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[活动] N001_第八次作业 [复制链接]

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发表于 2007-5-13 13:04:12 |显示全部楼层

3号对5号的修改

Today, our world enters into an age names information society, the access to info(information) is much easier to obtain than ever before. 这一句和后面那句衔接得不好In so many types of media which help us get the things we want to know, the internet is one of the most important tools. We can get (前面用过一次get了)almost all information we need in(from) the internet. The(And the) information we obtained(obtains时态前后保持一致) from internet(去掉) is valuable and influencing.
        Internet helps us obtain some valuable(与上一句重复使用了这个词) information easier and quickly. Take my own experience as an example, in the process of my task research, I have to consult almost all related thesis and monograph which have been published. In the past, I have(had) to go to library or bookstore to find the information I need, and the task is(was) very tedious and time-consuming, I use plenty(spent too much) time in browsing thousands of books and theses just for some specifically information, and the work may(might) turn out to be fruitless. But with the internet, all the work I need to do is click the mouse for the information I am interested. Instead of browsing in the thousands of books aimlessly, I can restrict the query content and query the information I needed by the use of search engine, the rest of work is accomplished by the computer and the internet. I can get all the information I needed.
        Internet also helps us to share some of our feelings or thoughts with the people from all over the world. When some important event happened(events happen), we can communicate with each other by post our idea in BBS、(,英文中没有顿号)Blog or some other places, we can know other people’s opinion instantly and discuss it together. 这一段写得太少了,举点例子
        (On the other hand,) Internet also brings some rubbish and unhealthy information and brings out(leads to) many problems. Because in the internet people can release any information anywhere in anytime, some people deliver some false message just for fun or for some personal purpose. We find we often receive some advertisements from lawless merchant. Some unhealthy website are opened by some people who was blinded by gain, it attracts some children abandoned themselves in these info(information) and given up their study, in some extreme situation, it leads them go(去掉) to do some mistakes.
        Internet enable us obtain various information. Some info(information) are useful, some useless or even misleading. It changing our life style from the day it was invented. It makes our life seems more interesting, help us solve many difficulties, but it also brings us some un-wanted or bad influence. We could use the internet in the positive aspect and restrain some bad impact by some effective method, such as increase the check strengthens、cultivate correct net-surf manner、and so on(用了such最好不要用and so on了). Through our effort, the internet will give us more positive impression rather than source of problem. 建议:如果你偏向正效应,那么结尾提一下如果对负效应加以控制,可以消除消极影响,这样文章的立场更鲜明。结尾太长了,简洁一点,浓缩一下。
写得不错,流畅,能感觉到作者的努力。改过一次你的作文,觉得有进步。但是要注意句式的变换,不要一篇文章下来老是几个句式。论证要更严谨一点。虽然散文体倾向于高分,但是高手才能做到啦,我们还是老老实实写议论文保险。然后就是千万不要使用顿号了,汗~,不要使用缩写,不严谨。

Mini-test 3 writing
The giant panda’s survival problem mentioned in the listening passage is related to(明确态度,支持还是相悖,开门见山) the unique flowering and seeding cycles of Asian bamboo introduced in reading passage. According to the listening passage, the survival problem of giant panda aroused great attention. Today panda only live in wild in southwest of China. The hunter and harm to wildlife habitat make the panda’s living condition bad. And the problem of unique flowering and seeding cycles of Asian bamboo make this situation worse because the bamboo is the main source of giant panda’s food. The reading passage explained that many species of Asian bamboo tend to flower and then seed at the same time. What is more unique is that these simultaneous seeding cycles often occur at rather lengthy intervals, and the cycle for the China bamboo is less than a century, no matter where the bamboo is. So after the bamboo flowering and seeding, the bamboo died at the same time all over the world. That means the main food for the giant panda is lost. The panda have(has) to move into new area in search for food. This process of settle makes giant panda face more danger. And make the giant panda more hard(harder) to live in the wild.
貌似只写了一点,lm一般是2点哦,虽然对得不整齐。尽量多些听力的内容,少点阅读的。考试的时候点数要写全,才能保证分数。

