issue160 有一个例子不合适，需要意见！

PrudenceUID：2286952

TOPIC: ISSUE160 - "The most essential quality of an effective leader is the ability to remain consistently committed to particular principles and objectives. Any leader who is quickly and easily influenced by shifts in popular opinion will accomplish little."
WORDS: 602          TIME: 0:55:00          DATE: 2007-4-10

Making decisions is the most common affair as leaders. However, sometimes their decisions may be unwelcome, and even suffer from assault. In that case, what should the leasers do would reflect how the leaders are-whether they are qualified or not.  In my opinion, an excellent leader should be one who consistently committed to particular principles and objectives, however, sometimes especially when he/she commits mistakes, he/she should quickly and easily change the decision according to popular view.

To begin with, consistently committing to particular objectives and principles is one excellent quality as a leader. First, he/she has the ability to be as a leader, such as the intelligence and spirit of hard working, and so forth. Thus, people who elect him/her have showed their trust to him/her that he/she has capacity to lead them and make decisions. Meanwhile, a leader more often is compared to the captain of a ship. His/her decision about direction will determine where the ship is going, which asks him/her to have firm stand. Take the purchase of Alaska for example. At that time, when Seward decided to buy Alaska at the price of 7$, American people all thought he was crazy, and condemned him to waste their tax money. Also, at one time, this deal was called "Seward 's folly" while Alaska was called " Seward 's icebox". However, history has indicated that Andreas has made a good and wonderful decision-as gold measure and petroleum are found abundant in Alaska. If Andrea, at that time, gave up his decision due to the critique of populous, when these treasures were found by E, he would get another critique that he did not consistently committing to his particular objectives and principles. Accordingly, an effective leader should commit to particular principles and objectives consistently, which is a most essential quality as a leader.

In the second place stands another example, which is representative to show committing consistently to particular principles and objectives is a most essential quality of an effective leader. Most Chinese people nowadays should still remember Zhu Rongji-Chinese former premier, who is ever considered somewhat the most strictest leader in China. When he was in charge, the system of Chinese economy began to work less effectively-because of the tremendous constitutions of this system and its companies. In that case, he carried out the lay off policy, which brought him more condemnation than praise. As the debut of this policy, many workers lost their jobs, and thus many of them went to Tiananmen to seat there to show their dissatisfaction. However, premier Zhu wasn't scared by these people's action and held on his policy firmly. Now many years later, the development of Chinese economy and living standards of Chinese people have substantiated that premier Zhu did a rather good job. Thus, remaining consistently committed to particular principles and objectives cannot be denied the most essential quality of an effective leader.

However, when it comes to some clearly and obviously mistakes, leaders should change their decision. This contention reminds the situation faced by Chinese leaders when SARS was rampant in some regions of China, especially Guangzhou and Pecking. At the very beginning, some leaders wanted to cheat Chinese people and other countries that no SARS was in China. However, as more and more people knew the truth and showed their dissatisfaction, some Chinese leaders had to give way to people's critique, and finally were punished by Chinese government. In this respect, we should not overlook the influence of and important role acted by popular opinions.  

In conclusion, whether or not remaining consistently committed to particular principles and objectives needs leaders to strike a balance-no matter how, should be beneficial for the ship in the correct direction.

zsa1983UID：2299564

Making decisions is the most common affair as leaders. However, sometimes their decisions may be unwelcome, and even suffer from assault. In that case, what (should) the leaders should do would reflect how the leaders are-whether they are qualified or not.  In my opinion, an excellent leader should be one who consistently committed to particular principles and objectives, {however, sometimes especially when he/she commits mistakes, he/she should quickly and easily change the decision according to popular view.}这个观点不合适，应该是when the popular view is right or better than the decision of himself / herself, he should quickly and easily change the decision.To begin with, consistently committing to particular objectives and principles is one excellent quality as a leader. First, he/she has the ability to be as a leader, such as the intelligence and spirit of hard working, and so forth. Thus, people who elect him/her have showed their trust to him/her that he/she has capacity to lead them and make decisions. Meanwhile, a leader more often is compared to the captain of a ship. His/her decision about direction will determine where the ship is going, which asks him/her to have firm stand. Take the purchase of Alaska for example. At that time, when Seward decided to buy Alaska at the price of 7$, American people all thought he was crazy, and condemned him to waste their tax money. Also, at one time, this deal was called "Seward 's folly" while Alaska was called " Seward 's icebox". However, history has indicated that Andreas has made a good and wonderful decision-as gold measure especially when petroleum are found abundant in Alaska. If Andrea, at that time, gave up his decision due to the critique of populous, when these treasures were found by E, he would get another critique that he did not consistently committing to his particular objectives and principles. Accordingly, an effective leader should commit to particular principles and objectives consistently, which is a most essential quality as a leader.In the second place stands another example, which is representative to show committing consistently to particular principles and objectives is a most essential quality of an effective leader. Most Chinese people nowadays should still remember Zhu Rongji-Chinese former premier, who is ever considered somewhat the strictest leader in China. When he was in charge, the system of Chinese economy began to work less effectively-because of the swollen government bureaucracies and its owned companies. (the tremendous constitutions of this system and its companies. )In that case, he carried out the lay off policy, which brought him more condemnation than praise. As the debut of this policy, many workers lost their jobs, and thus many of them went to Tiananmen (to) and seated there to show their dissatisfaction. However, premier Zhu wasn't scared by these people's action and held on his policy firmly. Now many years later, the development of Chinese economy and living standards of Chinese people have substantiated that premier Zhu did a rather good job. Thus, remaining consistently committed to particular principles and objectives cannot be denied the most essential quality of an effective leader.However, when it comes to some clearly and obviously mistakes, leaders should change their decision. This contention reminds the situation faced by Chinese leaders when SARS was rampant in some regions of China, especially Guangzhou and Pecking. At the very beginning, some leaders (wanted to cheat)// wrongly recognized that it is just a kind of flu and announce Chinese people and other countries that no SARS was in China. Even many doctors answer back his fault action; still such leaders did not change their decision. Finally, when as more and more people knew the truth and showed their dissatisfaction, and certain Chinese leaders had to give way to people's critique which in the end were punished by Chinese government, some bad aftermath had been done for the slower attention of the government—SARS became epidemic and many people were affected. In this respect, the leaders should investigate his decision at any moment, and when there are flaws in decision, quickly and easily changing of the decision should be given.

