求改:作文3篇3

fllsydUID: 2347970

Some people prefer working for a very large company that has several hundred employees. Others prefer working for a small company where they know all of their co-workers. Which do you prefer?

Working for a large company is a better choice than working for a small one is an issue which has generated a heated debate, with the proponent claiming that large company will offer higher salary and better welfare and also bigger stage for employees revealing their capabilities, whilst opponents maintaining that working for a small company will obtain more experiences of dealing with all kinds of affairs, and have more oppunities to be elevated. However, as a supporter of the second statement, I would like to apply myself to working for a small company, because in my opinion the benefits of working for a small company overtake the other.

The first reason to support my idea is that small company leads employees to versatile workers. As  a developing organization, small company don’t have enough money to recruit workers for every position. Sometimes one employee should do all kinds of jobs at the same time,such as designing a propose, introducing the product to the clients and market-researching for their products, which will be done by all kinds of people in a large company.  These experience will be useful to compete in the society.

An additional factor of my opinion is that small company people offers more opptunities for employees to be elevated, since there are less co-workers to compete with you. Your boss can easily found out your ablities for working, which will not be easy to happen in large company because of the large sum of employees.

To further clarify this is that the relationship of employees is more easygoing in small company. There will be more communications between leader and workers.

From what have been mentioned above, it is not difficult to deduce the summary that it is more advisable option for young people-- especially the people who have just graduated from college or university-- to work for a small company.

panda2033UID: 2305826

看了第一句就想枪毙这篇文章!!!!!!!你以为句子越长越好啊?评分人员不用喘气啊?虽然你的句子很美,可惜不符合老美的习惯!简单明了,有论有据即可啦.不过这篇文章特别是这个开头,如果真是LZ在30分钟内写出来的,那么在下只有说:我没水平改您这篇文章.

意见:论据部分也就是理由和例子部分似乎不足

fllsydUID: 2347970

这位老兄好大的火啊:funk: 第一句是个套路而已,写出来不难,因为是老师给的.复杂了倒是真的,老美看着累不累就不知道了.anyway,thank u for ur criticizing:loveliness:

kevinliu6883UID: 2338522

Boring is certain for Americans.
Follow good style not given suit.
The first thing for a writing is clarity.
Make short sentences inbeded among long sentences may give reader a chance to have a break. A script full of long sentences will kill your readers, in turn they will kill your work.

Minor concerns include
promoted may be better fit in your text than elevated.
avoid spelling errors.

panda2033UID: 2305826

呵呵,可能我的语气是重了点.但是事实就是事实.美国人就是喜欢观点明了论据充分的文章.长句确实可以美化整篇,但并不意味着长句就是好的呀.我看LZ还是把第一句话断开写吧.这种文章阅卷老师一看前后反差这么大肯定会降低分数的.

[ 本帖最后由 panda2033 于 2007-6-11 16:01 编辑 ]

fllsydUID: 2347970

谢谢:) 我接纳

adonis4uUID: 201415

主要还是要加强主体段落的论证！

zdlukeluckUID: 2340731

写得很烂嘛······

cw025UID: 2181480

大家评论请尽量发表建设性的语言~

PS:这个文章跟GRE阅读似的,确实需要修改
请楼主也要加入一些简短的句子
把一些复杂的句子简化成几个简单一些的复杂句
你想想中文
语言还是有相通的地方的

fllsydUID: 2347970

谢谢中肯的建议,看如果我把第一句这样断句后,大家觉得是不是好些?或者是还是看着很累?
Whether working for a large company is a better choice than working for a small one has  become an issue which has generated a heated debate. The proponents claim  that large company will offer higher salary and better welfare, and also bigger stage for employees to reveal their capabilities, however, the opponents maintain  that working for a small company will obtain more experiences of dealing with all kinds of affairs, and have more opportunities to be elevated.  As a supporter of the second statement, I would like to apply myself to working for a small company, because in my opinion the benefits of working for a small company overtake the other.

