argument240 找点自信！

PrudenceUID: 2286952

240. The following appeared in a memo written by a dean at Buckingham College.

"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a new dormitory. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, should double over the next fifty years, thus making existing dormitories inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, an attractive new dormitory would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."

The argument contains several assumptions that are unreasonable which render this argument is unconvincing. I will discuss these flaws in turn.

To begin with, the author assumes that the increasing enrollment will make existing dormitories inadequate. However, the author fails to provide specific evidence about the number of students in this college now and the number of students that can be held by the existing dormitories now. Without these evidence, it is entirely possible that the former number is far less than the latter one and in several years yet to come the dormitories can hold all students with the increasing trend. In that case, it is unnecessary to build a new dormitory now. Furthermore, whether or not the increasing trend is able to continue for 50 is unforeseen. If the college builds a new dormitory, however, two or three years later, the trend changes into decreasing and the new building is keeping empty as the old dormitories can hold all students. Then, it is waste money for the college to build this dormitory. Thus, a new dormitory is not need, at least when the old dormitories can hold all students.

Second, it is presumptuous for the author to assert that students would be difficult to afford the off-campus housing. Although the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years, the charge of living in college’s dormitory is increasing at the same time because of inflation. Maybe the degree of the increasing dormitory charge is higher than that of off-college apartment. In this respect, more students may concern to move out of college. And then, a new dormitory is entirely unnecessary.

Last but not least, the author asserts that an attractive new dormitory would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham. However, the author neglects the main reasons for students to choose a college. To little extent, a beautiful dormitory is attractive to students. Whereas, the most important factors for students to choose a college would be whether it has the major they want to learn, and how the college and major is compared to other colleges and their same major, and how the environment of this college is, whether it can provide a circumstance for communicating with professors, and so forth. Thus, just an attractive dormitory alone cannot be attractive enough for students to choose it.

In conclusion, the author somewhat concerns too much about the trouble unforeseen about the adequate dormitories. Additionally, the author fails to take into account other possibilities, therefore makes an unconvincing conclusion.

speaklessUID: 2205899

"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a new dormitory. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, should double over the next fifty years, thus making existing dormitories inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, an attractive new dormitory would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."

The argument contains several assumptions that are unreasonable which render this argument is unconvincing. I will discuss these flaws in turn.
第一段没啥大毛病，LZ考试的时候稍微准备一下比较好

To begin with, the author assumes that the increasing enrollment will make existing dormitories inadequate. However, the author fails to provide specific evidence about the number of students in this college now and the number of students that can be held by the existing dormitories now.（呵呵其实文章中已经暗示了现在是够的，只是如果未来发展下去可能不够，所以最好的说法就是指出现在是够的，而且无法保证未来也会这么发展下去。。。。不过，老外应该没时间看，这样写问题不太大） Without these evidence, it is entirely possible that the former number is far less than the latter one and in several years yet to come the dormitories can hold all students with the increasing trend. In that case, it is unnecessary to build a new dormitory now. Furthermore, whether or not the increasing trend is able to continue for 50 is unforeseen. If the college builds a new dormitory, however, two or three years later, the trend changes into decreasing and the new building is keeping empty as the old dormitories can hold all students. Then, it is waste money for the college to build this dormitory. Thus, a new dormitory is not need, at least when the old dormitories can hold all students.
展开挺好的，论述的时候最好加多一点假设，比如说入学人多不代表住的人多，有住家的有住外面的，甚至可能还是通过网络入学的。。。。中间两个攻击点间可以试着使用EVEN IF使转换更加流畅

Second, it is presumptuous（这个词很贬啊，记得是我第一次看到的时候是新4里的，而且作者是在说自己的时候才用到的） for the author to assert that students would be difficult to afford the off-campus（本来想夸奖你用小词用的好，结果一看是文章中的，其实有些也可以自己写出来的） housing.（确实说明有其他很多原因，后面都应该使用假设或者可能的语气说） Although the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years, the charge of living in college’s dormitory is increasing at the same time because of inflation. Maybe the degree of the increasing dormitory charge is higher than that of off-college apartment. In this respect, more students may concern to move out of college. And then, a new dormitory is entirely unnecessary.
小攻击点直接的层次还不是怎么清晰

