Argument65 互拍！

PrudenceUID: 2286952

65The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

---正文---
According to the evidence about a new store and a recent survey, the president asserts that the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking imported cheeses and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. However, further examination reveals this assertion is problematic in several respects and renders it unconvincing.

To begin with, the mere fact that the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses does not stand fora nationwide trend of the other stores. It is entirely possible that this new store is opened where cheddar cheeses are more popular than other domestic and imported cheeses, which has to do with the dietetic habit of the residents. Besides, perhaps it is the promotion strategy adopted by the new store, which is common in new stores and used to attract customs with certain kinds of goods in lower prices, that helps these kinds cheeses sell well. Obviously, this strategy cannot last long, and when it ends, and the prices go back to the normal level, maybe then customs would not lend their preference to these cheeses. Regardless of the aforementioned alternatives, the president cannot gain any support from this fact.

Secondly, the survey itself is problematic in several points. First, the president should provide this information that how many people would buy Cheese of the World actual. If there is only a small amount of people who like to buy this magazine, the result of the survey would not be representative at all. Second, I wonder whether the most proportion of the people who buy the magazine are those who have relationship with the domestic cheeses factories. In that case, it is completely possible that in order to help their factories make great profits these people lie in this survey. Third, as to the increasing preference, it is totally possible that before the preference rate of domestic cheeses is 10 percent and now 20 percent, which is indeed increasing, however, the most part of the preference is still imported cheeses. In this respect, it is presumptuous for the president to assert that we should discontinue stocking imported cheeses, of which the consequence would be the stores would lose most of their customs and even go bankrupt. Then the survey lends no evidence to the president’s recommendation.

Last but not least, even if the president can modify the foregoing flaws, this recommendation is still unconvincing. Although the domestic cheeses are prevailing, perhaps it is imported cheeses that contribute more to the ultimate profits of the stores. For instance, the domestic cheeses hardly cover their costs, while the imported cheeses’ prices are much higher than their costs. In that case, if all stores follow the recommendation of the president, we have good reasons to query whether they can make more profits than, or equal profits as, before.

To sum up, the recommendation is dubious in several respects and unconvincing. In order to make the recommendation more persuasive, the president should do more survey at first, and then the suggestions would be more helpful.

zsa1983UID: 2299564

According to the evidence about a new store and a recent survey, the president asserts that the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking imported cheeses and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. However, further examination reveals this assertion is problematic in several respects and renders it unconvincing.

To begin with, the mere fact that the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses does not stand for nationwide trend of the other stores. It is entirely possible that this new store is opened where cheddar cheeses are more popular than other domestic and imported cheeses, which has to do with the dietetic habit of the residents. //Besides, perhaps it is the promotion strategy adopted by the new store, which is common in new stores and used to attract customs with certain kinds of goods in lower prices, that helps these kinds cheeses sell well. Obviously, this strategy cannot last long, and when it ends, and the prices go back to the normal level, maybe then customs would not lend their preference to these cheeses. //Regardless of the aforementioned alternatives, the president cannot gain any support from this fact.

Secondly, the survey itself is problematic in several points. First, the president should provide this information that how many people would buy Cheese of the World actual. If there were only a small amount of people who like to buy this magazine, the result of the survey would not be representative at all. Second, I wonder whether the most proportion of the people who buy the magazine are those who have relationship with the domestic cheeses factories. In that case, it is completely possible that in order to help their factories make great profits these people lie in this survey. Third, as to the increasing preference, it is totally possible that before the preference rate of domestic cheeses is 10 percent and now 20 percent, which is indeed increasing, however, the most part of the preference is still imported cheeses. In this respect, it is presumptuous for the president to assert that we should discontinue stocking imported cheeses, of which the consequence would be the stores would lose most of their customs and even go bankrupt. Then the survey lends no evidence to the president’s recommendation.

Last but not least, even if the president can modify the foregoing flaws, this recommendation is still unconvincing. Although the domestic cheeses are prevailing, perhaps it is imported cheeses that contribute more to the ultimate profits of the stores. For instance, the domestic cheeses hardly cover their costs, while the imported cheeses' prices are much higher than their costs. In that case, if all stores follow the recommendation of the president, we have good reasons to query whether they can make more profits than, or equal profits as, before.

To sum up, the recommendation is dubious in several respects and unconvincing. In order to make the recommendation more persuasive, the president should do more survey at first, and then the suggestions would be more helpful.

Paragraph 3 建议换其他连接词。Secondly `````first second third 有点重复.
分析题目所用的假设都很具体,学习了
再接再厉



[ 本帖最后由 zsa1983 于 2007-3-31 23:15 编辑 ]

eddie23508okUID: 2281260

According to the evidence about a new store(是new stores) and a recent survey, the president asserts that the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking imported cheeses and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. However, further examination reveals （加个that读起来更顺口）this assertion is problematic in several respects and renders it unconvincing.

