ISSUE11 第一次作业，强烈谴责ETS此道陷阱题！！求拍，哪怕给思路也好

annasweeUID：2294850

ISSUE 11 “All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world’s most persistent social problem”

The author’s suggestion seems reasonable, however, after serious analyzing, it is easy to find that the recommendation speaker raised only does help to the superficial surface of the issue. Propelling the mutual development of global economy meanwhile advocating the human’s rationality and catholicity is the essential thing for solving the deep level question in the presented issue. I will discuss the reasons for my point view in the following parts.

In the first place, it is admitted that the suggestion, author presented, itself is a considerable idea, because only when people have the notion of understanding and mercy can they make the action to solve the persistent social problems. A man never consider about this question, without mentioning doing something helpful. Nevertheless, considering the practicality of the recommendation, there are still a lot of related conditions need to come into existence, thus the suggestion would be in use.

Secondly, It is doubtful whether each nation has enough mutual understand, catholicity, cooperation to carry out the author’s recommendation. In addition to the lack of those elements mentioned upon, people are not rational enough to surpass themselves, furthermore surpass over the nation, ethnic, boundary of the country, hence in, war, race discrimination, gap between rich and poor those I defined them as the persistent social problems still exist. For an example, a report about the war between Israel and Pakistan is worthy of being thought. A little Israel girl with dirty dress but beautiful eyes and innocent expression shot the boy immediately when she found he is Pakistani, because in her little heart there were only hatreds to Pakistani. There are weaknesses in people’s personality, which cause them cannot survive from the hostility. So it is hard for man to surpass himself, much more outreach the nation, ethnic. The fundamental reason behind it is lacking economic power, and that is why people still just live and develop within the nation and the ethnic.

Moreover, people need not go through the extremely cruel war and then learn how to understand each other. Many other ways lying for people to choose, such as WTO, WHO, IMF, those organizations provide people a better way to get together and solve the persistent social problems by communication and cooperation. Also, the tendency of globalization become incandescent supplies everybody in the world a larger room to develop. For instance, world famous typhoon company Wal-mart has now established over 5000 mass markets in 10 countries in the world, offers 1.6 million people jobs regardless of their rank, race, nation. The company so understands every culture, tolerates to contain different colors of people that Wal-mart can melt many marketing notions together, and conquers fierce conflicts between different distributors. From the case of Wal-mart, it shows nowadays there are plenty ways for people to choose to understand and cooperate. Besides wal-mart such kind of global company, there are still tourism, technical skills emigrant for globalization.

In a word, the effective way for solving social problems is to develop the world economy, as well as advocate human’s mutual understand and cooperation. It is inspired that the development of the world is tend to what people wished. Economy development is never-ending improvement. When a train has been started full-speed, who can stop it?

[ 本帖最后由 annaswee 于 2007-3-27 22:01 编辑 ]

