Issue48【Aero小组】第2次作业

houyanchunUID: 2432949

ISSUE 48"The study of history places too much emphasion individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."

Viewing back the overall development and improvement history of human beings, a great number of eminent names, raging from brilliant political leaders to genius artists, have come into our mind immediately, obviously, in most of us opinion, those famous persons are seemed as mark of their time due to their great improvement to society so that we could better understand the statement of a civilization and society by study these individuals. However, it is no wise for us to overlook groups of people who have contributed themselves to write the document of history for they are the strong driven source of development of society and have made the ideas or plans from those few leaders true so that creating marvelous history..
Admittedly, the role of eminent leaders on history is vital for whole human's society development and improvement. Considering the political, if some one of us mentions the nation of "India", the great name "Gandhi" emerge to mind for his proposition "satyagraha and non-violence”, which are viewed as having determined the destination of whole race and nation, so that he is called "Father” of India by almost every ordinary Indian. Obviously, a principle or policy of powerful leaders would involve a huge hurricane for a nation, even affecting those unborn when it comes to military. The war no matter what it is, every demand of conductor will relate with the life of solider and the final result indicates winner would attain the right of freedom and punishment to others. Thus, their offspring will get relative rights or enjoy the benefit produced by their ancestor. According to this, the affection of leaders can never be estimated. Furthermore, those few supreme people have ability to attract most of people’s attention on them. Take the example of election. Those candidates, like businessman using advertisement to sell their production, exert their all kinds of tactics to draw the attention of electors such as welfare policy in order to make themselves under the centre of focusing of populace so that almost of them maintain their name on history, rather than the populace of that time. To some degree, the few famous individuals who are studied concentrated by researchers indeed deserve to be focused on for their great capacity of leading and tactics by later generation.
However, the creation and written of history is not only by those famous individuals while groups of people have constituted and filled vividly history with various achievements and demonstrate the development trend of society. It is no hard to assume that if without the groups of people who insist and act on the no-violence activities, even thought the principle is very successful in the future, we could not see a freedom India emancipating from British colonization so that Gandhi have not studied by later researchers. Also, we do not know those great militarists without the great number of soldiers to fight on the battlefield. To some extent, groups of people are great practitioners and initial source. So, it is able for us to thought the real civilization of a society attained on history due to the wisdom and contributions of groups of people. Concerning the impressed architectures, The Great Wall own famous of world by the surprised length, harden wall and arduous work which are over the limitation of people's ability during the time. Who have born it? It is populace certainly though someone designed it. Moreover, more groups of people are, more powerful to create while one is small even though he is so excellence. It is possible to say that the most significant events and trends in history were made by groups of people.

In order to understand the overall history of human beings, we should learn not only those significant individual who have instructed the direction of development of history, but also the group of people who take the ideas true and are the initial source of improvement of history. Only places too much emphasis on individuals would veil our vision to acquire really understand of history.

m2zhyUID: 2440721

标记：红色表示我认为有疑问的句子和词；蓝色是我的批示和修改或者建议；桃红色表示自己的综合见解和感想~


Viewing back the overall development and improvement history of human beings, a great number of eminent names, raging from brilliant political leaders to genius artists, have come into our mind immediately, ( Don’t you think it should be a dot instead of the comma here?) obviously, in most of us opinion, those famous persons are seemed as mark of their time due to their great improvement to society so that we could better understand the statement of a civilization and society by studying these individuals. However, it is no wise for us to overlook groups of people who have contributed themselves to write the document of history  forthey are the strong driven source of development of society and have made the ideas orplans fromthose few leaders come true so that creating marvelous history. ( This sentence is too long and complicated to express your ideas clearly. So I suggest dividing it to two parts. Like this, “However, it is no wise for us to overlook groups of people who have contributed themselves to write the document of history. Because they are the strong driven source of development of society to make the ideas and plans of those few leaders come true and create marvelous history.” What do you think so? ) ( ------ A great entry paragraph with clearly idea about the issue. 赞一个~ )

Admittedly, the role of eminent leaders on history is vital for whole human's society development and improvement. Considering the political, if some one of us mentions the nation of "India", the great name "Gandhi" emerge to mind for his proposition "satyagraha and non-violence”, which are viewed as having determined the destination of whole race and nation, so that he is called "Father” of India by almost every ordinary Indian. (精彩的长句,内容丰富,句式多变. 赞!) Obviously, a principle or policy of powerful leaders would involve a huge hurricane for a nation, even affecting [affect] those unborn when it comes to military. The war no matter what it is, every demand of conductor (I didn’t understand it here. @,@ ) will relate with the life of solider and the final result indicates winner would attain the right of freedom and punishment to others. Thus, their offspring will get relative rights or enjoy the benefit produced by their ancestors. According to this, the affection of leaders can never be estimated. Furthermore, those few supreme people have ability to attract most of people’s attention on them. Take the example of election. Those candidates, (Taking the election for example, those candidates,) like businessman using advertisement to sell their production, exert their all kinds of tactics to draw the attention of electors, such as welfare policy, in order to make themselves under the centre of focusing of populace, so that almost of them maintain their name on history, rather than the populace of that time. (The sentence is so long that I have to divide to several parts to read. I am not sure if it is much better while adding some comma inside it.) To some degree, the few famous individuals who are studied concentrated by researchers indeed deserve to be focused on for their great capacity of leading and tactics by later generation. ( I haven’t got the meaning. @,@ )   ( A point with perspicuous argument, and profuse words and syntax. 大赞~ )

