Issue208 by happyhappypig

happyhappypigUID: 2342810

208"The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."

10:36-11: 21 45 min

Early this morning, I got a call from my friend, who will have her master thesis defense the next day and asked me if to lend her my formal suit for her last presentation. I am willing to help, yet still a little bit surprise since normally she pays little attention on dresses. It is obvious that she takes the presentation seriously and wanted to show respects to the committee and her own project. Actually, do the way people look dress or even act reveals their attitudes and interest? Can we tell a society's ideas and values by observing people's appearance and behaviors? As far as I am concerned, the way people dress and behave do reflect social characteristics, yet for a thorough analysis of a society, focus on traditions and cultures are also necessary.

It is true that people's appearances and behaviors would reflect their attitudes and living conditions of a society. Purchasing beauty is the inherit character of every individual and the natural trend of a society, with people choosing their favorites according to their financial situations and contemporary fashions. When walking on the streets of the New York City, one may even have the illusion to sit near the T-stage, with charming models with various styles passing by, which reflects American people's diverse interests, desire for uniqueness and fast economic development. Whereas in North Koreas, the similar style of most clothes people wears are mainly the consequence of less developed economics and resistance to accept new concepts. As a matter of fact, plenty psychologies have done numerous investigation about the relationship between people's dressings, behaviors and their personal characteristics, which are considered as Bibles for those who eager to gain experience in interpersonal relationship. Thus, there will be no denying that people's appearance could reflect the corresponding society's ideas due to their tight connection and the social environment.

However, the way people look or act is not the only criteria to give judgment to either individual or the society. As an old eastern saying goes, just as you cannot measure the volume of the seawater using a beaker, you cannot just give evaluation of an individual merely upon his appearance either. To look for examples, one doesn't need to go further but our indigenous scientists in the research field. YUAN Longping, father of hybrid rice in China, have done significant contribution to the production of rice by increasing their productivity. However, either when working in the field or giving talks at the conferences, he always has clean and decent clothes. Also, in additional to the simple life he has, he donates most of his rewards into the development of agriculture of the country. It is exactly such attitude and his great achievements gain him enormous respect from both the public and worldwide scientists. Thus in order to get a rational evaluation of a person or a society, information related to appearance is quite limited.

Moreover, plenty of other aspects such as tracing history, understanding of the tradition and culture of a society are also indispensible to reveal the society's ideas and values. History reflects the formation of a society's cultures with plenty lasting rituals and ceremonies still held today in festivals to respect our past and express our wishes for the future. With advancement in technology and improvement of the society, traditional merits and charitable moral characters also play essential roles in keeping our moral standards and social harmony. For example, in the old Chinese story of four-year kongrong offering pears, he left larger pears to his bigger brothers and parents and took smaller one himself reflects Chinese tradition to respect the elder people. The wide spread and promotion of Confucianism also remind us to be grateful and thankful instead of chasing profits without any mercy considerations.

From the analysis above, it may be safe for us to draw a conclusion that the appearance and behaviors of people do reflect people's interests. However, it is not the only criteria for any judgment, people's moral characters as well as traditions and cultures of a society are also necessary for a thorough analysis.

[ 本帖最后由 lastangel 于 2007-7-28 12:05 编辑 ]

最後の使徒UID: 2257608

Early this morning, I got a call from my friend, who will have her master thesis defense the next day and asked me if to lend her my formal suit for her last presentation. I am willing to help, yet still a little bit surprise since normally she pays little attention on dresses. It is obvious that she takes the presentation seriously and wanted to show respects to the committee and her own project.(开头很有新意, 但是和后面接不上, 讲了段小故事怎么用忽然actually了? 后面的act又是怎么来的? 对这个故事没有任何的分析和过度, 后面是一个完全独立的典型ISSUE开头, 这样前面的笔墨等于被浪费了) Actually, do the way people look dress or even act reveals their attitudes and interest? Can we tell a society's ideas and values by observing people's appearance and behaviors? As far as I am concerned, the way people dress and behave do reflect social characteristics, yet for a thorough analysis of a society, focus on traditions and cultures are also necessary(yet后面加一个补充, 说明传统和文化与表达的关系, 不然这两句又脱节了, yet they are not enough, when aiming to ....).

