【作文】——請求批改。

xry98UID: 2178698

又要麻煩諸位大蝦了，請不吝賜教，謝謝。

Topic:
A or D. The influence of classmates is more important than that from the parents on the children.

Essay:

There are some advantages that children are influenced by their classmates in school. For instance, they can talk with each other without generation gap, or discuss studying issues together. So, some people argue that the influence of classmates on the children is more important than that from the parents. However, I do not agree the statement for several reasons.

First, the influence of classmates is encompassed two sides, positive ones and negative ones. Also, children have a nature to imitate the negative ones just for fun. In contrast, the adults, especially the parents, are much more sophisticated then those of children. They have the positive morality values. When the children make something wrong, the parents will tell the children that it is wrong and teach them how to correct it by their knowledge and experience.

On the other hand, the children always live with their parents much more long time than that with their classmates. Thus, the parents understand their children much more deeply than the classmates. For example, the parents know the habit of the children's diet and can prepare the delicious and health food they like for the children. Also, if the child is a deficient kid, the parents know how to take care of the child better.

The last but not the least, the affection from the parents to the children cannot be replaced by their classmates. The parents are always paying theirs affection to their children without any conservation. Nevertheless, the classmates cannot do this because they are not relationship and they always have the personal desires which may cause conflicts with others.

In summary, although the classmates can discuss studying issues together and talk with each other without generation gap, the influence of them is no more important than the one from the parents for the sophistication, understanding, and affection of parents.

lintelleUID: 2297267

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-659024-1-1.html

xry98UID: 2178698

頂。

MagiSuUID: 2182136

There are some advantagesthat children are influenced by their classmates in school. Forinstance, they can talk with each other without generation gap, ordiscuss studying issues together. So, no comma here would be better some people argue that theinfluence of classmates on the children is more important than thatfrom the parents. However, I do not agree the statement for severalreasons.

First, the influence ofclassmates is encompassed contains? never seen such usage of encompassed two sides, positive ones and negative ones. i suppose "contain both negative and positive sides" is better Also, children have a nature to imitate the negative too many negative, use "backward" or some word else. ones just for fun.In contrast, the adults, especially the parents, are much moresophisticated then than those of no "of" children. They have the positive  moralityvalues.unsolveable sentence When the children make do something wrong, the parents will tellthe children that it is wrong and teach them how to correct it by theirknowledge and experience. too simple sentences, like oral english. just like me. it is not good, of course.

On the other hand, thechildren always live with their parents much more long time than thatwith their classmates. Thus, the parents understand their children muchmore can you use some words else than "much more"? it is not good to repeat previous used phrases too many times deeply than the classmates. For example, the parents know thehabit of the children's diet and can prepare the delicious and healthfood they like for the children. Also, if the child is a deficient kid,the parents know how to take care of the child better.
看到这里不像看了
The last but not the least,the affection from the parents to the children cannot be replaced bytheir classmates. The parents are always paying theirs affection totheir children without any conservation. Nevertheless, the classmatescannot do this because they are not relationship and they always havethe personal desires which may cause conflicts with others.

In summary, although theclassmates can discuss studying issues together and talk with eachother without generation gap, the influence of them is no moreimportant than the one from the parents for the sophistication,understanding, and affection of parents.


主要问题：段落不长，并且语言，说的好听点，就是通俗了点。而且没有感觉到有有力的论证。