laq2008UID：2194091

ISSUE11 第一次作业，强烈谴责ETS此道陷阱题！！求拍，哪怕给思路也好

ISSUE 11 “All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world’s most persistent social problem”The author’s suggestion seems reasonable, however, after serious analyzing, it is easy to find that the recommendation speaker raised only does help(help在这里是什么意思？) to the superficial surface of the issue. Propelling the mutual development of global economy meanwhile advocating the human’s rationality and catholicity is the essential thing for solving the deep level question in the presented issue. I will discuss the reasons for my point view in the following parts.In the first place, it is admitted that the suggestion, author presented, itself is a considerable idea, because only when people have the notion of understanding and mercy can they make the action to solve the persistent social problems. A man（a man 什么意思？） never consider about this question, without mentioning doing something helpful. Nevertheless, considering the practicality of the recommendation, there are still a lot of related conditions need to come into existence, thus the suggestion would be in use.Secondly, It is doubtful whether each nation has enough mutual understand, catholicity, cooperation to carry out the author’s recommendation. In addition to the lack of those elements mentioned upon, people are not rational enough to surpass themselves, furthermore surpass over the nation, ethnic, boundary of the country, hence in, war, race discrimination, gap between rich and poor those I defined them as the persistent social problems still exist. For an（an 可以去掉吧） example, a report about the war between Israel and Pakistan（是palestine不是巴基斯坦） is worthy of being thought. A little Israel girl with dirty dress but beautiful eyes and innocent expression shot the boy immediately when she found he is Pakistani, because in her little heart there were only hatreds to Pakistani. There are weaknesses in people’s personality, which cause them cannot survive from the hostility. So it is hard for man to surpass himself, much more outreach the nation, ethnic. The fundamental reason behind it is lacking economic power, and that is why people still just live and develop within the nation and the ethnic.Moreover, people need not go through the extremely cruel war and then learn how to understand each other. Many other ways lying for people to choose, such as WTO, WHO, IMF, those organizations provide people a better way to get together and solve the persistent social problems by communication and cooperation. Also, the tendency of globalization become incandescent supplies everybody in the world a larger room to develop. For instance, world famous typhoon company Wal-mart has now established over 5000 mass markets in 10 countries in the world, offers 1.6 million people jobs regardless of their rank, race, nation. The company so understands every culture, tolerates to contain different colors of people that Wal-mart can melt many marketing notions together, and conquers fierce conflicts between different distributors. From the case of Wal-mart, it shows nowadays there are plenty ways for people to choose to understand and cooperate. Besides wal-mart such kind of global company, there are still tourism, technical skills emigrant for globalization.In a word, the effective way for solving social problems is to develop the world economy, as well as advocate human’s mutual understand and cooperation. It is inspired（inspiring） that the development of the world is tend to what people wished. Economy development is never-ending improvement. When a train has been started full-speed, who can stop it?

感觉文章逻辑不是太清楚，单词量很大，很多单词不认识，呵呵。

和我一样，觉得lz 的论证还需要加强，可能是话题本身比较抽象吧

cocoon_mmUID：2259908

为啥说是陷阱题啊？

annasweeUID：2294850

因为很多人对着道题目分析思路完全就错了，所以论证再好也没有用

iq28UID：2152875

印象中lz的issue是典型的飘逸派代表
改起来有难度哇;d:

The author’s suggestion seems reasonable, however, after serious analyzing, it is easy to find that the recommendation speaker raised only does (拗口) help to the superficial surface of the issue. Propelling the mutual development of global economy meanwhile advocating the human’s rationality and catholicity is the essential thing for solving the deep level question in the presented issue. (首段提出了观念的细节而看了不让人觉得冗长.不错.不过deep level放在句首和前面的superficial surface早一点形成对应可能更完美) I will discuss the reasons for my point view in the following parts.

In the first place, it is admitted that the suggestion, author presented, itself is a considerable idea, because only when people have the notion of understanding and mercy (没看出这个和国际大学有什么关系) can they make the action to solve the persistent social problems. A man never consider about this question, without mentioning doing something helpful. (句子看上去便扭.而且也不知道你这句话到底什么意思.不考虑这个问题的人不会做有帮助地做某些事情.那个问题是什么?某些事情又是什么?太飘逸了) Nevertheless, considering the practicality of the recommendation, there are still a lot of related conditions need to come into existence, thus the suggestion would be in use. (整段不知所云.nevertheless前面意图承认作者建议的合理性而又没有清楚地说出个所以然.)

Secondly, (两段之间的关系不是并行了.上一段后面都已经说了要补充一些进入这个建议,段首结构词再用secondly明显不合适) It is doubtful whether each nation has enough mutual understand(ing), catholicity, cooperation to carry out the author’s recommendation. In addition (上面从国家的层次说,下面从个人的层次说,看了这个in addition有点怪.) to the lack of those elements mentioned upon, people are not rational enough to surpass themselves, furthermore surpass over the nation, ethnic, boundary of the country, hence in, war, race discrimination, gap between rich and poor those I defined them as the persistent social problems still exist. (很危险.到这里还没有出现国际大学的影子.) For an example, a report about the war between Israel and Pakistan is worthy of being thought. A little Israel girl with dirty dress but beautiful eyes and innocent expression shot the boy immediately when she found he is Pakistani, because in her little heart there were only hatreds to Pakistani. There are weaknesses in people’s personality, which cause them cannot survive from the hostility. So it is hard for man to surpass himself, much more outreach the nation, ethnic. (举了一大段毫无用处的例子.只是提到了这个枪杀.你要证明的是国际大学对于解决顽固问题无用,也就是要强调某种方法无用,你的例子中间连这种方法都没有出现,只是说到了人性问题的严重性,谈何证明.前面对于国际大学和人性问题的联系论证也很不充分) The fundamental reason behind it is lacking economic power, (莫明其妙给出一个跟前面没有关系的原因,下面也没有论证) and that is why people still just live and develop within the nation and the ethnic.

