第一次上传自己的作文， 大家不遗余力的使劲拍啊

sunflower1207UID: 2318402

还有不久就要考试了，作文方面花的功夫太少了，紧张ING
第一次上传作文，大家使劲拍吧。
小女子这厢有礼了。:loveliness:

Nowadays, the quality of education is very low. Some people think that we should encourage our students to evaluate and criticize their teachers; others believe that this would result in a loss of respect and discipline in the classroom.
Discuss.

Nowadays, there is an increasing discussion on whether students should be encouraged to give feedback concerning about their teachers. As is known to us, the purpose of education is to cultivate excellent students. Therefore, students’ opinions play an essential role in teaching and studying.

For starters, students will be provided more chances to communicate with teachers under the scheme of evaluation. In China, it is always the case that what the students carry out is to follow the teachers’ instruction. There is little space for children to develop their ideas. This situation will lead to some bad effects. For example, some students who can’t catch up with other classmates may reluctant to speak out their needs for help, because they only have to do what they are told to. Therefore, I believe the feedback from students will enclose the relationship between students and teachers.

Furthermore, teachers will also gain some valueable information from students, which will improve their teaching skill as well as knowledge background. They are possible to explore other teaching methods to upgrade students’ academic achievement.

Moreover, school will benefit from this scheme as well. Nowadays, the competition between schools is more fierce than before. The scheme of evaluation which not only meets the students’ need but also improves teachers’ teaching level will have an influential impact on the quality of education. Hence, high reputation will be awarded to these schools.

Although there are numerous advantages , we can not deny the fact that there are some drawbacks. Some students may tend to show disrepect to teachers or disobey the rules of class. However, I hold the opinion that if students get a clear perspective to be a remarkable students in school, it is likely that they would like to coordinate with the evaluation.

All in all, I agree with the evaluation of teachers, because it brings about more advantages than adversities. I suggest that it should be introduced widespread.

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

seat taken
修改ing...

夜空的彼方UID: 159120

Nowadays, the quality of education is very low. Some people think that we should encourage our students to evaluate and criticize their teachers; others believe that this would result in a loss of respect and discipline in the classroom.
Discuss.

Nowadays, there is an increasing discussion on whether students should be encouraged to give feedback concerning about their teachers.[这句写的很好！] As is known to us, the purpose of education is to cultivate excellent students. Therefore, students’ opinions play an essential role in teaching and studying.[不错，一开始就摆明自己的观点！]

For starters, students will be provided more chances to communicate with teachers under the scheme of evaluation. In China, it is always the case that what the students carry out is to follow the teachers’ instruction. There is little space for children to develop their ideas. This situation will lead to some bad[bad这个词意思太宽泛了，在这里用表示”负面”的词，譬如negative,或adverse比较好些。] effects. For example, some students who can’t catch up with other classmates may reluctant to speak out their needs for help, because they only have to do what they are told to. Therefore, I believe the feedback from students will enclose the relationship between students and teachers.

Furthermore, teachers will also gain some valueable information from students, which will improve their teaching skill as well as knowledge background. They are possible to explore other teaching methods to upgrade students’ academic achievement.

Moreover, school will benefit from this scheme as well. Nowadays, the competition between schools is more fierce than before. The scheme of evaluation which not only meets the students’ need but also improves teachers’ teaching level will have an influential impact on the quality of education. Hence, high reputation will be awarded to these schools.[这里我觉得你与其说应该表扬这些学校以间接的表达你的态度，还不如直接说“因此，更显得这一措施的重要性”更好一些，写作的时候时刻记得呼应自己的主题。]

Although there are numerous advantages , we can not deny the fact that there are some drawbacks. Some students may tend to show disrepect to teachers or disobey the rules of class.[你在文章最后提到了这个drawback进行让步论证以突出你的论点是客观的，这一方法没错。但是，这个drawback的解决办法你却没有提及，这很危险，你不能保证考官一定认同你的观点，所以，我建议如果要让步论证的话，还是专门用一段来写，并且必须写出这个drawback为啥不是那么重要。] However, I hold the opinion that if students get a clear perspective to be a remarkable students in school, it is likely that they would like to coordinate with the evaluation. [很显然，这个办法太主观了，不可能解决你所提出的那个drawback，你前边写的都很好，但是在这里会失分的。]
All in all, I agree with the evaluation of teachers, because it brings about more advantages than adversities. I suggest that it should be introduced widespread.

总的来说，很不错的一篇task2作文！
思路很清晰，文笔也不错，基本的语法错误也控制的比较好！暂时只能帮你改到这些了！
加油！

[ 本帖最后由 夜空的彼方 于 2007-8-29 01:37 编辑 ]

GriSSom.ZZXUID: 2234108

(Something is so wrong with my keyboard that I have to make some notes in English once a while. Awkward as it is, I hope this is a little bit helpful for you.)

Nowadays, there is an increasing discussion on whether students should be encouraged to give feedback concerning (about->\) their teachers. As (is->\) known to us, the purpose of education is to cultivate excellent students. Therefore, students’ opinions play an essential role in teaching (and studying->\).

(Clearly present your standpoint)

(For starters->To begin with?), students will be provided more chances to communicate with teachers under the scheme of evaluation. In China, it is always the case that what the students carry out is to follow the teachers’ instruction. There is little space for children to develop their ideas. This situation will lead to some bad effects. For example, some students who can’t catch up with other classmates may (^be) reluctant to speak out their needs for help, because they only have to do what they are told to. Therefore, I believe the feedback from students will (enclose->close) the relationship between students and teachers.


(Structure is good, and it will be bettered if you elaborate the example in a way more closely-related to the topic.)

