Argument65 奶酪....请指教...

cici0131UID: 2295793

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 -
The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

WORDS: 393          TIME: 上午 00:30:00          DATE: 2007-8-14

The arguer concludes that the stores should discontinue stocking imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses in order to make more profits. To support his claim, the arguer finds three claims: (1) The five best-selling cheeses at their newest store were all cheeses made by domestic factories,(2)the magazine which indicates a trend that domestic cheeses are more popular,(3)(which indicates) by reducing stocking domestic cheeses they can improve their profits. The statement seems to be logical; however, it does not bear much scunity.

   First, the evidence on the newest store should not be generalized without careful scuntion. Since the newest one may located right in Wisconsin, the prices may be lower due to the convenient transportation. Without given more evidence on the location of the store, I will not be convinced by it. Further more, is it represents the whole states condition?

   Second, the survey which was made by Cheeses of the World magazine is not convincing enough. The common sense tells us that the entire magazine is advocating for its major supporting industries. Considering the main advertising income of it comes form the domestic cheese enterprises, people will easily get the conclusion of why there is a trend indicated. We are familiar with the "healthy research " by the wise entrepreneur. Even assuming the survey is subjective, the trend's continuality should also be taken into consideration. For instance, the milk market may be stucked by the droughts which decrease the production and quality of grass for cows, in turn, the price and quality of the by-products of milk is decline as well. Such accident is possible, so the actual reason of the increasing domestic cheeses should be analyzed as well.

   Third, the arguer equals reducing stocking with profits. The profits come from many aspects, for instance, the management, the advertising process, the satisfaction of customers, and the actual sale of products. There is the possibility that although the sales of imported cheeses are fewer than domestic ones, however, the pure profits are higher than domestic ones. In addition, imagine, the arguer reduce the imported cheeses, however, the next year, customs ' needs for them increasing with the global milk market as I presume above which is very like to happen.

     Without providing the exact location and reprsentness of the newest store, the careful analyze of the decrease of imported cheeses , the actual management and profits of imported cheeses ,I will not convinced by this argument.


[ 本帖最后由 cici0131 于 2007-8-14 01:00 编辑 ]

地球的小星星UID: 2345848

The arguer concludes that the stores should discontinue stocking imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses in order to make more profits. To support his claim, the arguer finds three claims(只是惯用语么？有空告我）: (1) The five best-selling cheeses at their newest store were all cheeses made by domestic factories,(2)the magazine which indicates a trend that domestic cheeses are more popular,(3)(which indicates) by reducing stocking domestic cheeses they can improve their profits. The statement seems to be logical; however, it does not bear much scunity（scrutiny).

   First, the evidence on the newest store should not be generalized without careful scuntion. Since the newest one may located right in Wisconsin, the prices may be lower due to the convenient transportation. Without given more evidence on the location of the store, I will not be convinced by it. Further more, is it represents the whole states condition?(地区差异，不过最后一句有些突兀；论述可以在深入一些，说完了Wis再说我们的店是全国的啊，其他的地方情况不知道啊什么的）

   Second, the survey which was made by Cheeses of the World magazine is not convincing enough. The common sense tells us that the entire magazine is advocating for its major supporting industries.（这是既定事实么？） Considering the main advertising income of it comes form the domestic cheese enterprises, people will easily get the conclusion of why there is a trend indicated. We are familiar with the "healthy research " by the wise entrepreneur. Even assuming the survey is subjective, the trend's continuality should also be taken into consideration. For instance, the milk market may be stucked by the droughts which decrease the production and quality of grass for cows, in turn, the price and quality of the by-products of milk is decline as well. Such accident is possible, so the actual reason of the increasing domestic cheeses should be analyzed as well.（调查，奶牛的例子和TS不相符，这段最好就说调查不好，even if可以另起一段）

   Third, the arguer equals reducing stocking with profits. The profits come from many aspects, for instance, the management, the advertising process, the satisfaction of customers, and the actual sale of products. There is the possibility that although the sales of imported cheeses are fewer than domestic ones, however, the pure profits are higher than domestic ones.（为什么净利润高呢，比如进口奶酪口味好，广告好，销量高，BTW，你模板里的management和这些没关，可以因地制宜删掉） In addition, imagine, the arguer reduce the imported cheeses, however, the next year, customs ' needs for them increasing with the global milk market as I presume above which is very like to happen.（这句话比较牵强，如果题目里有提到未来怎么怎么样，你是要去攻击的，可是这里你自己却拿未来的事儿当论述，不是让人看了也想攻击了么，呵呵）

     Without providing the exact location and reprsentness of the newest store, the careful analyze of the decrease of imported cheeses , the actual management and profits of imported cheeses ,I will not convinced by this argument.


你的LS，个人意见，供你参看

cici0131UID: 2295793

先给星星鞠躬了~谢谢哈~  :)
这个拼写也被找出来,实在是汗啊,再谢一次~

finds three claims....呵呵,这个其实我也不知道怎么说,句型使用不熟练,想起来就拿来用了,可能是错的.
第一段你说突兀那句是最后想起来加上去的,所以就没展开,有理.下次注意
第二段的TS确实是需要改滴.可能扩大范围好点.
第三段我是想先从经营获利的大致点说一下,看哪篇文章分析说可能找几个词显得分析稍微深入的也有好处.然后从列举的点里再找一点明显批,净利润高的原因我好象是说的太少了... 至于最后一句话想表达的是跟第二段联系的,因为第二段分析了可能下一年进口奶酪市场又会回温,导致第三段里本店的进口奶酪也会随之受欢迎.思路大概是这样.但是表达上有问题所以显得很多余.