issue144(United小组第四次作业）恳请大家指点！ By M80

M80UID: 2429095

Issue144

144"It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.

Is it the artist or the critic who gives society something of lasting value? It seems that the public tend to bestow honor and praise on artists more, because of their great talent and masterpieces. I concede that artists are the creator of the many art and spiritual treasures. However, at the same time, it can not overshadow the contribution of critics, who direct us to the real treasures among the numerous works.

The abundant art woks we enjoy today are attributed to artists. They are born with preeminent aptitude, which makes them able to seize the essence of the life and nature beneath the external appearances of various phenomena. With all their gifts, artists not only simply observe the world around them, but also contemplate thoroughly. Then, through hard work, they integrate their emotion, feelings and thoughts into their works. From the famous The Four Seasons, which is attributed to Vivaldi, we lose ourselves in the elegant tune and appreciate the beauty of nature. From Mozart’s serenade, we believe that hope and happiness still exist in our lives, no matter how many failures and tragedies we are confronted.

While we bestow praise on artists, we should never overlook critics, who convey the lasting value to the public. The comment from critics serves as a filter to guide us to discover the works with real value. There is no need to point out how many new books are published every year. When we glace at the varieties of covers in bookstores, how can we select what we need and books that are really good to us? When we are in a picture show, or enjoying an album of painting, as novices, without basic knowledge, how can we understand what the artists tend to express in their works? Critics are generally well educated, with abundant knowledge, and are professional in the relevant field, while the public are usually untrained or do not have enough time to choose from uncountable works pouring into our views. Thus, through the interpretation of critics, we are able to appreciate the works from divergent and deeper aspects.

In addition, every criticism is also a valuable creation of a critic, as a result of which, critics are artists to some extent. Because the criticism are the interpretation combined with the critic’s own experience and serious thought. The unique comments from disparate critics can extend our horizon, while they themselves are of art value. For instance, the celebrated French author, Romain Rolland, had wrote biographies for Beethoven and several other great artists, and plenty of music comments. These masterpieces are excellent re-creation, leading us to the artists’ spiritual world.

All in all, thanks to the outstanding inspiration of artists, can we appreciate so many art treasures. Yet, without the contribution of critics, there will be more obstacles for artists to achieve the values of their works.

sololalalaUID: 2387230

Issue144

144"It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.

Is it the artist or the critic who gives society something of lasting value? It seems that the public tend to bestow honor and praise on artists more, because of their great talent and masterpieces.[就这么一句到这里觉得没必要,跟你的观点挂钩不上] I concede that artists are the creator of the many art and spiritual treasures. However, at the same time, it can not overshadow the contribution of critics, who direct us to the real treasures among the numerous works.

The abundant art woks we enjoy today are attributed to artists. They are born with preeminent aptitude, which makes them able to seize the essence of the life and nature beneath the external appearances of various phenomena. [With all their gifts??你是不是要说他们天生的才能], artists not only simply observe the world around them, but also contemplate thoroughly. Then, through hard work, they integrate their emotion, feelings and thoughts into their works. From the famous The Four Seasons, which is attributed to Vivaldi, we lose ourselves in the elegant tune and appreciate the beauty of nature. From Mozart’s serenade, we believe that hope and happiness still exist in our lives, no matter how many failures and tragedies we are confronted.[例子完了.然后呢? 说说这些东西是他们创造出来的,是他们的灵感和精神世界的epitomize比较好.]

While we bestow praise on artists, we should never overlook critics, who convey the lasting value to the public[还加句只有大众认可的价值才是真正意义上lasting是否更好]. The comment from critics serves as a filter to guide us to discover the works with real value. There is no need to point out how many new books are published every year. When we glace at the varieties of covers in bookstores, how can we select what we need and books that are really good to us? When we are in a picture show, or enjoying an album of painting, as novices, without basic knowledge, how can we understand what the artists tend to express in their works? Critics are generally well educated, with abundant knowledge, and are professional in the relevant field, while the public are usually untrained or do not have enough time to choose from uncountable works pouring into our views. Thus, through the interpretation of critics, we are able to appreciate the works from divergent and deeper aspects.

