好紧张,第一次发作文,求强人猛拍(工作在大城市 or小城市)

perfect_gxrUID: 2294010

Graduating from the university, every student should make a choice that is living in big city or small town. Although both preferences are logical and right in their own ways, I will still not hesitate to choice living in the big city. Among countless factors which influence my decision, there are three conspicuous aspects as follow.

First of all, living in the city can bring much more convenience than the rural area. The supermarket distributing in the metropolis enable people to buy the essential commodity at any time they want. In any case of emergencies, in the city there will be more available of emergencies, including hospital, to help the injured person than in a small town. In  this situation, time is equipollence with the life, living in the city will guarantee a better living condition.

Another reason can be seen by every person is that more job will be offer in the city, which will bring them a bright future. Approximately, most of the large companies are posited in the city. This greatly helps them to find the position with high salary. The researches have shown that the money earned by the people living in the city is much more than those in the rural area. Even if someone is fired by one company, another job may be waiting for him around the next corner in the city

The third reason for my penchant for living in the city is that it offers people a platform to make friends with different culture. People living in the metropolis always come from the different area. Communicating together, people exactly can get some new ideas. This exchange can be benefit with each other, which it enables them to consider the same things with various ways and expend their area of knowledge. The culture of city is multiple, which you can get more from it.

Admittedly, living in the city may have some disadvantages ---- pollution, great pressure, and expensive life, for instance. But if all these factors are compared, the merits of living in city, such as convenient, more job opportunity, carry more weight than living in small town. After taking into account the reasons above, from the personal perspective, I choose living in the city.

MagiSuUID: 2182136

Graduatingfrom the university, every student should make a choice that is bug here. livingin big city or small town. Although both preferences are logical andright in their own waysa little strange here, I will still not hesitate to choice living inthe big city. Among countless factors which influence my decision,there are three conspicuous aspects as follow.

First of all, living in the city can bring much more convenience than the rural areaoh, you should compare it with small cities, not rural!. The supermarket distributing inthe metropolis enable people to buy the essential commodity at any timethey want. In any case of emergencies, in the city there will be moreavailable of emergenciesdo not use "emergencies" twice in one sentence, will you?, including hospital, to help the injuredperson than in a small town city!. In  this situation, time is equipollence with the life, this sentence is not concerning about the topic! living in the city will guarantee a better living condition.

Another reason can be seenby every person is that more job will be offer in the city, which willbring them a bright future. Approximately, most of the large companiesare posited in the city. This greatly helps them to find the positionwith high er salary. The researches have shown that the money earned bythe people living in the city is much more than those in the ruralarea you still do not know that you arent comparing to the rural area... . Even if someone is fired by one company, another job may bewaiting for him around the next corner in the city

The third reason for mypenchant for living in the city is that it offers people a platform tomake friends with different culture. People living in the metropolisalways come from the different area. Communicating together, peopleexactly can get some new ideas. This exchange can be benefit with eachother, which it enables them to consider the same things with variousways and expend their area of knowledge. The culture of city ismultiple, which you can get more from it.

Admittedly, living in thecity may have some disadvantages ---- pollution, great pressure, andexpensive life, for instance. But if all these factors are compared,the merits of living in city, such as convenient, more job opportunity,carry more weight than living in small town. After taking into accountthe reasons above, from the personal perspective, I choose living inthe city.

观点都不错，段落逻辑不好，而且有些扯的太远。

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xusenUID: 2199844

不错的文章,段落间的联系要紧些.

goodgoodstudyUID: 201753

不错

perfect_gxrUID: 2294010

十分感谢“Magi Su”,爱的告别式","goodgoodstudy"的点评。

我也是感觉理由段之间没有联系， 但又想不出什么句子可以加强联系的，
烦请大家提提建议。

perfect_gxrUID: 2294010

Graduating from the university, students should make a choice that is living in a big city or small town. Although both preferences are logical and right in their own ways, from the personal perspective, I prefer to choice living in a big city. Among countless factors which influence my decision, there are three conspicuous aspects as follow.

First of all, living in the city can bring much more convenient than living in small town, which provide people with a penalty of facilities for living, recreation and health care. Supermarkets distributing over the metropolis enable us to buy the essential commodity at any time we need. Recreational places ---- opera houses, movie theatres, and clubs would be a good choice for people during their free time. In addition, the developed road system can bring people to anywhere in the minutes. In some cases, when you are sick needing for first aid right now, it helps people to be send to the hospital immediately. In some extent, living in the city will promote standard of living.

Another reason can be seen by every person is that more job will be offer in the city, which will bring a bright future. Approximately, most of the large companies are posited in the city. This greatly helps people to find the position with higher salary. The researches have shown that the money earned by the people living in cities is much more than those in small towns. Even if you are fired by the company, another decent job may be waiting for you in the next corner.

The third reason for my penchant for living in the city is that it offers people a platform to share information quickly，since people with different experiences and backgrounds live in the same place. Communicating together, they exactly can get some new ideas from other. This exchange can be benefited since one may learn to consider the same thing with various ways and expend area of knowledge. The culture of city is multiple, which you can get more from it.

Admittedly, living in cities may have some disadvantages ---- pollution, great pressure, and expensive life, for instance. But if all these factors are compared, the merits of living in cities, such as convenient, more job opportunity, carry more weight than living in small towns. After taking into account the reasons above, from the personal perspective, I choose living in the city.