However, the creation and written of history is not only by those famous individuals while groups of people have constituted and filled vividly history with various achievements and demonstrate [demonstrated] the development trend of society. (承上启下，太到位了~ 赞! ) It is no hard to assume that if without the groups of people who insist and act on the no-violence activities, even thought the principle is very successful in the future, we could not see a freedom India emancipating from British colonization so that Gandhi have not studied by later researchers. Also, we do not know those great militarists without the great number of soldiers to fight on the battlefield. To some extent, groups of people are great practitioners and initial source. So, it is likely ( Is it more reasonable by adding a word ‘likely’? ) able for us to thought the real civilization of a society attained on history due to the wisdom and contributions of groups of people. Concerning the impressed architectures, The[the] Great Wall own famous of world by the surprised length, harden wall and arduous work which are over the limitation of people's ability during the time. Who have born[borne] it? It is populace certainly though someone designed it. Moreover, more groups of people are, more powerful to create while one is small even though he is so excellence. It is possible to say that the most significant events and trends in history were made by groups of people.  ( Two examples support the point from different angles. Wonderful! But the illustration for groups, which is the Great Wall example, seems simpler than the individuals’. )( 分析的太有道理了,我都服了 ^_^  )

In order to understand the overall history of human beings, we should learn not only those significant individual who have instructed the direction of development of history, but also the group of people who take the ideas true and are the initial source of improvement of history. Only places[placing] too much emphasis on individuals would veil our vision to acquire really understand of history.   ( 简单有力的总结,赞!)

总评：豪不夸张的说，若要我打分，肯定给6分啦~
      不过还是想骨头里挑挑刺！嘿嘿~ 从总体上看，文章论证individuals的篇幅还是显的略重于groups，这与文章首段论点中的让步关系不是那么的百分百的吻合。建议在论证大众塑造历史的时候，是不是可以稍稍多一点篇幅，这样可以让文章显的更加完美，文章整体结构上也更和谐，是不是呢？
       语言上，就本人目前的水平，相对于楼主来讲，是提不出太有价值的建议来的啦~ 惭愧啊~ @,@  不过还是绞尽脑汁的挑了挑刺，希望还是能给楼主一些帮助。




[ 本帖最后由 m2zhy 于 2007-12-22 19:12 编辑 ]

wizardzUID: 2268761

Viewing back the overall development and improvement (名词修饰名词慎用？) history of human beings, a great number of eminent names, raging from brilliant political leaders to genius artists, have come into our mind immediately, obviously, . Obviously in most of us our opinion, those famous persons people are seemed viewed as mark marks of their time due to their great improvement contribution/improvement made to society so that we could better understand the statement situation/status? of a civilization and society by study studying these individuals. However, it is no wise for us to overlook groups of people who have contributed themselves to write the document of history to creating history for they are the strong driven source driving force of the development of society and have made the ideas or plans from those few leaders true come true/realized so that creating marvelous history建议删去.
Admittedly, the role of eminent leaders on in history is vital for whole human's society development and improvement the development and improvement of the whole human society. Considering the political politics?, if some one of us mentions the nation of "India", the great name "Gandhi" emerges to mind for his proposition "satyagraha and non-violence”, which are viewed as having determined the destination of whole race and nation, and so that he is called "Father” of India by almost every ordinary Indian. Obviously, a principle or policy of powerful leaders would involve trigger/evoke? a huge hurricane for a nation, even affecting those unborn when it comes to military. In a The war, no matter what it is, every demand command of conductor will relate with the life of solider and the final result that indicates decides winner would attain the right of freedom and punishment to others. 这句话问题比较大Thus, their offspring will get relative rights or enjoy the benefit produced by their ancestor. According to this, the affection of leaders can never be estimated. Furthermore, those few supreme people have the ability to attract most of people’s attention on them. Take the example of election没主语句子慎用. Those candidates, like businessman using advertisement to sell their production, exert their all kinds ofall kinds of their tactics to draw the attention of electors such as welfare policy in order to make themselves under the centre of focusing of populace so that almost of them maintain their name on history, rather than the populace of that time. 这句话看得实在有点晕To some degree, the few famous individuals who are studied concentrated extensively by researchers indeed deserve to be focused on for their great capacity of leading and employing tactics tactics by later generation.
However, the creation and written of history is not only by those famous individuals while as groups of people have constituted and filled vividly history with various achievements and demonstrate demonstrated the development trend of society. It is no hard to assume imagine that if without without the groups of people who insisted and acted on the no-violence activities, even thought the principle is very successful in the future,? we could not see a freedom free India emancipating being emancipated from British colonization so that Gandhi have not studied by later researchers. Also, we do not know those great militarists without the great number of soldiers to fight on the battlefield. To some extent, groups of people are great practitioners and initial source. So, it is able for us we are able to thought? the real civilization of a society attained on history due to the wisdom and contributions of groups of people. Concerning the impressed impressive architectures, The Great Wall own famous of world by the surprised length, hardened wall and arduous work which are over the limitation of people's ability during the time. Who have born it built it? It is populace certainly though someone designed it. Moreover, more groups of people are, more powerful to create while one is small even though he is so excellence. It is possible to say that the most significant events and trends in history were made by groups of people.

In order to understand the overall history of human beings, we should learn not only those significant individuals who have instructed the direction of development of history, but also the group of people who take the ideas true and are the initial source of improvement of history. Only places placing too much emphasis on individuals would veil our vision obscure our vision to acquire really understand of history.

我觉得内容和分析过程值得学习，但对语法和长句的运用还需要下些功夫，
我的评介肯定没m2zhy这么高，如有不当请指正