Issue51 Thrive小组第1次作业 第一篇issue 求拍

WraithboyUID: 2283931

【题目】Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
【翻译】只有针对每个学生的需要和兴趣，教育才真正的有意义。
提纲：  观点：兴趣教育与大众化教育并重。
   1.  兴趣是学习的向导，每个人的兴趣各不相同，满足个人兴趣可以提高效率，发挥人的潜能，忽略兴趣则会埋没人的潜能。
   2  兴趣教育也有一些缺陷：1.中小学生对自己兴趣不了解 2 兴趣教育的基础是generalization 3 .资源有限
   3   总结.

正文：
  Undoubtedly,we could promote our education through meeting the individual needs and interests of each student,But over specified education is inefficient and will narrow down students’ ken. Compared with only concerning about individual interests, balancing the specified education and general education which refers to the teaching of basic subjects is none the less a better way .

  Firstly, interests is, definitely , the best guide of study, no one can deny the fact that people always perform well in the things they are interested in. And people’s  interests differs from others, there are no two people in the world share completely the same interests. As a result, in order to fully develop one’s potential , we should satisfy one’s specified needs. Only in this way , education can be efficiently suited for evreryone. On the contrary, if we overlook people’s interests and teach all the students almost the same courses, many people’s potential talent will be suppressed neglected. Can you inmagine that if Yao Ming do not play basketball but work in a research lab?

  Secondly, however, overspecified education also has many problems. First,  students of primary or junior school are not well qualified to find what their real interests and decide which filed they will work in in the future. So specified education in primary and junior school may have little effects. Second , Specified education lies in generalization. For some basic couses like mathmatics , physics , language and so on, which will almost be used in every aspects, can we simply eliminate them from some students’s syllabus? The answer is considerable. Lacking the support of these subjects, one can not do some cross-subjects research and be feetered in a narrow field. Thirdly, even if specified education will bring us more benefits than losses, our limited teaching resources do not allow us to implement overspecified education. Now from primary school to university, they can not provide whatever course that students want to study . If they satisfy every student’s need, the expense of hiring teachers and buying teaching facilities is huge, also the school will be exthaused in managing the huge amount of courses !

  To sum up, we should both emphasize the general education and the specified education . For example, most of universities now acquire their students to finish several basic subjects course before they graduate from school, at the mean time , they also offer their students plenty more elective courses. The students can not only master the basic subjects well but also enhance their personal interests. The combination of specified education and the general education ,in my view, is the truly effective way.

[ 本帖最后由 Wraithboy 于 2008-2-2 18:06 编辑 ]

yiyilovUID: 2312799

Undoubtedly, we could promote our education through meeting the individual needs and interests of each student, but over specified education is inefficient and will narrow down students’ ken. Compared with only concerning about individual interests, balancing the specified education and general education which refers to the teaching of basic subjects is none the less a better way. (这个句子写的好!)

  Firstly, interests(interest) is, definitely , the best guide of study, no one can deny the fact that people always perform well in the things(task) they are interested in. And people’s (each individual's) interests differs from others, there are no two people in the world share completely the same interests. As a result, in order to(这两个短语好像不能连用,中文的逻辑语序是对的,但英文不是) fully develop one’s potential(bring one's potential into full play这个我确定是这样说,在一本书上专门学过) , we should satisfy one’s specified needs. Only in this way, education can be efficiently suited for everyone. On the contrary, if we overlook people’s interests and teach all the students almost the same courses, many people’s potential talent will be suppressed (and) neglected. Can you imagine that if Yao Ming do not play basketball but work in a research lab? (AW中最好不要出现带I you等主语的句型,否则会显得不客观,不严肃,不正统可以改成no one can imagine或One can not imagine或How to imagine)

  Secondly, however,(这两个也没见过放到一起,谨慎点还是查查问问) overspecified education also has many problems. First,  students of primary or junior school are not well qualified to find what their real interests(are) and (to)加个to更易理解decide which filed they will work in in the future. So(可以换成therefore,accordingly,consequently等精彩点) specified education in primary and junior school may have little effects. Second , Specified education lies in generalization. For some basic couses like mathmatics , physics , language and so on, which will almost be(are almost)这里用一般时就好,因为说的是真理used in every aspects, can we simply eliminate them from some students’s syllabus? The answer is considerable(这个词一般指大量吧,可以换成doubtful,questionable). Lacking the support of these subjects, one can not do some cross-subjects research and be feetered in a narrow field. Thirdly, even if specified education will(虚拟语气应该用would吧 ?) bring us more benefits than losses, our limited teaching resources do not allow us to implement overspecified education.(不能说resources allow people物使人怎样怎样吧?) Now from primary school to university, they(they指代上文中的谁?改为the administration of school比较清楚点吧) can not provide whatever course that students want to study . If they satisfy every student’s need, the expense of hiring teachers and buying teaching facilities is(would be) huge, also the school will be exthaused in managing the huge amount of courses ! (感叹号慎用,因为和中文的使用情况不一样,我到现在还不知道除了感叹句,还能在什么情况下使用...汗)

  To sum up, we should both emphasize the general education and the specified education . For example, most of (the) universities now acquire(require) their students to finish several basic subjects course(courses) before they graduate from school, at the mean time , they(要注意你的代词使用,前面刚指代完学生,这又指代学校,易造成误解) also offer their students plenty more(plenty more?) elective courses. The students can not only master the basic subjects well but also enhance their personal interests. The combination of specified education and the general education ,in my view, is the truly effective way.

感觉要是正文能写三段,能更充分些.

正文第一段你主要说兴趣和潜能发挥的关系,就没提到教育的效率,就说了一句Only in this way , education can be efficiently suited for evreryone.给人很突然的感觉,要是能再加几句,把逻辑链弄完整了最好,第一段一开头也没有把中心句摆出来,这样就有跑题,不切题之嫌,虽然按照我们中国人的逻辑和智慧,我完全可以理解你的意思,但对那些american idiot就不一定了,保险起见,还是说的清楚明白直接的好.我现在在写作中也十分注意这点,因为我也会不自觉的出现这些问题.

正文第二段,第一点没有论据,没有论据的观点还不如不写.第二点没问题,第三点,要是我,不会让步说就算针对性教育利大于弊,前面已经充分阐述了不能光搞针对性教育,后面再假设针对性教育利大于弊,我感觉不太合适,可以直接说其实施上有问题,从而加强了主题论点.

你的开头结尾都写的很好,整篇文章语言语法都不错,英文功底可见一班,已经考过托福了是吧?逻辑论述也可以,只是有些小问题,注意下就会好的,以后还是跟我说一下你的文章类型吧,比如:平衡型,有保留的反对,有保留的支持,全面反对或支持等,这样我改起来有方向感一些.还有，下次交作业前用word检查一下错误。最后,要一起进步,加油噢!


[ 本帖最后由 yiyilov 于 2008-2-5 22:06 编辑 ]