blue_zsqUID: 2293265

开头没有必要这么冗长，看上去似乎也没有在表达什么有用的信息。写几句点睛之笔，把更多笔墨留到中间段落把

zdlukeluckUID: 2340731

句子再长，也不能表现出你的语言有多么好

zdlukeluckUID: 2340731

Working for a large company is a better choice than working for a small one is an issue which has generated a heated debate, with the proponent claiming that large company will offer higher salary and better welfare and also bigger stage for employees revealing their capabilities, whilst opponents maintaining that working for a small company will obtain more experiences of dealing with all kinds of affairs, and have more opportunities to be elevated(第一句很长，看似很有水平，但是开头就犯了忌讳：复述题目。然后是一些模版式的废话，没有实际意义。这样的开头，绝对是反面教材。正确的开头方法：鉴于LZ水平有限，所以你可以用从general到specific的方式来写。先写一个整体状况，然后用1－2句过渡到题目。写作文同样不要灌水。开头切忌不可露出模版痕迹。). However, as a supporter of the second statement, I would like to apply myself to working for a small company, because in my opinion(建议不要再使用in my opinion这样的词汇了，用from my perspective) the benefits of working for a small company overtake the others.

The first reason to support my idea is that small company leads employees to versatile workers. As  a developing organization, small company don’t(do not) have enough money to recruit workers for every position. Sometimes one employee should do all kinds of jobs at the same time, such as designing a proposal, introducing the product to the clients and doing market-researching for their products, which will be done by all kinds of people(different ones who are equipped with related expertise) in a large company.  These experiences will be useful to compete in the society(这个句子也太简单了，可以说：these precious experiences, to a certain extent, will strengthen one’s competitive power in this unprecedentedly fierce society. ).

An additional factor of my opinion is that small company people offers more opportunities for employees to be elevated, since there are less co-workers to compete with you. Your boss can easily found(find，汗) out your abilities for working, which will not be easy to happen in large company because of the large sum of employees.
(不一定要有3个优点，2个论述展开，比较充分的优点同样是可以的。你的论点，很明显，展开得不好，不是well developed的)

To further clarify this is that the relationship of employees is more easygoing in small company. There will be more communications between leader and workers.(完全是在凑论点。这里，可以说：大公司也有他的好处，举例，但是，综合的比较起来，小公司更适合一个人的发展，所以，我的观点是…这样才显示出你的客观和critical thinking)

From what have been mentioned above, it is not difficult to deduce the summary that it is more advisable option for young people-- especially the people who have just graduated from college or university-- to work for a small company.(不管你用没有用模版，这篇文章都是那种模版样式的，很讨阅卷人的厌哟！)

yayakupeUID: 2339709

可能有帮助，因为你的文章看起来缺乏一些英语的元素，没有英语文章的感觉。

比如美国白宫对Clinton的介绍～

蔽见～

kevinliu6883UID: 2338522

Modern companies vary in size. They can be as huge as over thousands empoyees involved or as small as only a few of people working for it. The size of a company determines many other characteristics such as production, profit and risks. Some people like working in big companies while some prefer to find job in small firms. In my opinion, landing a job in a big company is better.

First, big companies are much stable. They stand in business for quite a time and have accumulated experiences in management and technology. They are rich in fiscal resource and human resources. They can easier survive the the social change and relavent commotion in  economic enviornment. A statistic artical says, during the first 3 years, 20% of small business are out of business. Working in a big company, you feel more secure in job stability. If you desire to do research or development, only big companies may provide you with a stable working condition.

Furthermore, big compaies mostly warrenty their employees better benefit like retire plan or health ensurance. These benefit are important for you and your family. Working in a big company, you have many fellow workers. When you have some problems, you can easily find solutions. You won't feel alone.

Big companies have good management. When you work in a big company, you can learn a lot. You may have more chances to receive training and you may face big challenges. This experience may help you to develop your business at a high starting point.

Working in a samll company, you also have some advantage like flexibility. You may have more opportunities to show your talents because the small company does not have other choice. But you have to face the dramtic change. The small company may close because of shorage in finatial support. Then you have to hunt for job again.

A big company acts like a huge ship whille a small company like a boat. Counting both pros and cons, I insist on choosing a big company to work.

[ 本帖最后由 kevinliu6883 于 2007-6-13 02:57 编辑 ]