自评：
1，        为了使文章显的客观，我将文中所有的us都换为了 people.但是感觉全文people用的太多，请问什么替代词？
2，        单复数感觉非常混乱，不知道是该用“cities”还是“the city”还是“a city”?
3，        红字部分感觉有问题，不知怎么改？郁闷。
4，        开头太垃圾

syavlehUID: 2303752

After graduating from the university, students should make a choice that is living in a big city or small town. Although both preferences are logical and right in their own ways, from the personal perspective, I prefer to choose living in a big city. Among countless factors which influence my decision, there are three conspicuous aspects as follow.

First of all, living in the city can bring much more convenience than living in small town, which provides people with a penalty of facilities for living, recreation and health care. Supermarkets distributing over the metropolis enable us to buy the essential commodity at any time we need. Recreational places ---- opera houses, movie theatres, and clubs would be a good choice for people during their free time. In addition, the developed road system can bring people to anywhere in the minutes. In some cases, when you are sick needing for first aid right away(汗..仅仅是觉得right away比right now顺一点), it helps people to be sent to the hospital immediately. In some extent, living in the city will promote standard of living.

一些比较基本的错误.
句子结构上没有怎么改,感觉上有点wordy
比如"it helps people to be sent to the hospital immediately"
虽然句式上没有错,但似乎不经常这么说.
总体而言感觉还是不错的.

wangqin1985121UID: 2217170

After Graduating from the university, every student should (have to) make a choice: (that is) living in a big city or a small town. Although any preferences (tendency)  are(may have its inner reason) logical and right in their own ways, I will still(去掉still) not hesitate to choice(choose to live) living in the big city. Among countless (a lot of) factors which (has)influenced my decision, there are three conspicuous aspects (reasons) as follows.First of all, living in the city can bring (us) much more convenience than the rural area. The supermarkets distributing (opened) in the metropolis enable people to buy the essential commodity at any time they want. In any case of emergencies, in the city there will be more available of emergencies ( it is much easier to handle the emergency), including(For example) hospital, to(can) help the injured person (more quickly)than in a small town. In this situation, time is equipollence with the life. (Thus) living in the city will guarantee a better living condition.Another reason can be seen by every person (obvious reason) is that more job will be offer(ed) in the city, which will bring them a bright future. Approximately (As we allknow), most of the large companies are posited in the city. This greatly helps them to find the (a) position with high salary. (The ) researches have shown that (the)(去掉THE) money earned by the people living in the city is much more than those in the rural area. Even if someone is fired by one company, another job may be waiting for him around the next corner in the city The third reason for my penchant for living in the city is that it offers people a platform to make friends with different culture. People living in the metropolis always come from the different area. Communicating together, people exactly can get some new ideas. This exchange can be benefit with each other, which it enables them to consider the same things with various ways and expend their area of knowledge. The culture of city is multiple, which you can get more from it.Admittedly, living in the city may have some disadvantages ---- pollution, great pressure, and expensive life, for instance. But if all these factors are compared, the merits of living in city, such as convenient, more job opportunity, carry more weight than living in small town. After taking into account the reasons above, from the personal perspective, I choose living in the city.

前面改得太仔细,后面改不下去了,呵呵

perfect_gxrUID: 2294010

感谢syavleh 和 wangqin1985121的批改，十分感谢。


syavleh 提到”感觉上有点wordy“ 我也十分赞同，平时自己总喜欢故意把句子整的超长，自己都想吐！

谢谢

perfect_gxrUID: 2294010

After graduating from the university, students should make a choice: living in a big city or small town. Although both preferences are logical and right in their own ways, from the personal perspective, I prefer to choose living in a big city. Among countless factors which influence my decision, there are three conspicuous aspects as follow.

First of all, living in the city can bring people much more convenient than living in small town, which provide people with a penalty of facilities for living, recreation and health care. Supermarkets distributing over the metropolis enable us to buy the essential commodity at any time we need. Recreational places ---- opera houses, movie theatres, and clubs would be a good choice for people during their free time. In addition, the developed road system can bring people to anywhere in the minutes. In some cases, when you are sick needing for first aid right away, it helps people to be sent to the hospital immediately. In some extent, living in the city will promote standard of living.

Another reason can be seen by obvious reason is that more job will be offered in the city, which will bring a bright future. Approximately, most of the large companies are posited in the city. This greatly helps people to find the position with higher salary. The researches have shown that money earned by the people living in cities is much more than those in small towns. Even if you are fired by the company, another decent job may be waiting for you in the next corner.

The third reason for my penchant for living in the city is that it offers people a platform to share information quickly，since people with different experiences and backgrounds live in the same place. Communicating together, they exactly can get some new ideas from other. This exchange can be benefited since one may learn to consider the same thing with various ways and expend area of knowledge. The culture of city is multiple, which you can get more from it.

Admittedly, living in cities may have some disadvantages ---- pollution, great pressure, and expensive life, for instance. But if all these factors are compared, the merits of living in cities, such as convenient, more job opportunity, carry more weight than living in small towns. After taking into account the reasons above, from the personal perspective, I choose living in the city.

问题

1，        为了使文章显的客观，我将文中所有的us都换为了 people.但是感觉全文people用的太多，请问什么替代词？
2，        单复数感觉非常混乱，不知道是该用“cities”还是“the city”还是“a city”?
3，        开头太垃圾