Interesting class严重超时啦,要突出interesting的地方
Literature or film严重超时啦,缺少例子
3.6A开头用一句话题及一下阅读的核心内容,其他说的不错
3.6B影响没有讲全
LM 1 1/2的时间(22s)花在开头上了,导致只说了一点
LM 2 不错
LM 3,其他不错,就是and太多了点,呵呵
给口语的建议:
从发音等方面来说:音还算准(英式)但是好多地方读得不清晰,吞音了,建议把每个词读清楚,在这个基础上再学习重读和轻读。停顿也存在小问题,一个句子里边不要停久了。
从内容上来说:独立口语开头不能太冗长,这样会导致你只能说一个点。要有具体一点的内容,不要全部像作文提纲那样,虽然严谨但是有点空。
              综合口语要注意结构,虽然是口语,但是内容也有层次的。
你的口语提升的空间还很大,而且潜力也比较大,改善一下会有很大的提高的,期待你的进步。
我这个人比较追求完美,略显挑剔,呵呵,请勿见怪啊。但是我真心希望我的指正能帮助你发现自己的问题然后加以改正,目的仅此而已。一起努力!

[ 本帖最后由 woodman 于 2007-5-13 13:14 编辑 ]
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发表于 2007-5-13 13:05:29 |显示全部楼层

3号对9号的修改

When (it)comes to the question that (whether)internet provides a lot of valuable information or the infinite information creates problems, I agree with the first one for the internet is so important nowadays.
Internet supplies innumerous(一般形容可数n吧) information for us and we use the information in almost all areas of our daily life. It is hard to image that what our life will be without internet. 开头2段貌似可以合并到一段,看起来更舒服
First(一般不用first这么生硬的词了), internet provides a lot of study information, and we can search almost all areas of knowledge on internet.(与上一段的第一句句式一样) for(For) example, if you feel puzzled about a natural phenomena that why trees turn green in spring, you search the internet, then plenty of information is available for you. another(大写) way is that there are plenty of online courses that people can access. Also test are take on internet, such as TOEFL.例子可以再展开一下,否则就显得苍白了
Second(同上一段的first,太生硬), internet can be useful tools for people's work. People can make business through internet. Businessman can negotiate through internet and finally reach and agreement(an agreement is reached与后面的句子同一形式), the a list is made, an order is signed, everything is done, it is just so easy for them. Also People can find a job on the internet, there are so many career information for the one who is hunting for a job.
Third, people can entertain through internet. There are lots of internet games access (available)today that a(. A) large number of people play with them. also(大写) people can see a movie or listen to a music through music. After hard work, people get relaxation by internet. Additional(In addition), internet make the(makes) people's life much more convenient and easy(easier). we can chat with our friends through internet, we can contact our family via e-mail and so on.
because(大写) of all the convenience and useful information it supplies, the internet is important for people's life.
分三大领域横向写的写法还是不错的,不足之处在于论证不充分,例子没有展开,衔接得也不够紧密。建议下一次在例子上下点功夫,展开一下,会使你的文章更出色。此外,句首的大写一定要记得哦。
没找到你的口语哦。
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发表于 2007-5-13 13:12:06 |显示全部楼层

顺便说一下

刚才才发现自己漏提交了一个口语,昨天提交的时候因为网络不好,颇为暴躁,呵呵,没有注意到少交了一个,等下发到邮箱。
此外道个歉先,昨晚请假了,因为老师找我有事,今天才改好作业。
顺便抱怨一下,为什么几次都没人改我的作业,小郁闷一下,呵呵
累计8次的作业和修改情况我会发到第9次作业贴里,欢迎大家查看,有红黑榜哦。
貌似10号自动退出小组了,好多次没交作业了。

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发表于 2007-5-13 16:15:09 |显示全部楼层

5号改20号作业

As the internet more and more involves our life, some people think that the internet provides people with a lot (of) valuable information, while others think access to so much information creates problems. In my opinion, I believe that there are some advantages and disadvantages on each view.

First I want to say are the advantages of the internet.(感觉这句有点怪) Undeniable, the internet provides so many conveniences. It takes people more information than other ways. If you own a computer and link up with the internet, you will get the information you want from it. The internet will give you information a mass. And you do not have to go to library to find what you want if the information is not infrequent in the internet.(为什么要用双重否定呢?反而没有体现互联网的优势) Another advantage is that it can save our time. You can find the useful information in a short time. You do not have to go anywhere to collect the information and just(if似乎更好 if you can connect to the net) you are able on line. It can save a lot of time for the people who are always busy. Aslo(also) the internet provides more chance for people to communicate to each other on line. People can say anything they like or they oppose. It is a freedom world in the internet. So it leads the society to change.

