Argument3 (0806G-AW小组), 第一次作业 by lilumilu

lilumiluUID: 2332310

TOPIC: ARGUMENT3 - The following appeared in a newspaper article about law firms in the city of Megalopolis.

正文：485 words
"In Megalopolis, the number of law school graduates who went to work for large, corporate firms declined by 15 percent over the last three years, whereas an increasing number of graduates took jobs at small, general practice firms. Even though large firms usually offer much higher salaries, law school graduates are choosing to work for the smaller firms most likely because they experience greater job satisfaction at smaller firms. In a survey of first-year students at a leading law school, most agreed with the statement that earning a high salary was less important to them than job satisfaction. This finding suggests that the large, corporate firms of Megalopolis will need to offer graduates more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of hours they must work."


To attract more and better law school graduates, the arguer suggests that the large, corporate firms of Megalopolis should offer graduates more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of hours on work. The suggestion, at first glance, seems to be well-reasoned with the evidence that most of first-year students in a survey agreed that job satisfaction was more important than a high salary while the assumption. However, when asking some further questions, several flaws will inevitably appear.

The number of law school graduates joining large, corporate firms declined by 15 percents in last three years can not conclude that law school graduates were no willing to join large firms. There are several causes to lead to this situation, such as a decreasing requirement of law school graduates, a higher standard of joining a large firms or an increasing number of law school graduates selecting a further education, etc. With different reasons, there are different solutions. Only offering more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of work hours, in some conditions, maybe is not the best solution.

Another thing needed to be considered carefully is the survey of first-year students, which fail to strongly support the conclusion on graduates. It is obvious that differences between first-year students and graduates are great. The first-year students may only have a partial view on whole thing rather than the graduates can have a general view. The graduates experience more and are more mature than these freshmen. The most important think is that the graduates are the persons going to take job, not first-year students, however, blind to this point, any conclusions can not get the correct answer. If the arguer can give some information on graduates' choices on job satisfaction and a high salary, the evidence can be more convictive.

Finally, the arguer assume that offer more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of work hours may enhance the job satisfaction, who ignores some other factors. The work circumstance, the opportunities to promote, the work pressure, the interpersonal relationship are equal with the benefits and incentives in firms. The large firms may have complicated relations or heavy pressure on work comparing with some small firms, which can make graduates choose the later one. Before making the conclusion, the arguer needs to clarify what the advantages and disadvantages of the large firms are comparing with small firms.

To sum up, the conclusion lack credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not effectively support to what the arguer maintains and the arguer make a hasty generalization without a complete consideration. The idea that offer more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of work hours may be a helpful one in some condition, but perhaps not the most important and essential factors. Some work need to be done in order to make the conclusion more convictive, which may help large firms attract more and better graduates.



[ 本帖最后由 lilumilu 于 2008-1-4 22:27 编辑 ]

ZZCZ_BishopUID: 2403776

自己写的不怎么样，还给别人评，真是不好意思啊
不过在怎么样，也得上啊～～

To attract more and better law school graduates, the arguer suggests that the largecorporate firms of Megalopolis should offer graduates more benefits and incentives andreduce the number of hours on work. The suggestion, at first glance, seems to be well-reasoned with the evidence that most of（多余？） first-year students in a survey agreed that job satisfaction was more important than a high salary while the assumption（有点奇怪，写的什么？）. However, when asking some further questions, several flaws will inevitably appear.The number of law school graduates joining large, corporate firms declined by 15 percents in last three years can not conclude（应该是被动时态，要不就是we can not conclude）that law school graduates were no (not) willing to join large firms. (加上maybe 会更好)There are several causes to lead to this situation(感觉有点奇怪，改成several causes which lead to….，或者用另外一种说法更好，比如there are several causes which should be responsible for this situation. 另外我不知道这里用situation是否合适，因为我自己也不懂…), such as a decreasing requirement of law school graduates, a higher standard of joining a large firms or an increasing number of law school graduates selecting a further education, etc.（这里应该就1到2点深入展开，尽量要具体一点，不然体现咱的critic thinking呢？） With different reasons, there are different solutions. Only offering more benefits and incentives and reduce（reducing） the number of work hours, in some conditions, maybe is not the best solution.（这一段的结尾有点跑题，这一段说明的是可能有其他的原因的导致这个decline，因此在结尾的时候应该提到也许这个decline并不是作者所说那个原因所造成，而可能是由于其他的xx原因。个人感觉这个结尾放在最后第三点的最后还挺合适的）Another thing needed to be considered carefully is the survey of first-year students, which fail to strongly support the conclusion on graduates（这个说法有点奇怪，与研究生有关的结论，我觉得另一个表达也不错：support the graduates related conclusion.） It is obvious that differences between first-year students and graduates are great. The first-year students may only have a partial view on (缺了冠词 the) whole thingrather than the graduates can have a general view（前面少了一个who？can也可以不要）. The graduates experience more and are more mature than these freshmen. The most important think（think看不懂，要用也是ing） is that the graduates are the persons going to take job（s）, not first-year students, however, blind to this point, any conclusions can not get the correct answer.（这段感觉有点混乱，看不懂。麻烦作者解释一下先？）If the arguer can give some information on（后面还有一个on，连用两个有点不妥，改成about好一点）graduates' choices on job satisfaction and a high salary（这里提到high salary，可是它是job satisfaction的一种啊，不是并列的关系）, the evidence can be more convictive.Finally, the arguer assume（s） that offer more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of work hours may enhance the job satisfaction, who ignores some other factors（这个从句不是很通顺，改成however, he ignores some other factors.）The work circumstance(工作环境，用working environment比较好), the opportunities to promote, the work（ing？）pressure, the interpersonal relationship are equal with the benefits and incentives in firms. The large firms may have complicated relations or heavy pressure on work comparing with some small firms, which（这个which的指代感觉不是很明确，看到后面的latter one才知道指的是relation and pressure，可是不看后面就觉得是small firms）can make graduates choose the later（后者，latter）one. Before making the conclusion, the arguer needs to clarify what the advantages and disadvantages of the large firms are comparing with small firms.（这段讲的是job satisfaction到底是虾米，最后结尾说这个advantage, disadvantage不是很恰当）To sum up, the conclusion lack credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not effectively support to（多余了？）what the arguer maintains and the arguer make a hasty generalization without a complete consideration. The idea that offer more benefits and incentives and reduce the number of work hours may be a helpful one in some condition, but perhaps not the most important and essential factors.（主语不明确，idea is not factors?）Some work need to be done in order to make the conclusion more convictive, which may help large firms attract more and better graduates.



写完了，好累啊。总体来说这篇A还是不错，思路很清晰，三个major flaw也比较准。语言也可以，就是有点不太通顺的地方和小毛病，不过都不是很严重。但是缺点就在于没有展开，已经找到攻击点，就要继续使劲，把它给捅破才算过关（不要遐想）。比如a higher standard of joining a large firms ，这一点就可以展开。比如说大公司只要high grade的学生，或者是要前10%的学生。或者是当地的律师产业遭受depression，所以公司不得不layoff，相应的新employee的门槛也就高了。这些都可以说～
其他也没什么了，都写到上面去了～

[ 本帖最后由 ZZCZ_Bishop 于 2008-1-6 19:00 编辑 ]

ZZCZ_BishopUID: 2403776

完蛋了，怎么成这个样子了？
我直接从word里面粘过来的，结果就变样了
麻烦版主改一下了，要不就凑合着看吧