

Second, the fact of several of Ch's stores have decreasing in sales of painting can not lead to all of the stores of Ch have the same problem. （攻击点对）Perhaps these stores which have decreasing in sales of painting are located in a place where no people do work or be interesting in painting, and that lead to a depression of painting selling. Or perhaps, the paintings in these stores are out of fashion, it is possible that people will choose the most popular ones to buy when they searching paintings among several art stores. So a deceasing in painting selling may be coursed by some other reasons（没有把攻击点展开，而且在我看来这好像并不是一个主要的攻击点，Perhaps...Or perhaps这样的结构有太常见了-.-b）

Third, even if it will be a good sale on pottery, the profit to Ch is unreasonable(这句主题句说得不行，应该指明profit的increase). As we know, the profit is composed by cost and the income. First,（又来个First,换一个，on on hand 啦for one thing啦这样的） the author forgets to mention the daily cost of each stores and the cost of pottery stock supplies. Also, the author does not mention that the income of each pottery in business. So if the cost is more than income, it will do no profit to Ch by selling pottery.

In sum, rely in some unbelievable assumption in the argument; the conclusion is less creditable as it stands. To strengthen the conclusion, the author should show more evidence that the students do little interest on painting. The author should also present more information to the cost of pottery for stock and the income for each day.（结尾不错）

限时能写成这样已经不错了，楼主加油！
问题主要就是攻击没展开，逻辑型不够强，攻击语言方面楼主可以再注意一下，显得重复的比较多。

帮我拍拍吧，http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=618102&extra=page%3D2，我们讨论讨论

加油加油！