Last but not least, the author asserts that an attractive new dormitory would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham. However, the author neglects the main reasons（最好说other main reasons或者说the main reasons to large extent,语言要尽量做到不要被人抓住把柄） for students to choose a college. To little extent,（MS没看到这个词组这么用的，不敢评价） a beautiful dormitory is attractive to students. Whereas, the most important factors for students to choose a college would be whether it has the major they want to learn, and（去掉，后面已经有个and了） how the college and major is compared to other colleges and their same major, and（同去） how the environment of this college is, whether it can provide a circumstance for communicating with professors, and so forth. Thus, just an attractive dormitory alone cannot be attractive enough for students to choose it.
语言方面还需要改进，一堆那样的问句总读起来不是很舒服

In conclusion, the author somewhat concerns too much about the trouble unforeseen about the adequate dormitories. Additionally, the author fails to take into account other possibilities, therefore makes an unconvincing conclusion.

我水平有限，可能有些地方说的不好，大家如果有什么异议，请尽管拍砖
:) 欢迎回拍http://bbs.gter.ce.cn/bbs/thread-644331-1-1.html

[ 本帖最后由 speakless 于 2007-4-8 23:54 编辑 ]

zsa1983UID: 2299564

The argument contains several assumptions that are unreasonable（assumptions unreasonable?好像是应该说base on many assumption,而不是假设不合理。是假设本来就是默认它合理了） which render this argument is unconvincing. I will discuss these flaws in turn. To begin with, the author assumes（作者不是assume而是ensure） that the increasing enrollment will make existing dormitories inadequate. However, the author fails to provide specific evidence about the number of students in this college now and the number of students that can be held by the existing dormitories now. Without these evidence, it is entirely possible that the former number is far less than the latter one and in several years yet to come the dormitories can hold all students with the increasing trend. /在未来几年里宿舍够用跟未雨绸缪好像不矛盾。就像今天不下雨但明天下雨，为什么我今天就不能买伞？所以这个小结论in that case…不是很好/In that case, it is unnecessary to build a new dormitory now.Furthermore, whether or not the increasing trend is able to continue for 50 is unforeseen. If the college builds a new dormitory, however, two or three years later, the trend changes into decreasing and the new building is keeping empty as the old dormitories can hold all students. /感觉新楼空闲跟建楼浪费之间有点距离，这里有个怎么定义waste 的问题/Then, it is wasting money for the college to build this dormitory. Thus, a new dormitory is not need, at least when the old dormitories can hold all students. Second, it is presumptuous for the author to assert that students would be difficult to afford the off-campus housing. Although the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years,（这句话是说你也相信这样的前提，如果rent increasing 影响 afford housing） the charge of living in college’s dormitory is increasing at the same time because of inflation. Maybe the degree of the increasing dormitory charge is higher than that of off-college apartment. In this respect, more students may concern to move out of college. And then, a new dormitory is entirely unnecessary.

这一段你不是在驳论difficult to afford the off-campus housing，你是在说跟学校里面相比，校外的房子可能困难程度小点。Last but not least, the author asserts that an attractive new dormitory would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham.作者观点 However, the author neglects the main reasons for students to choose a college.观点不足，忽视了主要原因。 To little extent, a beautiful dormitory is attractive to students.很少会有学生因为宿舍beautiful选择学校。Whereas, the most important factors for students to choose a college would be whether it has the major they want to learn, and how the college and major is compared to other colleges and their same major, and how the environment of this college is, whether it can provide a circumstance for communicating with professors, and so forth. 罗列学生考虑的主要因素Thus, just an attractive dormitory alone cannot be attractive enough for students to choose it.看了你展开的论述，感觉你在写issue,呵呵argument好像不该这么写。

In conclusion, the author somewhat concerns too much about the trouble unforeseen about the adequate dormitories. Additionally, the author fails to take into account other possibilities, therefore makes an unconvincing conclusion.

