Issue41 钢琴宝宝 第二次

钢琴宝宝UID: 2303982

41. "Such non-mainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."

Some individuals, if not all, regard nonmainstream areas of inquiry as crucial and essencial part of their life.This field of information and knowledge, such as religion, astrology, and quite a few paranormal exploration,catering to the demand of people, is of profoud significance for society. These items, to some extent, standing above the science and technology, exert immense impact on residents' daily life. Yet, the influence of the nonmainstream field probably will become destructive accompany with the increasingly advancement of the science.

One of the primary function of the probe into the nonmainstream area is that solace those who need to be rescued from pain. Living in the complex and mundane world, the masses of inhabitants suffer from miscellaneous kind of agony. To realize the issue, one should look no further than escaping from the torment of diseases. So desperate if one is told to have the cancer which generally cannot be well cured that he/she will seek for help besides the medical treatment. Therefore, the nonmainstream areas serve as the oasis in the desert to the patients. They began to believe in destiny or fate and are told that people cannot control their life in which way they can be treamendously consoled.

The inquiry to the nonmainstream fields also satisfy the infinite people's curiosity to the future or relieve the anciety to the unknown. Citizens always tend to harness everything as possible as they can that they are subconsciously worry about those out of their control. For instance, several individuals believe in the tarot cards by which they can ask for their work prospect or their opportunity to meet their Mr.Right. It is the very and the only way that they can outlet their anxiety. Via realizing the results of the cards and acquaring useful information, people will feel more comfortable and dispassionate when facing complex and changeable world.

In addition, when numerous phenomenon cannot be explained by the mainstream science, nonmaistream is the only means. A good case in point is Newton, one of the most greatest physist in the history, who devote himself into the exploration of the science when he is young, became a thorough religious man. No one can understand what changed the smart and stubbon scientist exceedingly.And ultimately people believe that Newton cannot solve and understand some phenomenon in the world, therefore attribute it to the control of god. What we discussed is not whether there exists god, but the paranormal exploration's significance when figure out the answer to unknown questions.

However, this seemingly importance may be constantly change in conjunction with the progress of the society. Medical system improved so much that people will not necessitate the console of the faith; develpment of the science and technology guarantees people more information and analysis tool in order to alleviate their stress led by unknown;exploration to the science contributes to some hypothesis to given phenomenon turn out to be true, and thus outweigh the nonmainstream fields.

To sum up, it is undeniable that nonmainstream areas of inquiry exerts brilliantly influence in the society. Otherwise, this vital role depends on the rapid development of the science and technology. And, only if science can solve all the question will the nonmainstream fields exit the stage of the world.        

[ 本帖最后由 钢琴宝宝 于 2008-1-22 09:44 编辑 ]

bryanshawUID: 2239455

Some individuals, if not all, regard nonmainstream areas of inquiry as crucial and essential part of their life. This field of information and knowledge, such as religion, astrology, and quite a few paranormal explorations, catering to the demand of people, is of profound significance for society. These items, to some extent, standing above the science and technology, exert immense impact on residents' daily life. Yet, the influence of the nonmainstream field probably will become destructive accompany with the increasingly advancement of the science. 开头陈述了非主流科学的现状，并且最后一句有转折说其将被科学所毁灭的趋势。意思是明了的，不错，但是似乎没有体现你的主观态度，对这个论题的看法，是支持或反对，或中间态度最好带上一句

One of the primary functions of the probe into the nonmainstream area is that solace those who need to be rescued from pain. Living in the complex and mundane world, the masses of inhabitants suffer from miscellaneous kind of agony. To realize the issue, one should look no further than escaping from the torment of diseases.这句话表达的不好吧，再读读。 So desperate if one is told to have the cancer which generally cannot be well cured that he/she will seek for help besides the medical treatment. Therefore, the nonmainstream areas serve as the oasis in the desert to the patients. They began to believe in destiny or fate and are told that people cannot control their life in which way they can be tremendously consoled. 你这一段似乎只说了疾病没有治疗的办法，所以转而求助非主流科学，但是没有说明它们是怎么起作用的。建议你从人的精神状态本身详细地说一下怎么起到缓解作用的。你的意思很明确，不过表述稍微有些重复