Next I want to say the disadvantages of the internet. Most (of) the information (in the intenet) is unedited(似乎不是没有编辑而是没有审核之类的) and therefore it(指代Most (of) the information?) is less reliable. And this information will bring a lot of trouble to people. A lot of the information is harmful, such as the eroticism web page, violence web page and game web page. It is not only bad to adults and(but) also for children. Children are too young to distinguish what is good to them and what is bad to them, while they like to go the web pages just because of fun. More seriously it will take children a lot of time to play it and have not enough time to finish the homework. Times and times again their school work will be dilapidated. It will be harmful to our social. There are also many crimes in the internet. For example, when people feel comfortable going shopping on line, there are persons who thieve the code of the consumers. So sometimes it is dangers on line.

However, although the internet bring some it(不要) bad sides, it still make people`s life more modern(似乎不是很好). I suppose that the internet provides us a lot of valuable information. I think it is very important for me to save more time to do more things. Regardless of
The harm information the internet bring us, we just take careful when we are on line. I believe that our life will be more beautiful with the internet.
mini-3
The reading material said that is that bamboo in China is a rather extreme example of the unique flowering and seeding cycles of Asian bamboo. When it does flower and seed, it does so throughout the world. It flowered and seeded in widely divergent areas and the flowing and seeding of this species of bamboo was noted in many parts of the worlds.

The lecture material said that bamboo is the main source of food for the giant panda. And if there is a lot of flowering and seeding of the bamboo, the bamboo which has just seeded dies, and it will take a long time to provide new food for giant panda before young seedings grow up. This will lead panda to go other places to find food. But the process will be full of danger for giant panda. They may die in the searching for food.
没有将两部分结合起来,完全是独立放置的,似乎失去了这么做的意义,主要考察的是两部分的关联。

口语
interesting class:论据有些单薄,内容较少,论据两个:可以相互交流以及做游戏。
leifeng:不错,
longman:比较难听懂,我自己做的也很差
emotional:似乎没有和阅读结合起来,
film:不错
语音语调在综合中似乎没有在独立口语中好,可能是练习不多缘故,总体来说很好。
总体上说完成较好,很多地方有很大提升空间。
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飞跃!

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发表于 2007-5-13 21:35:29 |显示全部楼层
2号改1号,口语:
1.喜欢历史课列举2个原因,思路清晰,但是第二个原因只说了一个开头,没说完,用时48S
2.你的思路另辟蹊径,读书可以省钱,另外可以保存,来日再看。但是第二个原因刚刚开了各头。用时46s
3.没有把题目表述清楚,可能这一题难了一些。
4.只回答了第一个问题,没有回答the causes and effects of the boycotts,此外不要加入自己的观点,仅对材料进行整合。
5.介绍西湖,题目很好有待深入挖掘。你可以多一些对西湖美景的描述,另外西湖不收费可以稍微提一下。beauty不是beautify

思路清晰有条理,但是说话声音有点小,调到最大声还是吃力。另外内容较少,词汇不够丰富有待提高。:handshake

加油~

补充: 你的Lm2打不开

[ 本帖最后由 gnuliutingting 于 2007-5-13 21:38 编辑 ]
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发表于 2007-5-13 21:48:21 |显示全部楼层
2号改20号口语:
1.思路清晰,但是个别单词没听懂。territy?
2.我没有LM,无法评价。
3.这一题比较难,回答的内容不够丰富。
4.著作是works,不是worker
5.打不开

思路清晰,选材较好。存在的问题是停顿较多,词汇偏少,我也有这个问题,加油:handshake
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发表于 2007-5-18 11:17:51 |显示全部楼层

20号改5号口语

1.zhongyong的那个不错,语速比较快,内容也很充实,还举了个例子,不错
2.library基本上把男生和女生的论点给说了
3.结构应该更明确些,开头和结尾要是添上一句话就更好了。
4.没有说完超时了,和我选的差不多,都是上课老师

5思路清晰
6.3.16a没有上面说得好,需要练习,不算很熟对这个题型
7.3.16.b没有说完,建议有个自己的模板,这样说的时候心里有数,我也准备这样的哈哈

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发表于 2007-5-18 11:32:15 |显示全部楼层