Moreover, people need not go through the extremely cruel war and then learn how to understand each other. (这里就更梦幻了.都不知道这个跟主题又什么关系.主题里面哪里提到war了) Many other ways lying for people to choose, such as WTO, WHO, IMF, those organizations provide people a better way to get together and solve the persistent social problems by communication and cooperation. (相对于国际大学这些方法更好,可以分开一段讲.但前提必须是你对于国际大学和解决问题的关系论证已经很充分,然后才可以开这个段落作为补充) Also, the tendency of globalization become incandescent supplies (病句) everybody in the world a larger room to develop. (同样这一句不知道你想要表达什么观念.和前一个观念的层次没有拉开) For instance, world famous typhoon company Wal-mart has now established over 5000 mass markets in 10 countries in the world, offers 1.6 million people jobs regardless of their rank, race, nation. (没看出这个例子跟解决问题有什么关系) The company so understands every culture, tolerates to contain different colors of people that Wal-mart can melt many marketing notions together, and conquers fierce conflicts between different distributors. (admittedly这些conflicts可能是问题的某些底层原因.但是你只是说到沃尔马融合了这些差异,还是不等于解决这些严重的问题) From the case of Wal-mart, it shows nowadays there are plenty ways for people to choose to understand and cooperate. Besides wal-mart such kind of global company, there are still tourism, technical skills emigrant for globalization. (偏题)

In a word, the effective way for solving social problems (回头看看你哪个body重点阐述了solve problems的) is to develop the world economy, as well as advocate human’s mutual understand and cooperation. It is inspired that the development of the world is tend to what people wished. Economy development is never-ending improvement. (实在不知这个和主题关系何在) When a train has been started full-speed, who can stop it? (结尾请明晰.不知道你这句想说什么)

off topic
很可惜
文字功底其实很不错的
有异议请回帖
欢迎讨论

pippo1983UID：172110

汗。。。lz对最关键的词，should和global university都没回应，est会说你对题目没有respond，跑得比较远。。。。。

iq28UID：2152875

原帖由 pippo1983 于 2007-3-27 23:10 发表
汗。。。lz对最关键的词，should和global university都没回应，est会说你对题目没有respond，跑得比较远。。。。。

agree

这篇应该低于3分

expire7UID：2160574

如果楼主喜欢写中文的文章，我们可以切磋一下。

外国人思路和中国人完全不一样，我可能又是说废话了。开门见山才是AW主要的写法。
第一段首先要介绍作者观点，适当复述。你根本就只提到assertion，这是什么？虽然也许你不提毫无问题。个人建议从整体性的角度来看，首段要提题目的观点。此外首段要简洁，明确。而你饶来绕去，似乎犹抱琵琶半遮面。打算用一些少用的词汇对比表达出的你的观点。可惜技巧运用不够娴熟，打算做一个精彩的亮相，反而失了分。

后面的段落，TS需要清晰明确。而文章的语法使用上面艰涩难懂。对考官无疑是一个打击。整个题目展开不按照题目来，飘逸的确。分数也就下去了。

中文的文章高手写时候可以点到即止，如蜻蜓点水，让人遐想。不过AW考试，考官才不会去image，他只管有没有给分的地方。没有就扣。

第一篇，继续加油！说的也许不妥，请谅解。

expire7UID：2160574

个人同意iq，是走题的。有点在Argu前提的嫌疑。

annasweeUID：2294850

哦游~~~~惊动了首席斑竹大能:funk: ,小的真是惊恐万分.
太激动了,眼泪水答答地啊~~~:eek:
谢谢BOSS级斑竹还有IQ斑竹,非常的感谢.
我受到教育拉~~~,正在修正问题ING......