Furthermore, teachers will also gain some valuable information from students (^by accepting the opinions from those they enlighten), which will improve their teaching skill as well as knowledge background. They are possible to explore other teaching methods to upgrade students’ academic achievement. (For example…)

(The topic requires a discussion on why the quality of education could be boosted. So, I think it might be appropriate to add the example to further unfold your view on this issue. After all, this passage is a little bit simple compared to your first body)

Moreover, (school->schools) will benefit from this scheme as well. Nowadays, the competition between schools is (more fierce->fiercer) than before. The (scheme->system?) of evaluation which not only meets the students’ need but also improves teachers’ teaching level will have an influential impact on the quality of education. Hence, high reputation will be awarded to these schools.


(Whether the “reputation of schools” has anything to do with the things required discussing by the topic is open to doubt. Extending your argument to as far as the relationship between the quality of education and the evaluation is enough. )

Although there are numerous advantages (^with the aid of such evaluation), we can not deny the fact that there are some drawbacks. Some students may tend to show disrespect to teachers or disobey the rules of class (Why? It’s one of the essential arguments that should be dwelled on. It's kind of that you regard it as a fact). However, I hold the opinion that if students get a clear perspective to be (a->\) remarkable students in school, it is likely that they would like to (coordinate with the evaluation->view such evaluation of their teachers more as a way to enhance the quality of education than the outlet to express their disobedience).


(I suggest that you combine the second part of this body, beginning with the “However”, with your last paragraph as the conclusion that you favor the evaluation system. And you extend your first part of the body a little bit more.)

All in all, I (agree with->favor) the evaluation of teachers, because it brings about more advantages than (adversities->disadvantages?). I suggest that it should be introduced (widespread->widespreadly).

(In general, you’re okay in your phrases and sentences, and the transition part of your first body is very good. Pay a little more attention to your scheming of the whole passage.)


[ 本帖最后由 GriSSom.ZZX 于 2007-8-29 12:00 编辑 ]

sunflower1207UID: 2318402

谢谢楼上两位了。逻辑和例证方面确实欠考虑了。不过写着写着就觉得develop ideas logically 好难啊。再问下大家，这个题目里面的discuss both sides，讨论两种观点的篇幅需要差不多么，象我这样第二个观点讨论的太少会有很大影响么。

forbeckUID: 2297645

大家好快，下午我也看两篇~~嘻嘻哈哈~~~:)

futuremanUID: 2327059

发作文请在这里留下链接，有加分
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-724783-1-1.html
同时热心板油会给你修改
如果需要菠萝修改请在这里留下链接https://bbs.gter.net/thread-729183-1-1.html
同时欢迎你组成互改小组帮助别人改作文（有加分啊），从而学习别人的长处，更快的提高自己咯:loveliness:

[ 本帖最后由 futureman 于 2007-8-29 16:26 编辑 ]

forbeckUID: 2297645

Nowadays, there is an increasing discussion on whether students should be encouraged to give feedback concerning about省略 their teachers. As is known to us, the purpose of education is to cultivate excellent students. Therefore, students’ opinions play an essential role in teaching and studying.最好在不上一句明确的观点，不要太含蓄咯

For starters这是最为初学者解释吗？和后边的衔接很勉强。过渡得也太突兀了, students will be provided more chances to communicate with teachers under the scheme of evaluation. In China, it is always the case that what the students carry out is to follow the teachers’ instruction. There is little space for children to develop their ideas. This situation will lead to some bad这个词过于简单了 effects. For example, some students who can’t catch up with other classmates may reluctant to speak out their needs for help, because they only have to do what they are told to. Therefore, I believe the feedback from students will enclose /closethe relationship between students and teachers.

Furthermore, teachers will also gain some valueable information from students, which will improve their teaching skill as well as knowledge background. They are possible to explore other teaching methods to upgrade students’ academic achievement.和上段的论证比起来论证显得很淡薄，应该是缺了论据原因

Moreover, schools will benefit from this scheme as well. Nowadays, the competition between schools is more fierce/fiercer than before. The scheme of evaluation which not only meets the students’ need but also improves teachers’ teaching level will have an influential impact on the quality of education. Hence, high reputation will be awarded to these schools.和大家的观点一样，这个reputation在教学过程中有什么用呢？可以考虑换一个角度讨论

Although there are numerous advantages , we can not deny the fact that there are some drawbacks. 过渡得好Some students may tend to show disrepect to teachers or disobey the rules of class. However, I hold the opinion that if students get a clear perspective to be a 去掉remarkable students in school, it is likely that they would like to coordinate with the evaluation. 在这种单一观点的文章里，可以提出drawback，不过，最好能提出solution，但是这样一来，就要占用很大篇幅的文字，很容易和题目的目的Discuss有所出入的

All in all, I agree with the evaluation of teachers, because it brings about more advantages than adversities？. I suggest that it should be introduced widespread/widespreadly.

建议：
1、总的来说，首尾段呼应的不错
2、中间部分比较客观，但最好调整下顺序，是文章逻辑性更强~~
3、考试的时候，字数以250-280为佳

forbeckUID: 2297645

我替他链接过了，每天上寄托先干的就是像老鼠一样到处找新作文:o

sunflower1207UID: 2318402

for starters 就是首先，开始的意思，北京XDF一托福作文老师说是一种比较地道的用法

GriSSom.ZZXUID: 2234108

MB-online上面查到了，确实for starters:to begin with
...改作文果然也能学到东西...

forbeckUID: 2297645

:loveliness: 我也学到了

楼上的好心人，中文输入有正常咯？;d: