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It is an undeniable fact that work time occupies most of our time in our lives, thus, it is of great significance to select meticulously for a job (it’s illogic, I think. There is no easy job at all, especially when you wanna be well paid. To select carefully can’t solve the problem you concerned, because it’s not the main matter. The way to the peak of career is the way to horn yourself. Surely, it’s inevitable to pay a lot of time in..). Undoubtedly, a man can never be too careful to choose a job(Confused. If I really got it, I think you should use ”however ” at the beginning of this sentence in that you expressed a different idea from the last one). But there are always times when we face the dilemma of choosing a job we favor or a job that can bring a lot of money.(or we can earn a lot of money. Subject before ‘earn’ should not be the ’job’.) And I deem highly that we should choose a job we enjoy very much. (Topics seem biased and not clear. it’s my recommendation that you’d better reform and restate the beginning.)
Attractive jobs absolutely (overstated! At least appear to be objective) alter our attitude towards working. We may merely feel obliged and hackneyed (‘hackneyed’ is boring or tedious here? If so, it’s not correct. As to itself meanings, I can’t catch you when I put them into this sentence.) to do the job which pays fine whereas the job appealing to us are keeping motivating us no matter how arduous it will be. For instance, a boy, intrepid and innovative ( I am not sure whether “innovative” can be adjective of a “person”. I’d like to use ‘creative’. Just take it as referenceJ ), was dreaming to be an inventor in the future and it came as no surprise that he realized his dreams. At that time, the electricity was not widely applied because of the lack of lighting facilities. Pledged to invent one, he began to test for thousands of the materials and seek for the optimal filament for bulb at the first place. If the job was not his favorite, how could he resume after repeated failure? (Hope must seem boundless to him as he intoxicated in the job, followed the failures but deferred to no difficulties sorry. I can’t understand), even though entangled in the plight, he just cheerfully relish? the hope that he could find the very material. And the result was that( Eventually is better, right?) he successfully found the material and invented a durable bulb, (transition ), he was Thomas Elva Edison. (Thomas E. Edison is not a ‘boy’!)
Furthermore, with the job we like, we may feel continuously inadequate knowledge of certain realm related to the job. Such as for translators, they may feel indispensable to replenish themselves with the contemporary expressions and idioms in order to be a eligible (‘qualified’ is better) translator; For computer engineers, they surely need access to current leap of computer science; otherwise they must be easily eliminated from the changing trends(otherwise it's easy for them to be eliminated...). Supposing we have only little interest in these competitive jobs, and refuse to learn more( one person imbue another person with knowledge), we will definitely fail to fulfill the jobs.
In addition, life will be radiant if we choose jobs we like. Society is now fraught with pressure and competition; we could hardly evade? them as a member of it. Only for sake of money, do we force ourselves to rebel against our will and be enslaved by money, how can we lead an enjoyable life? (The logic of the last sentence totally confused me.)
Considered the three reasons mentioned above, choosing a job we like is the optimum even if we suffer from financial deficit (overused!... Even if we have to hold tight our pocket这个ye不是地道用法，我只是按印象些的，你可以自己查查然后把这个句子写好J). Motivation, self enhancement by recharging ourselves and a cozy life will certainly reside in the process of taking the ideal job.
General comments:
1) In first paragraph u failed to lead your reader to know about your ideas. Topics, especially the beginning sentence, are tangential to the later parts,
2) Example is another matter. They can’t well support your ideas.
3) Conclusion in the end of every paragraph lacks of logical transition.
4) Refine your words. Before you can effectively organize words and sentences, try to avoid using big words such as ones in GRE vocabulary. To state clearly and make sure your reader understand is first concern you need to pay more attention to. Moreover, simply words still can be used to express variant meanings.
5) “The three reasons” seem fails to fully develop your idea. It’s not convincing or appears convincing at least; In part, do not use the extreme words like”absolute, only, must” or something.
Recommendation:
Draft first, list your topics through Chinese, flesh the skeleton and retouch.
A well done passage is determined before your writing.
[ 本帖最后由 lavin123 于 2007-6-25 15:56 编辑 ] | 
发表于 2007-5-27 00:46:56
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