恩刚写的热乎作文 征改~~征点意见哈

maggiechanUID: 2295751

IF YOU CAN CHANGE THE MOST THING ABOUT YOUR  HOMETOWN，
            WHAT ARE YOU WILLINGTO DO？


Each person owned his/her hometown. The hometown product a great significance for us wherever we been.
Everyone are willing to try his best to make his hometown better and more popular. I'm so pleasant to do something
dedicate for my hometown. Different region may have different characteristics and eviroment. If I really could change
something about my hometown, I would come up with a policy to change the severe situation that  junior student is
competitive to enroll the best school whose quality is a far cry from the average school , even though that they  need
pay a high price.

In my hometown , nearly all the students and their famities are eagerly to enroll the best school which put an order
in certain region.The competitive in enrollment lead a series of competition in relative. With the fine school become
more hot ,the fee of first-class school become more and more expensive so that the family of many hard work student
find that it is impossible to afford it nowadays. Xiao Hong Middle School is such a example . It's fee is nearly 4 times higher
than that it was 5 years ago. It seems that the developing trend is going to unfair that the more you rich,the more
oppotunites you will own to obtain the high-level education and enjoy the superior facilities.

In addition,  some students had to go far afield to study , just so as to  persuit  the reputation of the school.
Therefore, if I could do something to make this situation better, I may come up with a policy that all the schools  in
certain region interchange the presidents and outstangding teachers in regular years. The communication among schools
should fequently than before. Everyone make every effort to eliminate the gap between the so-called "first calss" and the
poor school. It is feasible for the students mostly have chances to enjoy high quality  study condition in neighberhood.

Thus , I'm very proud to do any changes for my hometown,which can develop it. The most important thing happended in my hometown is that make many students graduate from junior school can choose his/her Middle School fairly and pure dreamly to
accompish his next step in learning progress.


Thank you .
That's all

kevinliu6883UID: 2338522

I generalize this topic into a catalog "thing you choose to do".

For this topic, we have to answer what the thing is (what problem is), why it is important, or what is the goodness for doing so.

You choose to make a police to improve the public education in your hometown.
Your reasons are: schools are of different quality; people try to send their students to the good schools. some schools' tuition grow too fast.

You want to fill the gap among schools by exchanging leaders of schools;

It seems that you inferring lack a tightly logical connection between the arguement and support evidences. You follow the form but fail to fill it with proper content. Your point is loosely piled there. Many people may feel they don't like the current public school police but yours seems no beetter than it.

According to the spirit of public education, it should provide every member in this community with equal oppotunity to have 9 year compulsory schooling. The so called first class schools may have different origin. Some have its tradition and positive support from parents. This situation should be encouraged. Some may simply be attributed to the unfair police. They concentrate the best teachers, best fiscal support while leave other public shools depleted from resource. This case should be solved.

The development of civilizaton is toward fair treatment. Not only the members of the community feel comfortable but also every one has a chance to realize his/her value. Education is a process to increase value of future responsible citizen. fair education oppotunite will benefit the community, not for the minority of elite.

[ 本帖最后由 kevinliu6883 于 2007-6-20 09:17 编辑 ]

maggiechanUID: 2295751

thank you very much@@~~

actually,when I was writing this passage,I
have conscience of kinds of logical lapse.

later on I will pay more attention to that question.