In addition, [这个逻辑词不太好吧]every criticism is also a valuable creation of a critic, as a result of which, critics are artists to some extent. Because the criticism are the interpretation combined with the critic’s own experience and serious thought. The unique comments from disparate critics can extend our horizon, while they themselves are of art value. For instance, the celebrated French author, Romain Rolland, had wrote biographies for Beethoven and several other great artists, and plenty of music comments. These masterpieces are excellent re-creation, leading us to the artists’ spiritual world.

All in all, thanks to the outstanding inspiration of artists, can we appreciate so many art treasures. Yet, without the contribution of critics, there will be more obstacles for artists to achieve the values of their works??应该说让我们更好理解艺术吧

iq28UID: 2152875

144"It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.

Is it the artist or the critic who gives society something of lasting value? It seems that the public tend to bestow honor and praise on artists more, because of their great talent and masterpieces. I concede that artists are the creator of the many art and spiritual treasures. However, at the same time, it can not overshadow the contribution of critics, who direct us to the real treasures among the numerous works.（开头简要表明态度，nice）

The abundant art woks we enjoy today are attributed to artists. They are born with preeminent aptitude, which makes them able to seize the essence of the life and nature beneath the external appearances of various phenomena. （bingo）With all their gifts, artists not only simply observe the world around them, but also contemplate thoroughly. Then, through hard work, they integrate their emotion, feelings and thoughts into their works. From the famous The Four Seasons, which is attributed to Vivaldi, we lose ourselves in the elegant tune and appreciate the beauty of nature. From Mozart’s serenade, we believe that hope and happiness still exist in our lives, no matter how many failures and tragedies we are confronted.（收住，要转回artist和critic的比较，artist的优势一定要得针对住critic来讲，否则意义就不是很大。）

While we bestow praise on artists, we should never overlook critics, who convey the lasting value to the public. The comment from critics serves as a filter to guide us to discover the works with real value. There is no need to point out how many new books are published every year. When we glace at the varieties of covers in bookstores, how can we select what we need and books that are really good to us? When we are in a picture show, or enjoying an album of painting, as novices, without basic knowledge, how can we understand what the artists tend to express in their works? Critics are generally well educated, with abundant knowledge, and are professional in the relevant field, while the public are usually untrained or do not have enough time to choose from uncountable works pouring into our views. Thus, through the interpretation of critics, we are able to appreciate the works from divergent and deeper aspects. （可以层次更清晰一些，点名了两个作用一个是筛选，一个是传达深意。不过楼主的论证已经很成熟了，基本没有什么和段落别处不和谐的漏洞。赞）

In addition, every criticism is also a valuable creation of a critic, as a result of which, critics are artists to some extent. （新颖的观念，让人有欲望读下去。）Because the criticism are the interpretation combined with the critic’s own experience and serious thought. The unique comments from disparate critics can extend our horizon, while they themselves are of art value. （首先while就用的不够准确，这里两个分句之间到底是一个什么关系呢？恐怕不是转折吧。还有就是这个段落实在太单薄了，没有把一个很有潜力的主题句展开，比较可惜。）For instance, the celebrated French author, Romain Rolland, had wrote biographies for Beethoven and several other great artists, and plenty of music comments. These masterpieces are excellent re-creation, leading us to the artists’ spiritual world.

All in all, thanks to the outstanding inspiration of artists, can we appreciate so many art treasures. Yet, without the contribution of critics, there will be more obstacles for artists to achieve the values of their works.

先说文章的优点吧。整体非常均衡，没有什么明显的漏洞，也就是让人看了明显和整个文章水平不相称的失误。文章大致是一个各个木片都差不多长的桶，从观念提出到论证到例证都中规中矩偶有出彩。基本没有什么细节可以改的，因为要改那就是全文改了。整个文章确实做得比较均衡。
缺点：除了第二个主题段落，别的段落都没有发展得很充分。段落之间的关系虽然相当有序，但也没有能够精彩到为自己得到加分的程度。结尾也知识草草了事。这些都是楼主下面进一步可以改进的地方。不过你已经有了相当好的基础，相信坚持下去练习一定会有好结果的。加油！