issue38 第一次完成,马上要考了,请高手多多指教!

waterpansyUID: 2428068

TOPIC: ISSUE38 - "In the age of television, reading books is not as important as it once was. People can learn as much by watching television as they can by reading books."
第一次写,写了一个多小时,请大家拍砖!

When I was a child, my favorite friends, varying in types and contents, provided a large amount of knowledge which constructed several magic worlds for me: Whiter Snow, little Mermaid, and Peter Pan, books brought them into my life and left these inestimable treasures in my memory which appeared a little poor compared with my cousin whose magic world composed with activated imagine of these creatures by advanced technology-television.

Television made its first serious appearance in 1939 and achieved its popularity in later 1980’s. Since then, innumerable children have grown up in front of TV set, more and more people now consider it as the major “reader” in this new era: without taking a step forward, we can have a wonderful journey of everywhere from TV set; without imaginations, we can see a real “dinosaur” made by computer on TV set; without pay for anything, we can enjoy ourselves from the high quality of a new year concert, also, on TV set. At this point, television provides us more acceptable, more directly and more plentiful information rather than books do.

As consequences of the profit that television could afford us, television also has its disadvantages. Whole generations are growing up addicted to the TV set, they are so punctual to waste one single minute planned on seeking the pleasure in TV that they will stick their eyes as possible on TV screen-which could be better in future upon the continual development of technology, even forgetting their still unfinished homeworks, fortunately, their parents remember that and they become more serious toward television as a one-eyed monster, they are so scared of this advanced tech-product and afraid what it will look be, do more modern means keep it a lure for children?

While, I agree with the benefits televisions should provide—a large amount of immediate information available associated with increasing globalization, however, the bad sides along with TV set is also pressing. First, television connects to hundreds of channels for free choosing, people often hard to switch from entertainment programs to education ones which showing little amusement. Moreover, television’ plentiful information mainly instantaneous in a short moment available for people who only the passive receiver instead of a active master, too many messages carried on immediately to understand once at a time, but most television does not give additional service to trace the lost messages, of course, people can access anything they want to know through the internet -another marvelous product of high-speed technology, without addicted in this wonderful world “again”! Final, television will affect our health in some ways, when people contribute more and more time on TV set, which return us a pair of short-sight eyes on the contrary.

I believe that my cousin will enjoy better the high technology-product’s fruits, but I am afraid that, compared with me, he can seldom experience the pleasure of reading genuine books.

穿着拖鞋追你UID: 2375959

首先声明，我绝不是高手，不过发表意见应该算不得多余吧！
看了一下，感觉风格有点。。。。。。文章看了半天始终没有你的明确的观点，赞成或反对，或保留性的赞成或反对，我想这是不是我们中文的思路啊，比较含蓄。到第3段时我以为你会赞成，可到第4段你又说起缺点来了。当然在第三段中你在最后提到缺点了，通过例子来指出的，可我想一段中不应该有两种完全不同的观点的。我个人认为，一段有鲜明的观点再辅以恰当的例子，这样可能会显得干净利落！且应该在文章一开始表明自己的观点，明确的。（个人想法啊，不知对不对哦！）
还有一点就是词组搭配应该要多注意下，还有一些低级错误！
我也刚刚写了一篇，你也帮忙看一下啊！呵呵，谢谢咯！多提意见啊！

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

[ 本帖最后由 穿着拖鞋追你 于 2007-12-18 19:03 编辑 ]