人们为什么要去上大学？ 请大家修改我的作文！

雁之子UID: 2119573

Topic：People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, and increase knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

ANSWER:
When it comes to the question why people attend university, different people have various opinions, and no matter what the reason is, every individual has his or her own sound explanation. In my opinion, I attend university just for three things: more knowledge, more experience, and career preparation.

More knowledge is the first thing I want to get from university. I am a boy who loves biology very much, and my interest had been developed while I attend college. With the help of professors in our college, I acquire the mechanism of metabolism in our body; with the help of laboratory stuff, I can get access to research work in life science and realize how wonderful it is in a single cell; with the help of classmates, I come to recognize how to engage in a research team. Besides, from the school library, we can also get a lot of knowledge from geography, psychology, society, and every aspects concerning with our daily life.

Secondly, getting more fresh experiences from my college life is another explanation why I attend university. Admittedly, studying in a college, no matter public one or private one, students may meet various kind people, such as classmates, stuff, and faculty, and so on, and different people have different individuality, so someone who study in a university has to know how to get along with so many kinds of people first, and this is an useful fresh experience acquired when study in college. In addition, participate in activities may also be another new experience in people’s life, for example, get a girlfriend.

The last but the most important explanation is career preparation. With the development of our society, the competition in our daily life is increasing. In respond, numerous companies or job offers have high requirements to their applicants, such as language ability, subject background, computer operation, the ability to communicate with other people, and some specific requirement unpredictable. In that case, we should acquire those skills to survive in the modern world, and university is the very place where we can get the ability we need. So I choose to attend university to resolve my problem in living in the future.

In conclusion, getting more fresh experiences, acquiring more knowledge and career preparation are the explanations why I attend university. Although, there are many other choices to get my target, I think studying in university is the best one.  

雁之子UID: 2119573

请大家给点意见

melfice_seaverUID: 2235897

When it comes to thequestion why people attend university, different people have various(尽管要避免用词重复，但这里感觉没有必要，用different就可以了）opinions, and no matter what the reason is, every individual has his orher own sound explanation（感觉强调sound没必要，而且这句话总体看有些多余）. In my opinion, I attend university just forthree things: more knowledge, more experience, and career preparation.

More knowledge is the firstthing I want to get from university.(用Acquisition more knowledge from university is my primary purpose会不会更好？) I am a boy who loves biology verymuch, and my interest had been (加个further怎么样？) developed while I attend college. Withthe help of professors in our college, I acquire the mechanism ofmetabolism in our body; with the help of laboratory stuff, I can getaccess to research work in life science and realize how wonderful it isin a single cell; with the help of classmates, I come to recognize howto engage in a research team. Besides, from the school library, we canalso get a lot of knowledge from geography, psychology, society, andevery aspects concerning with(with可直接去掉) our daily life.

Secondly, getting morefresh experiences from my college life is another explanation (for) why Iattend university. Admittedly, studying in a college, no matter publicone or private one, (private&public这两个好像和后面的没太大关系，建议删掉)students may meet various kind people, such asclassmates, stuff, and faculty, and so on, and different people havedifferent individuality, so someone who study in a university has toknow how to get along with so many kinds of people first, and this isan useful fresh experience acquired when study in college. In addition,participate(participation) in activities may also be another new experience(experience用的太多了，改成taste之类的应该会更好一些) inpeople’s life, for example, get a girlfriend(-_-....).

The last but the mostimportant explanation(explanation一样也是重复太多了，可以用aspect之类代替) is career preparation. With the development ofour society, the competition in our daily life is increasing(可以用is increasingly intensive). Inrespond, numerous companies or job offers have high requirements totheir applicants, such as language ability, subject background,computer operation, the ability(skill) to communicate with other people, andsome specific requirement (is)unpredictable. In that case, we shouldacquire those skills to survive in the modern world, and university isthe very place where we can get the ability we need. So I choose toattend university to resolve my problem in living in the future.

In conclusion, getting more freshexperiences, acquiring more knowledge and career preparation are theexplanations why I attend university. Although, there are many otherchoices to get my target, I think studying in university is the best one.

文章的条例清晰，逻辑很明确，改的地方很多也只能算是鸡蛋里挑骨头，但有些句子lz还是可以写的更好！good luck!

雁之子UID: 2119573

非常感谢melfice_seaver 对我的文章做出修改
我以后会在用词和句式方面更加注意。
再次感谢！

goodgoodstudyUID: 201753

我想我给你的建议就是，你的态度不明确，和你的另外一篇文章一样。
我很忌讳你的开头那种句式，让人不知所以然，如果是我写，我会旗帜鲜明地支持我认为对的一方。
toefl作文文字本来就没有那么多，再搞些花哨的句式，华而不实，会使你的内容很空洞。

雁之子UID: 2119573

你的意见很中肯，非常感谢