To begin with, the mere fact that （用得不错）the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store（stores） were all domestic cheddar cheeses does not stand for a nationwide trend of the other（the other 用于两个之中，这里个人觉得应该用other） stores. It is entirely possible that this new store is opened where cheddar cheeses are more popular than other domestic and imported cheeses, which has to do with the dietetic habit of the residents. Besides, perhaps it is the promotion strategy adopted by the new store, which is common in new stores and used to attract customs （customers）with certain kinds of goods in lower prices, that helps these kinds cheeses sell well. Obviously, this strategy cannot last long, and when it ends, and the prices go back to the normal level, maybe then customs(customers) would not lend(这个动词用得很生动) their preference to these cheeses. Regardless of the aforementioned alternatives, the president cannot gain any support from this fact.

Secondly, the survey itself is problematic in several points. First（Firstly）, the president should provide this information that how many people would buy Cheese of the World actual(actually). If there is only a small amount of people who like to buy this magazine, the result of the survey would not be representative at all. Second(Secondly), I wonder whether the most proportion of the people who buy the magazine are those who have relationship with the domestic cheeses factories. In that case, it is completely possible that in order to help their factories make great profits these people lie in this survey. Third(Thirdly), as to the increasing preference, it is totally possible that before the preference rate of domestic cheeses is 10 percent and now 20 percent, which is indeed increasing, however, the most part of the preference is still imported cheeses. In this respect, it is presumptuous for the president to assert that we should discontinue stocking imported cheeses, of which the consequence would be (个人觉得加个that更好)the stores would lose most of their customs and even go bankrupt. Then the survey lends no evidence to the president’s recommendation.

Last but not least, even if the president can modify the foregoing flaws, this recommendation is still unconvincing.（用得很好） Although the domestic cheeses are prevailing, perhaps it is imported cheeses that contribute more to the ultimate profits of the stores. For instance, the domestic cheeses hardly cover their costs, while the imported cheeses’ prices are much higher than their costs. In that case, if all stores follow the recommendation of the president, we have good reasons to query whether they can make more profits than, or equal profits as, before.

To sum up, the recommendation is dubious in several respects and unconvincing. In order to make the recommendation more persuasive, the president should do more survey at first, and then the suggestions would be more helpful.

错误分析得很全面，只是语言方面要加油！嗬嗬，共同努力！！

PrudenceUID: 2286952

我读题干，怎么感觉他就是说一个新店啊？

xiao8686UID: 2266881

According to the evidence about a new store and a recent survey, the president asserts that the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking imported cheeses and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. However, further examination reveals this assertion is problematic in several respects and renders it unconvincing.

To begin with, the mere fact that the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses does not stand fora nationwide trend of the other stores. It is entirely possible that this new store is opened where cheddar cheeses are more popular than other domestic and imported cheeses, which has to do with the dietetic habit of the residents. Besides, perhaps it is the promotion strategy adopted by the new store, which is common in new stores and used to attract customs with certain kinds of goods in lower prices, that helps these kinds cheeses sell well. Obviously, this strategy cannot last long, and when it ends, and the prices go back to the normal level, maybe then customs would not lend their preference to these cheeses. Regardless of the aforementioned alternatives, the president cannot gain any support from this fact.

Secondly, the survey itself is problematic in several points. First, the president should provide this information that how many people would buy Cheese of the World actual. If there is only a small amount of people who like to buy this magazine, the result of the survey would not be representative at all. Second, I wonder whether the most proportion of the people who buy the magazine are those who have relationship with the domestic cheeses factories. In that case, it is completely possible that in order to help their factories make great profits these people lie in this survey. Third, as to the increasing preference, it is totally possible that before the preference rate of domestic cheeses is 10 percent and now 20 percent, which is indeed increasing, however, the most part of the preference is still imported cheeses. In this respect, it is presumptuous for the president to assert that we should discontinue stocking imported cheeses, of which the consequence would be the stores would lose most of their customs and even go bankrupt. Then the survey lends no evidence to the president’s recommendation.

Last but not least, even if the president can modify the foregoing flaws, this recommendation is still unconvincing. Although the domestic cheeses are prevailing, perhaps it is imported cheeses that contribute more to the ultimate profits of the stores. For instance, the domestic cheeses hardly cover their costs, while the imported cheeses’ prices are much higher than their costs. In that case, if all stores follow the recommendation of the president, we have good reasons to query whether they can make more profits than, or equal profits as, before.

To sum up, the recommendation is dubious in several respects and unconvincing. In order to make the recommendation more persuasive, the president should do more survey at first, and then the suggestions would be more helpful.