The inquiries to the nonmainstream fields also satisfy the infinite people's curiosity to the future or relieve the anxiety to the unknown. Citizens always tend to harness这词能这么用么？everything as possible as they can that they are subconsciously worry about those out of their control.这里用从句不好吧，that换成，and For instance, several individuals believe in the tarot cards by which they can ask for their work prospect or their opportunity to meet their Mr.Right. It is the very and the only way that they can outlet their anxiety.句法问题，they不能做后面的主语 Via realizing the results of the cards and acquiring useful information, people will feel more comfortable and dispassionate when facing complex and changeable world. 这段讲算命了哈，不过强调的重点又是集中在anxiety上面，你第一句话提到了curiosity，你可以从人们的求知欲望和强烈好奇心方面来解释，这样可能更有说服力。我自己是这么认为，你可以不同意。

In addition, when while numerous phenomenon cannot be explained by the mainstream science, nonmainstream is the only means. A good case in point is Newton, one of the most 去掉greatest physicists in the history, who devote himself into the exploration of the science when he is young, became a thorough religious man. No one can understand what changed the smart and stubborn scientist exceedingly. And ultimately people believe that Newton cannot solve and understand some phenomenon in the world, therefore attribute it to the control of god. 你举牛顿的例子是为了说明非主流可以满足什么需求？满足牛顿个人的才能枯竭？还是满足人类对未知领域的追求？历史上对牛顿研究神学是抱惋惜态度的，这个例子举出来也许会给人不好的感觉。What we discussed is not whether there exists god, but the paranormal exploration's significance when figure out the answer to unknown questions.你这段的主题句是while numerous phenomenon cannot be explained by the mainstream science, nonmainstream is the only means。但是你没有通过论证来说明非主流是怎么达到这个作用的，他是否解释了主流科学无法解释的现象，没有说。而且再加上牛顿的例子，不知道你想用这个例子支撑什么观点。可以想其他的，不过我也不知道。。。呃

However, this seemingly importance may be constantly changed in conjunction with the progress of the society. Medical system improved so much that people will not necessitate the console of the faith; development of the science and technology guarantees people more information and analysis tool in order to alleviate their stress led by unknown; exploration to the science contributes to some hypothesis to given phenomenon turn out to be true, and thus outweigh the nonmainstream fields. 这一段说了非主流可能被主流取代，因为科技发展，但是这一段来的太突然，而且你除了描述现状，缺少自己的态度的表达，是惋惜，还是大势所趋，还是其他？而且这段太单薄。

To sum up, it is undeniable that nonmainstream areas of inquiry exert brilliantly influence in the society. Otherwise,这个词用的不好，However就可以了 this vital role depends on the rapid development of the science and technology. And, only if science can solve all the questions will the nonmainstream fields exit the stage of the world.结尾段的态度还是模棱两可，不爽啊。

        

1 低级错误太多，名次单复数，第三人称单数等等等等错误很多，拼写就不说了。写句子要仔细，有个别句子读着别扭，其实还是结构问题。

2 文章观点不鲜明，我知道你是在选择先赞非主流，最后让步说明科学是其无用武之地，但是从开头开始你就应该说出你的观点，而不是陈述现象。你告诉读者非主流正在因为科学发展而受损，但是读者不知道你是赞成的还是反对的，你如果加上一句，很显然，非主流科学由于歪曲了事实，给人们生活带来了误解，他正在逐渐被人所抛弃。那么你的态度才够明确。

3 文章结构不好，前面一堆，三段都讲非主流存在的必要，但是后面突然来个转折，很突兀，没衔接好。而且街尾段和文章内容的主次有不是很吻合。

4 我只说了你的缺点，没说优点，其实写的还是很不错的，如果是限时的话，这么难的题目能写这么多已经很好了。我到现在没敢写这类题材的呵呵。咱俩别客气，我不喜欢，要拍就重拍，希望你也别留情哈。

[ 本帖最后由 bryanshaw 于 2008-1-23 12:16 编辑 ]