In conclusion, whether or not remaining consistently committed to particular principles and objectives needs leaders to strike a balance-no matter how, should be beneficial for the ship in the correct direction.

总体上这篇文章比较成功，组织的很合理
缺点就是你的however…..，例子不很合适。
我把你的例子稍微修改了下，你看看合适不？

iq28UID：2152875

Making decisions is the most common affair as leaders. (怎么觉得有点不通?~) However, sometimes their decisions may be unwelcome, and even suffer from assault. (之间点出来这些assault是从public来的吧) In that case, what should the leasers do would reflect how the leaders are (不通哇...) -whether they are qualified or not.  In my opinion, an excellent leader should be one who consistently committed to particular principles and objectives, however, (转折太生硬,前面说的太满) sometimes especially when he/she commits mistakes, he/she should quickly and easily (这个词在这里有点莫明其妙.) change the decision according to popular view. (阐述下这个topic的大环境的意图是好的.不过细节部分做得还是有不少问题.尤其是那个sometimes especially的转折感觉很生硬)

To begin with, consistently committing to particular objectives and principles is one excellent quality as a leader. First, he/she has the ability to be as a leader, such as the intelligence and spirit of hard working, and so forth. (怎么觉得是很没头没脑的一句话?和前面没什么联系) Thus, people who elect him/her have showed their trust to (on) him/her that he/she has capacity to lead them and make decisions. (铺垫太多了.赶紧进入consistently的正题啊) Meanwhile, a leader more (也没写到和什么人群比是more) often is compared to the captain of a ship. His/her decision about direction will determine where the ship is going, which asks him/her to have firm stand. (没看出上面一句话能够推导出需要firm stand) Take the purchase of Alaska for example. At that time, when Seward decided to buy Alaska at the price of 7$, American people all thought he was crazy, and condemned him to waste their tax money. Also, at one time, this deal was called "Seward 's folly" while Alaska was called " Seward 's icebox". However, history has indicated that Andreas has made a good and wonderful decision-as gold measure and petroleum are found abundant in Alaska. If Andrea, at that time, gave up his decision due to the critique of populous, when these treasures were found by E, he would get another critique that he did not consistently committing to his particular objectives and principles. (首先明显问题就是例子篇幅太大.更严重的问题是觉得这个例子和主题不是很匹配.consistently一般是和时间比较相关,更应该举那种需要很长时间指向一个目标的政策,而这个阿拉斯加的例子只是一锤子买卖.不很match) Accordingly, an effective leader should commit to particular principles and objectives consistently, which is a most essential quality as a leader. (整段感觉支离破碎.前面的论证每句话之间感觉没什么逻辑,然后例子也不是很恰当)

In the second place stands another example, which is representative to show committing consistently to particular principles and objectives is a most essential quality (首先段间结构就很奇怪,居然没有给出第二个分论点直接再来一个例子;然后前面刚说consistently这个品质是one excellent的品质,现在又说是most essential的品质.....乱) of an effective leader. Most Chinese people nowadays should still remember Zhu Rongji-Chinese former premier, who is ever considered somewhat the most strictest leader in China. When he was in charge, the system of Chinese economy began to work less effectively-because of the tremendous constitutions of this system and its companies. (改成他刚上任的时候中国经济是什么情况吧.否则看上去好像是要批评朱总) In that case, he carried out the lay off policy, which brought him more condemnation than praise. As the debut of this policy, many workers lost their jobs, and thus many of them went to Tiananmen to seat there to show their dissatisfaction. However, premier Zhu wasn't scared by these people's action and held on his policy firmly. Now many years later, the development of Chinese economy and living standards of Chinese people have substantiated that premier Zhu did a rather good job. Thus, remaining consistently committed to particular principles and objectives cannot be denied the most essential quality of an effective leader. (例子稍好,不过还是太长.更大的问题是宏观上这一段事实上完全是上一个段落的重写)

However, when it comes to some clearly and obviously mistakes, leaders should change their decision. This contention reminds the situation faced by Chinese leaders when SARS was rampant in some regions of China, especially Guangzhou and Pecking. At the very beginning, some leaders wanted to cheat Chinese people and other countries that no SARS was in China. However, as more and more people knew the truth and showed their dissatisfaction, (太温和了,至少得是anger了) some Chinese leaders had to give way to people's critique, and finally were punished by Chinese government. (不要再引出领导的领导了.需要你论证的是领导vs民众意见) In this respect, we should not overlook the influence of and important role acted by popular opinions.  

In conclusion, whether or not remaining consistently committed to particular principles and objectives needs leaders to strike a balance (不要滥用balance,你论述的明显是case-to-canse的考虑方法) -no matter how, should be beneficial for the ship in the correct direction.

缺点都指出了
4分有点危险
前两个段落问题太大
尤其是它们之间的关系不清

PrudenceUID：2286952

谢谢iq28
:loveliness:
issue 只能争4了
argument 要争5，
希望今晚能在修改铺占到座吧...