Argument216【0806G-Sunbird小组】第五次作业

Bellona0428UID: 2418798

TOPIC: ARGUMENT216 - The following appeared in a magazine article about planning for retirement.

"Because of its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate, Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire. As a bonus, housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly during the past year, and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. Nevertheless, Clearview's mayor promises many new programs to improve schools, streets, and public services. Retirees in Clearview can also expect excellent health care as they grow older, since the number of physicians in the area is far greater than the national average."
WORDS: 471      TIME: 长~~~       DATE: 2007-11-24

In this argument, the author recommends that Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire. To support this recommendation, the author points out that housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. The author also points out some other improvement of Clearview on school, environment, public services and health care. Careful scrutiny of these evidence, however, reveals that none of them lends to a logical reason.

To begin with, the author are failing consider other possibility that Clearview have fallen significantly and real estate taxes were lower than those in neighboring towns. It is entirely possible that the measure to decrease housing value so significantly during the past year just attribute to the highest costs of housing in surrounding regions. It is also possible that the measure, relative lower taxes of real estate than their neighboring towns, aims at promoting a big sale for more high costs house. Moreover, its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate are not the vital factor for people seeking a place to retire, when people have to balance their economic condition. Without ruling out the evidence, the author cannot convince me that seeking a house in Clearview is a good choice.

Further, even if the Clearview has a relative lower price and taxes of real estate than those in neighboring towns, the author's promise built on an unreasonable assumption that new programs to improve school, street and public service could supply retirees a rather comfortable and convinces surroundings. Perhaps, the programs might be only conductive to improve this local's worse municipal construction and public service, yet be a less beneficial to increase the overall elder people's quality of life. To convince me, the argument should show a project on retirees' service system, such as elderly nursing homes, elderly cultural club, and healthy club, to assure the new programs are more conductive to retirees.

Finally, the great number of physicians in this area are not necessarily proved that their medial standards and medial facilities are far excellent than the national average. Perhaps, the physicians play a less role in the elderly health care. Or perhaps, there are more physicians in Clearview, but less geriatrist and paramedic that senile men are urgent need. Besides, the health care should not only supply physical care, but also draw more attention on offering a harmony and affection circumstances to let them enjoy a finial piety from youngster.

In conclusion, the author fails to validate the conclusion that the Clearview should be a top choice for seeking a place to retire. To solidify the argument, the author should provide more further information about what programs should be provided for promote elder people’s quality and the constitution of the doctors and paramedics. Otherwise, the argument is logically unacceptable.

zxxx2972UID: 2367399

先占坐， 修改下午贴上

zxxx2972UID: 2367399

In this argument, the author recommends that Clearview should be a top choice for anyone seeking a place to retire. To support this recommendation, the author points out that housing costs in Clearview have fallen significantly and real estate taxes remain lower than those in neighboring towns. The author also points out some other improvement of Clearview on school, environment, public services and health care. Careful scrutiny of these evidence, however, reveals that none of them lends to a logical reason.

To begin with, the author are failing consider other possibility that Clearview have fallen significantly and real estate taxes were lower than those in neighboring towns.（这里的从句接的有问题，改下） It is entirely possible that the measure to decrease housing value so significantly during the past year just attribute to the highest costs of housing in surrounding regions.（这里的句子结构也太乱） It is also possible that the measure, relative lower taxes of real estate than their neighboring towns, aims at promoting a big sale for more high costs house. Moreover, its spectacular natural beauty and consistent climate are not（换成may not be吧，话不要说绝对了） the vital factor for people seeking a place to retire, when people have to balance their economic condition. Without ruling out the evidence, the author cannot convince me that seeking a house in Clearview is a good choice.

Further, even if the Clearview has a relative lower price and taxes of real estate than those in neighboring towns, the author's promise （is） built on an unreasonable assumption that new programs to improve school, street and public service could supply retirees a rather comfortable and convinces surroundings. Perhaps, the programs might be only conductive to improve this local's worse municipal construction and public service, yet be a less beneficial to increase the overall elder people's quality of life. To convince me, the argument should show a project on retirees' service system, such as elderly nursing homes, elderly cultural club, and healthy club, to assure the new programs are more conductive to retirees.

