请大家帮我改作文！！

conniezqUID: 2252973

大家好！这是我近期写的作文，有什么不足之处请大家多多指教~有什么建议也请大家尽量提出~谢谢~
What are the advantages and/or disadvantages brought to your particular situation by computers?
Give reasons for your answer.
It is known that computers, one of the greatest inventions in the human being’s history, are widely used in every walks of life. It seems that most people simply witness the pros of computers. Is it really perfect without any cons? In this essay I will try to explore the present benefits and the potential downsides of this creative communication tool.

On one hand, we have to acknowledge that computers have produced a huge influence on people’s daily life, changing people’s lifestyle. It is accepted by most that we can enjoy much convenience and the rapid speed from computers, no matter what time it is and where we are, making people in all corners of the world receive the same kind of information in such a short time. The unique advantage of computers is much more preferable than other kinds of ways to connect.

Nonetheless, on the other hand, we should squarely face the demerits of computers. For instance, a rising number of the youth is easier to get the obesity than ever before, according to a recent survey. What’s more, many parents find out their children have less communication and activities with them, leading to the greater gap and misunderstandings. How many citizens have ever consider the root reason about this matter？If they ponder over it, it is easy to understand there is a close relation with the computers.

The accurate conception of value is to see things from diverse perspectives, no matter what things they are. I fully sanction, as a consequence, that when we appraise the strong points of a computer, we also make effort to eliminate or change the weakness of it so that it can contribute more to our future life.

[ 本帖最后由 conniezq 于 2007-4-29 13:52 编辑 ]

futuremanUID: 2327059

把天空推荐的文章顶上来大家讨论一下, 偶去看会书...（汗一下为什么当时没人来顶 ||:funk: ）
我觉得语言和用词是没得说，确实AW的功底
但我有个问题不明：

题目说paticular situation，是不是应该放在一个特定情景下来讨论电脑的好坏

[ 本帖最后由 futureman 于 2007-8-27 17:13 编辑 ]

forbeckUID: 2297645

貌似这个时间，我还没正式开始准备鸭子:funk: ～～～

看这个题目像是口语的;d: 讲故事～～～～