发作文一篇，请大家提意见！谢谢

watermelon76UID: 2313120

Business should hire people for their entire lives. Do you agree or disagree ? Use  specific reasons and examples to support your answers.

  When it comes to hiring employees, some people think business should hire people for all their lifetime. It is indeed a complex question to all the companys. With all aspects carefully considered, I recon that it’s not a good idea and I prefer to hire people only when they are fit the job.
    There are some reasons to support my conclusion, to be simple, two of them are the most important ones, one is efficiency, the other is creativity.
    Efficiency is an important aspect that every company must bare it in mind. Nowaday, every company faces a more competitive market, the products of identical catogory from different companies are almost the same because of the high competitve market. How to attract the customers? How to take a good position in the market? The leading one is price. It is easy to understand that customers prefer low price to high price when they meet the identical products. The best approch to reduce price is improving the efficiency, that is to say, hire the best people who is capable to do the job and reduce the cost. Every Job requests different capabilities and people at some age will be the best choice. When they leave, there is no need for the company to afford the insurance and extra expense.
     Efficiency is but not only one of the reasons, creativity is also important. If a person stay in the company for his whole life,he will accustomed to the environment no matter it is good or bad and do what he did before as a habit. However, in such a variety world, no creativity means no success. For a company, we need freshmen to bring new ideas and change the style again and again so that to keep pace with customers’ anxiety. We can retrospect the leading companies in the world which can last for more than 100 years in the market, none of them is the same as 100 years before. The needs of customer change all the same, only the companies who can satisfy them will live on.
   Actually, I do not deny the advantages for hiring people for the whole life,it is more stable and the employees will feel safe here. However, compare with the disadvantages, these merits are not so outstanding and necessary.
   In a word, I recommend that business should hire people only when they can do the job best.

[ 本帖最后由 lintelle 于 2007-5-16 18:28 编辑 ]

crisissunUID: 2268192

很多拼写错误,LZ是应该是限时写作吧,应该是没有检查的.

conclusion不该在开始就出现,结构比较混乱,可以看出是比较有想法的,但是表达不够准确地道,建议买些作文书看看,或者多读185的范文

watermelon76UID: 2313120

恩。
还有很长的路要走啊
谢谢你的帮助！

ccrobin000UID: 2296575

字体很诡异就不帮你看了,帮你踩踩

lintelleUID: 2297267

赶紧练习打字技术。考场上可能会更加紧张，这样打字太拖后腿了。建议找些toefl高分作文，先研读一下，总结出好的、自己有可能用得着的句式，作上记号。然后再把这篇作文输入电脑，打字的时候专门注意做了记号的那些句子就可以了：既练习打字，也给出了充分的时间去记忆那些好句子。
语法还好，没什么大失误，有几个地方不太恰当的，也都不算大问题，继续注意一点就可以了。
最后讲了一点正面~一点。这个比例掌握让我很欣赏，注意要保持。
两段论证没什么逻辑或者构架问题，不过不是很喜欢你的出发点。拿出去给自称人道主义国家人看的东西，还是讲究点人道主义好啊。
最后期待你再练习练习结尾。且不说前面怎么埋伏笔，最后怎么收线了，言辞华丽一点都是能提高印象分的，别给人虎头蛇尾的印象。

watermelon76UID: 2313120

恩，谢谢你:)