20改4号

1.delta1内容不错,有些词说得不准,可能只顾想说什莫了,这也是我的问题
2.delat2 挺好的
3.DELTA.A说得有些急,不知道是写在纸上了吗?注意语速
4.DELTA.b这个说得就很好,发音很速度都很好,思路也不错
5.hometown,刚开始还不错,可是后面举了个例子,可以自由的说英语,感觉没有结尾呢
6.图书馆,男生的就一句话,他的理由没有充分说阿

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发表于 2007-5-18 11:35:21 |显示全部楼层

2号你口语在哪啊

一直就没有找到呢,邮箱里没有啊

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发表于 2007-5-19 11:51:11 |显示全部楼层
11-4的修改
No invention has received more praise and abuse than the Internet.  Some people believe that we can access abundant valuable information from the Internet. These people point out the fact that the Internet provides broad and instantly.  However, other people believe obtain too much information may create a set of problems.  As far as I am concerned, I vote for the former.

In the first place, Internet provides people with large amount of information widely and instantly.  Therefore people can make good use of the Internet when they are studying.  When it comes to study, it is no doubt that Internet can allow us to get almost (all) information we need.  No matter old classic knowledge or the latest technology research.  If we meet some questions, we can ask question directly on the Internet.  Also, an increasing people are beginning to realize that education is not complete with graduation.  Studying on the Internet brings efficient (efficiency) and convenience to further education of people.

Also, Internet has changed the way businesses operate. Emails, videoconferences permit businesses to communicate both time-saving and money-saving.  In recent decade the e-business prevails in the world at a dramatic step. E-business has not just provided us a new way to purchase various goods easy and economical, but also contributes directly to enhance new job opportunities.

On the other hand, however, we have to admit the negative aspect of the Internet.  Internet has satisfied people’s needs of freedom, yet at the same time, much harmful information is scattered on the Internet.  It is an inevitable result and there is no way to avoid it completely.  Some of this negative information has great influenced on youngest’s (youngster’s) behavior.

Although many people claim that the Internet has so many disadvantages, we can safely draw the conclusion that advantages of the Internet far outweigh its disadvantages, and it will still play essential roles in modern society.

整体感觉不错,结构语言都比较出色,一些细微的错误已经改正!
正在学习文章,很多词句感觉从得不错:loveliness:

[ 本帖最后由 rzbrzb 于 2007-5-19 11:53 编辑 ]

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发表于 2007-5-19 12:46:56 |显示全部楼层
11改3号
In this information-exploding era, internet plays an important role in our daily life. Everyday, we read news, hold business meetings, chat without friend, or even take courses on web. It affects almost every aspect of people’s life. However, some people complain about problems it brings, such as porn website sand (send) internet safety. In my opinion, its advantages overwhelm (没太见过这种用法,不知对错,仅提一下) its disadvantages.
Internet offers information and data from all over the world. Millions of people worldwide are using the internet to share information. As a result, internet pools huge mounts (amounts) of information. Also much information is available, and information can appear to be fairly free, it is almost unlimited. Sitting at your computer in New York, you can know events throughout the world. You can watch a basketball match held in Chicago, appreciate the beautiful scene of Aegean Sea in Greece, pay close attention to the serious drought in Africa, watch the negotiation on electrical goods between America and the European Union, read the news that Gorgy Bush visits France, or get familiar with the newest development in your field.
With plenty of information throughout the world, internet also allows people to search information efficiently. As the techniques of information retrieval matured, a variety of information retrieval systems have been developed to help search on the web. General information can be easily found on any subject with the simple click of the mouse. Many people use the Internet in genealogy research, or track down family or friends on a people search. The Internet can also take the place of a phone book with phone number search engines and yellow page directories. What’s more, it can also be a great advantage when one is planning to travel; maps are easily accessed, and unlimited research can be done on a destination. Besides, one can easily find information on any hobby, and there is usually an Internet club for every hobby imaginable.
In addition, internet improves communication. It has became the most popular way to communicate because of the ability to send and receive data such as messages, notes, letters, documents, pictures, video, sound and just about any form of communication, as effortlessly as making a phone call. Individuals and businesses, from students to journalists, to consultants, programmers and corporate giants are all harnessing the power of the Internet.
In sum, internet enhances our life by providing a pool(貌似量词有点问题) of information, a most efficient way to search information, as well as a powerful method of communication.
第二段排比后可以加句总结收尾,其他方面语言通顺流畅,感觉还行呵呵

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RE: N001_第八次作业 [修改]

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