argument38 【15日急速冲刺小组】 第3次作业

freeatomUID: 2142222

"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds are the reason most frequently given for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid, a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil, as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
WORDS: 400          TIME: 0:29:56          DATE: 2007-3-30

Before recommend Ichthaid to the public, we should reexamine the argument, as there are several flaws in the argument, which render it unconvincing as it stands.

First of all, the argument base on the unsubstantiated assumption that colds are the reason for the absenteeism in the schools and workplaces. However the author does not supply any powerful evidence about it.  The mere evidence that colds are the season most frequently given for absences from school and work does not necessary means that the colds is actually count for the absences. Perhaps they have lied so as to absent form been scold. Maybe they have stay up very later for playing games or watching TV at night, and they wake up very late so they do not want to go to schools and workplaces. Or perhaps their want to meet some friends and have some fun such as play the ball, playing game during the daytime. And being ill especially have a colds is better excuse.

The second is that other neglect other seasons that may cause people in East Meria less visits the doctor. It is possible that actually people there often catch cold, but they do not treat it seriously and so lazy as to not go to visit the doctor or they think that visit the doctor do not help them in cure the ill, they just let the immune system to cure the colds.

Even if the people in East Meria less catch a cold, it is not necessary means that it is the fish that prevent colds. As the author does supply any information about the gender, general health, age and diet in Meria. Perhaps people in East Meria often do some sports such as playing basketball and running, so they have good health and thus less likely to catch colds. Or perhaps they have good diet and they eat other things that would prevent colds such as Vitamin C. Without ruling out such possibilities, the author can not say that it is the fish that work.

Even if it is the fish that prevent colds, the author do not provide evidence that it is the Ichthaid in fish oil that prevent the colds. Maybe other ingredient in fish but not the Ichthaid prevent cold. Even if the Ichithaid can prevent cold, perhaps the Ichthaid derived form fish oil cannot have the same function. As it is possible that human can only absorb the Ichthaid in the fish because other ingredient in fish facilitate the absorption , so when the Ichthaid is derived it cannot be absorbed by human.

To better illustrate the argument, the author should offer more information to illustrate that it is the Ichthaid alone that prevent the colds, and the author should also prove that it is the colds cause the absenteeism in schools and workplaces

[ 本帖最后由 freeatom 于 2007-3-30 20:55 编辑 ]

dennis1230UID: 2247126

Before recommend Ichthaid to the public, we should reexamine the argument, as there are several flaws in the argument, which render it unconvincing as it stands.开头简洁，不罗嗦

First of all, the argument base /is based on the unsubstantiated assumption that colds are the reason for the absenteeism in the schools and workplaces. However the author does not supply any powerful evidence about it.  The mere evidence that colds are the season most frequently given for absences from school and work does not necessary/adj. necessarily adv. means that the colds is actually count for the absences. Perhaps they have lied so as to absent form been scold. Maybe they have stay up very later for playing games or watching TV at night, and they wake up very late so they do not want to go to schools and workplaces. Or perhaps their/they want to meet some friends and have some fun such as play the ball, playing game during the daytime. And being ill especially have/having a colds is better excuse.
在段落组织上，这一段表达了装病是缺席的重要原因，因此即使大量吃鱼使感冒下降了，也不会减少缺勤率。作者的推理是，减少了感冒就降低了缺勤率，那么应当先反驳减少感冒，再提出不能降低缺勤率，所以建议这一段放在最后，作补充

The second is that other neglect other seasons that may cause people in East Meria less visits the doctor. It is possible that actually people there often catch cold, but they do not treat it seriously and so are lazy as to not go to visit the doctor or they think that visit the doctor do not help them in cure/是不是应该是curing？ the ill, they just let the immune system to cure the colds. Even if the people in East Meria less catch a cold, it is not necessary means that it is the fish that prevent colds./这句话表达上显得有点重复 As the author does supply any information about the gender, general health, age and diet in Meria. /这句话没有主句 Perhaps people in East Meria often do some sports such as playing basketball and running, so they have good health and thus less likely to catch colds. Or perhaps they have good diet and they eat other things that would prevent colds such as Vitamin C. Without ruling out such possibilities, the author can not say that it is the fish that work.这一段论证的很详细，具体

Even if it is the fish that prevent colds, the author do not provide evidence that it is the Ichthaid in fish oil that prevent the colds. Maybe other ingredients in fish but not the Ichthaid prevent cold. Even if the Ichithaid can prevent cold, perhaps the Ichthaid derived form fish oil cannot have the same function. As it is possible that human can only absorb the Ichthaid in the/the去掉 fish because other ingredients in fish facilitate the absorption, so when the Ichthaid is derived it cannot be absorbed by human.

To better illustrate the argument, the author should offer more information to illustrate that it is the Ichthaid alone that prevent the colds, and the author should also prove that it is the colds cause the absenteeism in schools and workplaces

整体LZ思路很流畅，每一段的分析也都很具体，要好好学习阿



[ 本帖最后由 dennis1230 于 2007-3-31 14:31 编辑 ]

freeatomUID: 2142222

谢谢修改

iq28UID: 2152875

段内论证问题不小
没有直击要害
兜圈子居多

到时候看总结吧