zsa1983UID: 2299564

The argument contains several assumptions that are unreasonable（assumptions unreasonable?好像是应该说base on many assumption,而不是假设不合理。是假设本来就是默认它合理了） which render this argument is unconvincing. I will discuss these flaws in turn. To begin with, the author assumes（作者不是assume而是ensure） that the increasing enrollment will make existing dormitories inadequate. However, the author fails to provide specific evidence about the number of students in this college now and the number of students that can be held by the existing dormitories now. Without these evidence, it is entirely possible that the former number is far less than the latter one and in several years yet to come the dormitories can hold all students with the increasing trend. /在未来几年里宿舍够用跟未雨绸缪好像不矛盾。就像今天不下雨但明天下雨，为什么我今天就不能买伞？所以这个小结论in that case…不是很好/In that case, it is unnecessary to build a new dormitory now.Furthermore, whether or not the increasing trend is able to continue for 50 is unforeseen. If the college builds a new dormitory, however, two or three years later, the trend changes into decreasing and the new building is keeping empty as the old dormitories can hold all students. /感觉新楼空闲跟建楼浪费之间有点距离，这里有个怎么定义waste 的问题/Then, it is wasting money for the college to build this dormitory. Thus, a new dormitory is not need, at least when the old dormitories can hold all students. Second, it is presumptuous for the author to assert that students would be difficult to afford the off-campus housing. Although the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years,（这句话是说你也相信这样的前提，如果rent increasing 影响 afford housing） the charge of living in college’s dormitory is increasing at the same time because of inflation. Maybe the degree of the increasing dormitory charge is higher than that of off-college apartment. In this respect, more students may concern to move out of college. And then, a new dormitory is entirely unnecessary.

这一段你不是在驳论difficult to afford the off-campus housing，你是在说跟学校里面相比，校外的房子可能困难程度小点。Last but not least, the author asserts that an attractive new dormitory would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham.作者观点 However, the author neglects the main reasons for students to choose a college.观点不足，忽视了主要原因。 To little extent, a beautiful dormitory is attractive to students.很少会有学生因为宿舍beautiful选择学校。Whereas, the most important factors for students to choose a college would be whether it has the major they want to learn, and how the college and major is compared to other colleges and their same major, and how the environment of this college is, whether it can provide a circumstance for communicating with professors, and so forth. 罗列学生考虑的主要因素Thus, just an attractive dormitory alone cannot be attractive enough for students to choose it.看了你展开的论述，感觉你在写issue,呵呵argument好像不该这么写。

In conclusion, the author somewhat concerns too much about the trouble unforeseen about the adequate dormitories. Additionally, the author fails to take into account other possibilities, therefore makes an unconvincing conclusion.

PrudenceUID: 2286952

The argument contains several problems that are unreasonable which render this argument is unconvincing. I will discuss these flaws in turn.

To begin with, the author assumes that the increasing enrollment will make existing dormitories inadequate. However, the author fails to provide specific evidence about the number of students in this college now and the number of students that can be held by the existing dormitories now. Without these evidence, it is entirely possible that the former number is far less than the latter one and in several years （maybe 10 or 20 years） yet to come the dormitories can hold all students with the increasing trend. In that case, it is unnecessary to build a new dormitory now. Furthermore, whether or not the increasing trend is able to continue for 50 years is unforeseen. If the college builds a new dormitory, however, two or three years later, the trend changes into decreasing and the new building is keeping empty as the old dormitories can hold all students. Then, it is waste money for the college to build this dormitory. Even if this trend will go on, maybe the students in future will be more likely to live outside of college. Or perhaps the most part of the increasing students are those who take classes on internet other than in college. Thus, without ruling out foregoing possibilities, the author’s assertion that a new dormitory is need is dubious, at least when the old dormitories can hold all students.

Second, it is presumptuous for the author to assert that students would be difficult to afford the off-campus housing. Although the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years, maybe the charge of living in college’s dormitory is increasing at the same time because of inflation. And it is entirely possible that the latter’s increasing degree would be much higher than that of the former. If so, more students would concern to move out of college rather than move in. And then, a new dormitory is entirely unnecessary.

Last but not least, the author asserts that an attractive new dormitory would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham. However, the author neglects the main reasons for students to choose a college. Hardly can a beautiful dormitory be a main reason to attract new students. Whereas, those, whether it has the major they want to learn, and how the college and major is compared to other colleges and their same major, and how the environment of this college is, whether it can provide a circumstance for communicating with professors, and the like, would be much more important and attractive than a beautiful dormitory. Thus, just an attractive dormitory alone cannot be attractive enough for students to choose it.

In conclusion, the author somewhat concerns too much about the trouble unforeseen about the adequate dormitories. Additionally, the author fails to take into account other possibilities, therefore makes an unconvincing conclusion.