Finally, the great number of physicians in this area are not necessarily proved that their medial standards and medial facilities are far（far可以这样用吗？） excellent than the national average. Perhaps, the physicians play a less (important) role in the elderly health care. Or perhaps, there are more physicians in Clearview, but less geriatrist and paramedic that senile men are urgent need. Besides, the health care should not only supply physical care, but also draw more attention on offering a harmony and affection circumstances to let them enjoy a finial piety from youngster.（这个没有想到，学习了）

In conclusion, the author fails to validate the conclusion that the Clearview should be a top choice for seeking a place to retire. To solidify the argument, the author should provide more further information about what programs should be provided for promote elder people’s quality and the constitution of the doctors and paramedics. Otherwise, the argument is logically unacceptable.

逻辑清楚。论证充分，不错的一篇。语言上还是有些小问题。改进下。

tyddUID: 2351248

In thisargument, the author recommends that Clearview should be a top choicefor anyone seeking a place to retire. To support this recommendation,the author points out that housing costs in Clearview have fallensignificantly and real estate taxes remain lower than those inneighboring towns. The author also points out some other improvement ofClearview on school, environment, public services and health care(与题中表意有出入).Careful scrutiny of these evidence（s）, however, reveals that none of themlends to a logical reason.

To beginwith, the author are failing（failed to） consider other possibility（es） that Clearviewhave fallen significantly and real estate taxes were（are） lower than thosein neighboring towns. It is entirely possible that the measure todecrease housing value so significantly during the past year justattribute to the highest costs of housing in surrounding regions.（感觉这个理由反驳力度不大,确实语法问题也很大） It isalso possible that the measure, （这个句子写的有问题，语法。还有后面不能讲是measure）relative lower taxes of real estatethan their neighboring towns, aims at promoting a big sale for morehigh costs house. Moreover, its spectacular natural beauty andconsistent climate are not （will not be）the vital factor for people seeking a placeto retire, when people have to balance their economic condition（分析的很好这里）.Without ruling out the evidence(possibilities), the author cannot convince me thatseeking a house in Clearview is a good choice.

Further,even if the Clearview has a relative lower price and taxes of realestate than those in neighboring towns, (逗号前后两句没让步逻辑关系)the author's promise (is)built onan unreasonable assumption that new programs to improve school, streetand public service could supply retirees a rather comfortable andconvinces surroundings. Perhaps, the programs might be only conductiveto improve this local's worse municipal construction and publicservice, yet be a去掉 less beneficial to increase the overall elderpeople's quality of life. To convince me, the argument（改成author） should show  aproject on retirees' service system, such as elderly nursing homes（要买房就不需要这个了）,elderly cultural club, and healthy club, to assure the new programs aremore去掉 conductive to retirees.

Finally,the great number of physicians in this area are not necessarily proved（indicate）that their medial standards and medial facilities are far 少more excellentthan the national average. Perhaps, the physicians play a less role inthe elderly health care. Or perhaps, there are more physicians inClearview, but less geriatrists and paramedics that senile men are urgentin need. Besides, the health care should not only supply physical care,but also draw more attention on offering a harmony and affectioncircumstances to let them enjoy a finial piety from youngster.

Inconclusion, the author fails to validate the conclusion that theClearview should be a top choice for seeking a place to retire. Tosolidify the argument, the author should provide more furtherinformation about what programs should be provided for promote elderpeople’s （living ）quality and the constitution of the doctors and paramedics.Otherwise（用otherwise 这句话就多余了。换In a word）, the argument is logically unacceptable.


优点哦就不说了啊～
一起加油～


[ 本帖最后由 tydd 于 2007-11-27 00:01 编辑 ]

Bellona0428UID: 2418798

嘿嘿~~~小女在这里感谢两位的修改~~~