前两点都分析的很充分！，第三点还可以加上一条：现在prevailing不代表以后就会prevailing，如果the store cut the imported cheese inventory, the possible rebourgeoning of imported cheese may cause great impairs to it profits.
我的argument，多批多批

题目：ARGUMENT174 - The following recommendation was made by the president and administrative staff of Grove College, a private institution, to the college's governing committee.

"We recommend that Grove College preserve its century-old tradition of all-female education rather than admit men into its programs. It is true that a majority of faculty members voted in favor of coeducation, arguing that it would encourage more students to apply to Grove. But eighty percent of the students responding to a survey conducted by the student government wanted the school to remain all female, and over half of the alumni who answered a separate survey also opposed coeducation. Keeping the college all-female, therefore, will improve morale among students and convince alumni to keep supporting the college financially."
字数：506          用时：0:30:00          日期：2007-4-1

In this argument, the arguer suggests that Grove College should preserve the all-female education- the tradition has lasted for centuries, rather than embracing the men into its programs. Such policy will improve the morale among students and maintain the financial supports from the alumni. To support the recommendation, the arguer cites the following facts: (1) Though a majority of faculty members prefer coeducation, claiming it would encourage more students to apply to Grove, a survey conducted by student government showed eighty percent of the respondents are in favor of the all female education. (2)Half of the alumni who answered a separate survey oppose coeducation as well. The argument is well presented. However, after close scrutiny, it suffers several critical flaws.

To begin with, the survey conducted by the student government is depicted unclearly, thus lends little credence to the result it indicated. It could be highly possible that the respondents of the survey are just a small portion of the students who belong to certain groups. Therefore, their ideas toward coeducation are not representative. What's more, the programs should not only adopt the opinions of the students but also that of the faculty members who suggest that coeducation is beneficial.

Secondly, the separate survey aimed to alumni also provides little supports to the recommendations. On the one hand, whether the respondents of the survey can represent all the alumni needs to be questioned. On the other hand, there are still another half of the alumni who did not oppose coeducation. Moreover, those alumni who oppose the coeducation received the all-female education.  As to them, it is easy to be blind to the advantages of coeducation and assume the advantages of all-female programs may be heavily impaired by coeducation.

Finally, there is no evidence to indicate that after admitting men into its program, the morale among students will decrease and the financial supports from alumni will decline. There is a great chance the coeducation will create a more energetic environment in the school since the interaction between boys and girls colorize the campus life. It is in all likelihood, the coeducation is carried out, and the benefits it brings along will convince alumni to keep supporting or attract more alumni to support the college financially. Furthermore, Education is an issue that is more than attracting financial supports or catering to the wishes of students. It is an issue concerning about imparting knowledge and raising the students to contribute to the society. Therefore, the college's governing committee should take into account of other benefits of coeducation as well. For example, admitting to men into its program enables the campus more similar to a real society, which consist both female and male members.

In conclusion, the argument is groundless as it stands. To make it more convincing more information and supports should be offered to suggest that the majority of the students in school oppose coeducation and the disadvantages of it far outweigh its benefits. Meanwhile, the alumni won’t continue support the college financially after the coeducation is carried out.

deng__2007UID: 2297498

---正文---
According to the evidence about a new store and a recent survey, the president asserts that the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking imported cheeses and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. However, further examination reveals this assertion is problematic in several respects and renders it unconvincing.

To begin with, the mere fact that the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses does not stand fora nationwide trend of the other stores. It is entirely possible that this new store is opened where cheddar cheeses are more popular than other domestic and imported cheeses, which has to do with the dietetic habit of the residents. Besides, perhaps it is the promotion strategy adopted by the new store, which is common in new stores and used to attract customs with certain kinds of goods in lower prices, that helps these kinds cheeses sell well. Obviously, this strategy cannot last long, and when it ends, and the prices go back to the normal level, maybe then customs would not lend their preference to these cheeses. 这句怎么觉得不是很通 Regardless of the aforementioned alternatives, the president cannot gain any support from this fact.

Secondly, the survey itself is problematic in several points. First, the president should provide this information that how many people would buy Cheese of the World actual. If there is only a small amount of people who like to buy this magazine, the result of the survey would not be representative at all. Second, I wonder whether the most proportion of the people who buy the magazine are those who have relationship with the domestic cheeses factories. In that case, it is completely possible that in order to help their factories make great profits these people lie in this survey. Third, as to the increasing preference, it is totally possible that before the preference rate of domestic cheeses is 10 percent and now 20 percent, which is indeed increasing, however, the most part of the preference is still imported cheeses. In this respect, it is presumptuous for the president to assert that we should discontinue stocking imported cheeses, of which the consequence would be the stores would lose most of their customs and even go bankrupt. Then the survey lends no evidence to the president’s recommendation.

