CRACK 9T小组第八次作业---lizzy

lizzy1986UID: 2281654

writing(Personal philosophy):
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Most experiences in our lives that seemed difficult at the time become valuable lessons for the future. Use reasons and specific examples to support our answer.


We all have experienced tough time, such as we cannot address a math problem or have no method to understand the fundamental

principle of a experiment. And, when we look back upon all these experiences, most of them are valuable lessons for us.  

Primarily, They make us learn how to solve the problem during work and study quickly and independently. When I was a high school student, I did quite well in every subjects except physics. Every time I confronted a physics problem, my prior choice was to ask my teacher and classmates without sufficient and independent thought. Such diligent work did not result in final excellent score of the final examination in Grade One. At that time, I began to realize learn how to solve a problem or a complicated situation by one's own is the basic solution, and during the next term I experienced the period from completing homework twice times than my classmates to becoming a first-rate student in physics.   

Also, they offer us a opportunity to know which field is belonged to ourselves. My older brother used to an accountant five years ago, and he chose this job because of high-paid salary and my aunt's will. Although he graduated from the best university in china, he became the one who make most mistakes and took most time in the same amount of workload. My brother told me, the difficult time made him miserable and forced him to consider whether the field of finance and accounting is his interests. Now, my brother is a successful journalist who has composed a myriad of impressive and profound special report. Indeed, the time five years ago are the main impetus to make him pursue what he really wants.  

They make it easier for us to undergo difficult failure and smile to the hard time. Everyday experience tells us the first time is the most difficult to endure, while the second time, the third time, and the like will be much better. After the first failure, efforts or disappointment, we have adequately prepared in both physical and spiritual aspects for the next one, and that guarantees we can solve it better.

AW之后第一次写作文。有点痛苦。欢迎狠批。口语部分下午传上来。谢谢。;d:

[ 本帖最后由 lizzy1986 于 2007-7-31 11:14 编辑 ]

yeren7722UID: 2297829

好像没人给你改,我来帮你改好了:)
We all have experienced tough time, such as we cannot address a math problem or have no method to understand the fundamental

principle of a(n) experiment. And, when we look back upon all these experiences, most of them are valuable lessons for us.  

Primarily, They(they) make us learn how to solve the problem during work and study quickly and independently. When I was a high school student, I did quite well in every subjects except physics. Every time I confronted a physics(physical 好像好些?) problem, my prior choice was to ask my teacher and classmates without sufficient and independent thought. Such diligent work(感觉有点前后不对应哦,前面是without 说明你好懒哦:)...,这里又是diligent了) did not result in final(可以去掉一个嘛) excellent score of the final examination in Grade One. At that time, I began to realize learn how to solve a problem or a complicated situation by one's own is the basic solution(宾语从句里面有好像有点问题,how to solve ...is ..solution是不是重复?), and during the next term I experienced the period from completing homework twice times than my classmates to becoming a first-rate student in physics(这个from ..to..这个用法没见过,请确认..).   

Also, they offer us a(n) opportunity to know which field is belonged(belongs to) to ourselves. My older brother used to an accountant five years ago, and he chose this job because of high-paid salary and my aunt's will. Although he graduated from the best university in china(China.小写瓷器了哦), he became the one who make most mistakes and took most time in the same amount of workload. My brother told me, the difficult time made him miserable and forced him to consider whether the field of finance and accounting is his interests. Now, my brother is a successful journalist who has composed a myriad of impressive and profound special report(s). Indeed, the time five years ago are the main impetus to make him pursue what he really wants(这句话不通哦,time are the main impetus to..应该是experience吧?可以用个it 强调).  

They make it easier for us to undergo difficult failure and smile to the hard time. Everyday experience tells us the first time is the most difficult to endure, while the second time, the third time, and the like will be much better. After the first failure, efforts or disappointment, we have adequately prepared in both physical and spiritual aspects for the next one, and that guarantees we can solve it better

comments:1文章还是不错哈.论点和例子都可以.
2.某些句子结构上有点小问题,其它句子,词汇都不错.

开始可以参考一下模板,加油哈.

leadenskyUID: 2251888

We all have experienced tough time, such as we cannot address a math problem(这个例子太简单了) or have no method to understand the fundamental principle of a experiment. And, when we look back upon all these experiences, most of them are valuable lessons for us.  

Primarily, They make(help更好) us learn how to solve the problem during work and study quickly and independently. When I was a high school student, I did quite well in every subjects except physics. Every time I confronted a physics problem, my prior choice was to ask my teacher and classmates without sufficient and independent thought. Such diligent work(不能称之为diligent吧) did not result in final excellent score of the final examination in Grade One. At that time, I began to realize (that) learn how to solve a problem or(in) a complicated situation by one's own is the basic solution (to achieve a high socre), and during the next term I experienced the period from(of) completing homework twice times than my classmates to becoming a(become the) first-rate student in physics.   

Also, they offer us a opportunity to know which field is belonged to ourselves. My older brother used to (be) an accountant five years ago, and he chose this job because of high-paid salary and my aunt's will. Although he graduated from the best(one of the best) university(s) in china, he became the one who make most mistakes and took most time in the same amount of workload(犯错只能说是能力不行，而不能是自己不喜欢吧，一个人无论是否有兴趣，完成自己的工作是应该的). My brother told me, the difficult time made him miserable and forced him to consider whether the field of finance and accounting is his interests. Now, my brother is a successful journalist who has composed a myriad of impressive and profound special report. Indeed, the time five years ago are the main impetus(不能说是动力吧) to make him pursue what he really wants. (你的这个例子，主要是说选择出错了，但是以前那些经历也不能说是difficulites吧，我也说不清楚，反正感觉这个例子不好)

They(直接用difficult experience好点) make it easier for us to undergo difficult failure and smile to the hard time. Everyday experience tells us the first time is the most difficult to endure, while the second time, the third time, and the like will be much better. After the first failure, efforts or disappointment, we have adequately prepared in both physical and spiritual aspects for the next one(one指什么，failrue?, 应该是next time吧), and that guarantees we can solve it better.

结构上不错，但是第二个分论点不好，容易让人感觉到离题了。
有些小的错误，句式上可以更复杂一点。

lizzy1986UID: 2281654

断了两天网上来。谢谢师兄和组长修改。认真研究去了。:loveliness:

确实发现自己作文生了，句式刻意要简单些结果起反作用了,anyway，谢谢了，额继续努力：）

穿毛裤的鱼UID: 2203276

:mad :mad :mad