69考试……恳请高手改作文

sanmuyi3868111UID: 2332555

69就要考试了……作文越写越差，越写越没感觉……怎么办啊……真想撞墙
题目：Ｗｈａｔ　ｈａｖｅ　ｙｏｕ　ｌｅａｒｎｅｄ　ａｂｏｕｔ　ａ　ｃｏｕｎｔｒｙ　ｆｒｏｍ　ｗａｔｃｈｉｎｇ　ｉｔｓ　ｍｏｖｉｅｓ？
Now an increasing number of people learn about a country through the way by watching the movies which was made by its countries, for the reason that films can be divided into different brands which can tell us varied aspects about a country such as the country’s history, culture, and national spirit.
First and foremost, we could be taught the history of this country. Normally, many movies were produced based on background of its history, which contains lots of events, time, places, characters .For this, we are able to gain plenty of fragments of history or a conceptually complete history order. Take the movie “Chengjisihan” made by China for example, from the film’s beginning, it give us a general content about the Yuan period of Chinese history, then we would get more details with the development of the story.
The second one, films which made by its country offer various knowledge about its culture for us such as its tradition, custom, preference, ritual, and so on. As nearly all directors consider that elements of the country’s history make a movie more profound and attractive, so a large number of movies are specific full of culture settings. Therefore, masses audiences sitting in the theater enjoy a wonderful movie as well as achieving numerous information concerning a realm’s culture.
What’s more, most films reflect the national spirit of this country directly. For mainly people, especially for children and adolescent, it is a ideal access to understand simply a national spirit by seeing vivid images instead of reading a tedious book. Generally, movies may well show kinds of nations which owe distinct national spirits. For example, “Brave heart” inform us a firm confidence and a courageous spirit of a civilian, “Hero” constructed by China announce that its heroic character as well as its persevering belief.
In a nutshell, there is no doubt we can discover a great deal knowledge through movies ａｂｏｕｔ　ｉｔｓ　ｈｉｓｔｏｒｙ，ｃｕｌｔｕｒｅ　ａｎｄ　ｎａｔｉｏｎａｌ　ｓｐｉｒｉｔ. Thought there are a few negative factors in a film, yet the acquaintances we get are far away from the unhelpful information.

nlmUID: 2323551

楼主是不是发错地方了？

melfice_seaverUID: 2235897

我6.30也要考试了，帮你改一下自己也是学习，能力有限，改错了不要骂我啊。文章感觉整体很好，只能改一些语法和词汇上的问题。

Nowan increasing number of people learn about a country through the way bywatching the movies which was made(没必要用过去时） by its (their）countries, for the reasonthat films can be divided into different brands（感觉用Categories或kinds应该更好吧，brands......） which can tell usvaried aspects about a country such as the country’s history, culture,and national spirit.
First andforemost, we could be taught the history of this country. Normally,many(用many感觉没什么说服力，建议去掉) movies were produced based on background of its history, whichcontains lots of events, time, places, characters .For this, we areable to gain plenty of fragments of history or a conceptually completehistory order(是指什么？历史顺序？如果是指这个的话，建议改为a general chronicles). Take the movie “Chengjisihan” made by China for example,from the film’s beginning, it give us a general content about the Yuanperiod(dynasty) of Chinese history, then we would get more details with thedevelopment of the story.
The secondone, films which (are) made by its country offer various knowledge about itsculture for us such as its tradition, custom, preference, ritual, andso on. As nearly all directors consider that elements of the country’shistory make a movie more profound and attractive, so a large number ofmovies are specific full of culture settings（好）. Therefore, massesaudiences sitting in the theater(can) enjoy a wonderful movie as well asachieving(achieve) numerous information concerning a realm’s culture.
What’smore, most films reflect the national spirit of this country directly.For mainly people, especially for children and adolescent, it is aideal access to understand simply a national spirit by seeing vividimages instead of reading a tedious book(感觉这个句子有点问题). Generally, movies may wellshow kinds of nations which owe distinct national spirits. For example,“Brave heart” inform(s) us a firm confidence and a courageous spirit of acivilian(civilian指平民这里citizen应该会更好), “Hero” constructed by China announce that its heroiccharacter as well as its persevering belief.
In a nutshell, there is no doubt we can discover a great deal knowledge through movies ａｂｏｕｔ　ｉｔｓ　ｈｉｓｔｏｒｙ，ｃｕｌｔｕｒｅ　ａｎｄ　ｎａｔｉｏｎａｌ　ｓｐｉｒｉｔ. Though there are a few negative factors in a film, yet the acquaintances we get are far away from the unhelpful information.(结尾句有些没看懂)

goodgoodstudyUID: 201753

格式好乱
看了就不想改了

gdjmUID: 2119497

一个小小意见：从句有点多啊。我说的不一定对。

sanmuyi3868111UID: 2332555

谢谢啦拉6辛苦啦

wangqin1985121UID: 2217170

Nowmore and more people learn about a country by watching its movies, because films with different themes can tell us various aspects of the country such as  history, culture, and sometimes even national spirit.
First and foremost, we can have a view of the history in this country. Normally, many movies were produced based on its historical events or characters .Thus, we may gain some fragments of its history or even can perceive a relatively complete history story. Take the movie “Chengjisihan” made by China for example.At the beginning, it gives us a general background introduction about theYuan dynasty, then with more details to outshow the development of the story gradually.
Secondly, films offer us some internal culture of the country, such as its tradition, custom, ritual, and so on. As most directors suppose that adding some history properly makes a movie more attractive, so a large number of movies are made with more or less history . By this means, audiences can both enjoy a wonderful movie and get some precious information about the local culture.
What’s more, most films reflect the national spirit of this country directly or indirectly. Hence,It is a ideal access to understand the national spirit by seeing these vivid images, compared toreading a tedious book. For example, “Brave heart” tells us that bravery and firm confidence play key roles in cheiving accomplishments, “Hero” made in Chinaconstructs a heroic character with persevering belief, from which us can benefit a lot.
According to those mentioned above,  there is no doubt that we can learn a lot about a country's　ｈｉｓｔｏｒｙ，ｃｕｌｔｕｒｅ　ａｎｄ　ｎａｔｉｏｎａｌ　ｓｐｉｒｉｔby watching its movies.




不好意思,改的面目全非了.
只是觉得托福作文应该强调的是行文的连贯性, 逻辑的严密性和用词的准确性
实在不觉得有很大必要用那么多的从句.从句的作用应该是补充说明, 或修饰作用, 用的好可以使文章饱满华丽, 用的不好的话只能是弄巧成拙

还有就是觉得楼主一些词用的不太准确,如果词义理解不透彻的话,建议还是不要用, 不然读起来会很奇怪

整体来说, 思路还不错啦,就是最后哪个转折实在没必要要
你如果想要有保留的赞成,至少应给出一点保留的原因吧,呵呵,不然就是一句废话


说的难听了一点, 希望楼主不要生气
我也是6.9号考, 大家一起加油哦

sanmuyi3868111UID: 2332555

谢啦谢啦……:)

shjwysjjadaUID: 2117336

成吉思汗是有特定用法的，我刚查了一下词霸。Genghis Khan
感觉national spirit 应该放在最前面吧，起码也是culture前面，这样逻辑上比较舒服。
长短句结合吧，免得读者累。
觉得很多时候影响理解的不是句子长度，而是用词的准确性。

sanmuyi3868111UID: 2332555

谢谢你……好细心哦:)