Last but not least, even if the president can modify the foregoing flaws, this recommendation is still unconvincing. Although the domestic cheeses are prevailing, perhaps it is imported cheeses that contribute more to the ultimate profits of the stores. For instance, the domestic cheeses hardly cover their costs, while the imported cheeses’ prices are much higher than their costs. In that case, if all stores follow the recommendation of the president, we have good reasons to query whether they can make more profits than, or equal profits as, before.

To sum up, the recommendation is dubious in several respects and unconvincing. In order to make the recommendation more persuasive, the president should do more survey at first, and then the suggestions would be more helpful. 全文论证的不错,结尾显得简单了简单了一点。
找不出什么毛病
http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/thread-639618-1-1.html  我这篇和你的一样的题目

PrudenceUID: 2286952

以后加链接进来就行

xiao8686UID: 2266881

哦...不过我那一篇没有发..所以没连接的...

PrudenceUID: 2286952

ARGUMENT174

In this argument, the arguer suggests that Grove College should preserve the all-female education- the tradition has lasted for centuries, rather than embracing the men into its programs. Such policy will improve the morale among students and maintain the financial supports from the alumni. To support the recommendation, the arguer cites the following facts: (1) Though a majority of faculty members prefer coeducation, claiming it would encourage more students to apply to Grove, a survey conducted by student government showed eighty percent of the respondents are in favor of the all female education. (2)Half of the alumni who answered a separate survey oppose coeducation as well. The argument is well presented. However, after close scrutiny, it suffers several critical flaws.
开头太长，提个中肯的意见，不如把时间节约在中间部分

To begin with, the survey conducted by the student government is depicted unclearly, thus lends little credence to the result as it indicated. It could be highly possible that the respondents of the survey are just a small portion of the students who belong to certain groups(What kind of groups? Does it have something to do with this issue?). Therefore, their ideas toward coeducation are not representative. What's more, the programs should not only adopt the opinions of the students but also that of the faculty members who suggest that coeducation is beneficial.(这里不需要写老师吧？)

Secondly, the separate survey aimed to alumni also provides little supports to the recommendations. On the one hand, （query）whether the respondents of the survey can represent all the alumni needs to be questioned(去掉). On the other hand, there are still another half（题目中反对的占一半以上） of the alumni who did not oppose coeducation. Moreover, those alumni who oppose the coeducation received the all-female education.  As to them, it is easy to be blind to the advantages of coeducation and assume the advantages of all-female programs may be heavily impaired by coeducation.（感觉批偏了，校友应该都接受的女校教育吧？）

Finally, there is no evidence to indicate （substantiate）that after admitting men into its program, the morale among students will decrease and the financial supports from alumni will decline. There is a great chance (that) the coeducation will create a more energetic environment in the school since the interaction between boys and girls colorize the campus life. It is in all likelihood(第一次看到保留意见),（when） the coeducation is carried out, and(去掉) the benefits it brings along will convince alumni to keep supporting or attract more alumni to support the college financially. Furthermore, Education is an issue that is more than attracting financial supports or catering to the wishes of students. It is an issue concerning about imparting knowledge and raising the students to contribute to the society（education is not an issue that is no more than attracting financial supports or catering to the wishes of students, but one concerning about imparting knowledge and raising the students to contribute to the society）. Therefore, the college's governing committee should take into account of(去掉) other benefits of coeducation as well. For example, admitting to (去掉) men into its program enables the campus more similar to a real society, which consists both female and male members.

In conclusion, the argument is groundless as it stands. To make it more convincing, more information and supports should be offered to suggest that the majority of the students in school oppose coeducation, and the disadvantages of it far outweigh its benefits. Meanwhile, the alumni won’t continue support the college financially after the coeducation is carried out.没看懂

[ 本帖最后由 Prudence 于 2007-4-1 20:33 编辑 ]

xiao8686UID: 2266881

谢楼上..这篇是我在实验如果遇到完全没看到的题目，写成什么样，如果巨烂，已在太傻上被狠批过了。
我已经决定抛弃八婆开头式了。
回你的问题
1，我觉老师还是要的，学校不是学生的，老师的意见也满重要的。
2，哎...时间短没看清题..是over half， 我觉得可以写成， still some alumni are in favor of coeducation, thus this plan is not without merits.
3,你说的第一次看到保留意见是什么意思阿？
4，最后一句,应该是Meanwhile, more supports should be provide to vindicate that the alumni.....

http://bbs.taisha.org/thread-803011-1-1.html
我抛弃八婆开头法的第一篇。

xiaolinlhxUID: 2302833

不知道像楼主这样的文章大概能拿多少分？？

xiaolinlhxUID: 2302833

还有，楼主第一段有一两句是重复题目的会不会影响分数啊？

PrudenceUID: 2286952

没有看过题目写成这样
厉害

PrudenceUID: 2286952

不知道

PrudenceUID: 2286952

A应该还好吧