It is true that people's appearances and behaviors would reflect their attitudes and living conditions of a society. Purchasing beauty is the inherit character of every individual and the natural trend of a society, with people choosing their favorites according to their financial situations and contemporary fashions(with前后是并列关系, 等于分别解释attitudes和living conditions, 但with这个词给人感觉后面是附属或者解释, 因此需要变化下句型). When walking on the streets of the New York City, one may even (这词没必要, 没有跟哪里递进) have the illusion to sit near the T-stage, with charming models with various styles passing by(seeing charming models of various styles passing by, with这个词重复太多了), (这里可以断句了, 从事实到解释逻辑层次进了一步)which reflects American people's diverse interests, desire for uniqueness and fast economic development. Whereas in North Koreas, the similar style of most clothes people wears are mainly the consequence of less developed economics and resistance to accept new concepts(new concepts表达很笼统, 也没有说穿不同衣服就是接受新概念, 不如说朝鲜人都穿制服, 思想比较统一而刻板, 同时也受到经济制约, 之前你说态度和社会条件两个都是如此顺序这里就不该倒过来). As a matter of fact, plenty psychologies(psychologists?) have done numerous investigation about the relationship between people's dressings, behaviors and their personal characteristics, which are considered as Bibles for those who eager to gain experience in interpersonal relationship(这句话表达模糊, which指的是什么? 怎么又跳到人际交往经验了? 这里的出发点和前面不一致). Thus, there will be no denying that people's appearance could reflect the corresponding society's ideas due to their tight connection and the social environment.(因为你把ideas和values一直捆绑在一起, 之间又用了些差异比较大的单词替换, 造成论证的路线不是很清晰, 另外value这个词没有社会福利, 经济之类的意思, 应该更偏重于社会的价值观, 或者说评定社会总体取向, 这样来看和ideas其实是同一层面的东西
MW对value的解释:

1: a fair return or equivalent in goods, services, or money for something exchanged
2: the monetary worth of something : market price
3: relative worth, utility, or importance <a good value at the price> <the value of base stealing in baseball> <had nothing of value to say>
4: a numerical quantity that is assigned or is determined by calculation or measurement <let x take on positive values> <a value for the age of the earth>
5: the relative duration of a musical note
6 a: relative lightness or darkness of a color : luminosity b: the relation of one part in a picture to another with respect to lightness and darkness
7: something (as a principle or quality) intrinsically valuable or desirable <sought material values instead of human values— W. H. Jones>
8: denomination 2

看的出只有7能比较好的用在此题中, 其它解释都对不太上)

However, the way people look or act is not the only criteria to give judgment to either individual or the society.(作者没有说是only, 你这样表达就没有正面回应题目, 还不如说..has its limitation, meaning that we may have other alternatives when studying a society) As an old eastern saying goes, just as you cannot measure the volume of the seawater using a beaker, you cannot just give evaluation of an individual merely upon his appearance either.(先解释再举例, a society contains more information than appearance...前面的类比和建议并没有涉及到本质原因的层面) To look for examples, one doesn't need to go further but our indigenous scientists in the research field. YUAN Longping, father of hybrid rice in China, have done significant contribution to the production of rice by increasing their productivity. However, either when working in the field or giving talks at the conferences, he always has clean and decent clothes.(clean and decent跟有贡献矛盾么? simple and out-of-time这种还差不多) Also, in additional to the simple life he has, he donates most of his rewards into the development of agriculture of the country. It is exactly such attitude and his great achievements gain him enormous respect from both the public and worldwide scientists.(题目是从社会角度来讨论这个问题, 你选取的却是个人角度, 出发点不妥, 一定要说的话至少加一句: 社会上有很多这样的人, 包括科学家, 艺术家, 领导等等...我们不能通过他们的穿着去了解这个社会, 应该怎么着怎么着..而且这种矛盾到后面你也没解释清楚, 为什么不能凭外表) Thus in order to get a rational evaluation of a person or a society(a society没支持), information related to appearance is quite limited.

(这个不是moreover的问题, 前面在说一个的缺点, 后面将其它解决方法引入, 等于替代它, 这里就不要用这种不精确的引导词了, thus/consequently, we may turn to other accesses when facing such a paradox, 将其它途径跟题目途径并列并不能证明后者的无效或缺点, 只有进行比较, 建立它们的逻辑联系才能准确回应题目)Moreover, plenty of other aspects such as tracing history, understanding of the tradition and culture of a society are also indispensible to reveal the society's ideas and values. History reflects the formation of a society's cultures with plenty lasting rituals and ceremonies still held today in festivals to respect our past and express our wishes for the future. With advancement in technology and improvement of the society, traditional merits and charitable moral characters also play essential roles in keeping our moral standards and social harmony. For example, in the old Chinese story of four-year kongrong offering pears, he left larger pears to his bigger brothers and parents and took smaller one himself reflects Chinese tradition to respect the elder people. The wide spread and promotion of Confucianism also remind us to be grateful and thankful instead of chasing profits without any mercy considerations.(so? 别光顾着宣传传统美德, 注意说这种评价方式与外表的关系, 我们不能通过外表来获知这种了解, 所以还需要研究blah blah blah)

From the analysis above, it may be safe for us to draw a conclusion that the appearance and behaviors of people do reflect people's interests. However, it is not the only criteria for any judgment, people's moral characters as well as traditions and cultures of a society are also necessary for a thorough analysis.

总评: 需要注意发展/补充观点的表达方式, 如果只是很机械化的moreover就很容易跑题, 让人觉得加上那一段和文章没有关系, 你的出发点很有潜力, 完全可以由此发展出一篇很coherent的文章, 但在表达上却只有however, moreover这种词来连接, 段落间的过度, 段落主题句还可以好好推敲下.