Issue130 by zephyrqq

zephyrqqUID: 2260290

ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."
        日期：2008-2-15 18:39:07  words 914

The education of our children, who will build the future of our communities, nations, and the whole world,  played a crucial role in determining the destiny of society. Does the fate of our society depend merely on the extend to which children are socialized?  In the viewpoint of some expert from the circle of education, socialization is of great significance to some degree, but socialization alone can not serve as a determinant factor of the contribution which a child would make to future society. Actually, our education system have already successfully cultivated numerous generation of children who have been working to improve the society consistently.

It is understandable that children, who are better socialized, might be likely to devote more to society than those who are not so well socialized, when they have grown up. What one does not have to go very far to see is that an extraordinarily large number of good citizens are citizens who have learned how to communicate with their peer, who have known how to learn from others, who have mastered the skill to deal with of interpersonal relationship, even who have realized their social responsibility, when they were only children. All of these knowledge, skills and virtue, which are of extremely great importance for them to  adapt themselves to society and to achieve wonderful accomplishment, can be acquired in the procedure of the so-called socialization. In the light of this statement, the socialization of children actually prepare good citizen for our society and therefore could help to bring a better society.

Nevertheless, the socialization alone can not determine if a child can contribute significantly to building a better society. Other features such as how well they grasp their professional knowledge and skills, their strength and courage to overcome the hardship that prevent their success, their optimism about a brighter future and so forth, are also of dispensable value. Only the combination of all these variables could decide whether a person can serve as vital role in the progress of our society. Take vocational capacity for example. None of us would expect one who know little about the field of his or her profession to be competent to his or her job, let alone make prominent contribution to society. This case illustrate the point that a better future society requires our educational system do something more than socialized our children.

Moreover, even if the socialization of a person were prevented in his or her childhood, it would not necessarily mean that he or she could not devote as great as others. Helen Keller is a good case in this point. Being completely deft and blind after a serious disease when she was only nineteen months old, little Helen, lived with a horrible world of sheer dark and dreadful silence, painfully and despairingly found it almost impossible for her to communicate with anyone around her. In spite of the fact that physical deficiency was a barrier to her socialization during her early period of life, she, with her own strong will and the help of her personal teacher Miss Sullivan, had marvelously conquered a huge number of unimaginable hardships, and finally become a great write who inspired people all over the world with courage and hope. Thus, sometimes it seems that children’s socialization is not so essential in making a individual work for a better society, at least it could not be view as a decisive one.

Acting on the contention that the socialization of children is far from sufficient to grow up children who can create a better society in the future, educators have designed a series of courses and developed some systematic teaching methods, in order to cultivate children comprehensively by imparting them knowledge interpersonal skills and encouraging them cherish virtues, including loyalty, integrity, bravery, goodness and so on. As a enjoyable result of their effort, we are actually enjoying a increasingly better society, In this society, which is experiencing conspicuous improvement in not only natural science and technology but also apparent advance in art and social science. The living standard of human being has being enhanced by the advent of various kind of inventions, such as telephone, air-condition, computer, plane and so forth. Besides, a growing value has been attached to the freedom and equality of everyone, so that some groups of people used to be unfairly regard as inferior to others have begun to own their deserved rights. Nowadays, in more and more areas women enjoy a better social condition than ever before, they share the opportunities with men to receive an education and find a job, a woman can even get the same salaries as a men if the work they finished is the same. If this world we lived in is a society in which people can lead a more comfortable life, in which freedom and equality are more highly respected and people become more friendly to each other, which, in a word, is actually a ever-better society, we could confidently say that we have learned how to educated our children effectively., for the reason that people who works for the improvement of this world were children several decades ago.

Besides the emphasis on children’s socialization, other factors, such as knowledge, will and courage and so forth, cooperate to determine whether them can contribute to the evolvement of society. Fortunately, we have learned how to bring up children who can create a better society, and have already raised and been raising so many ones.

[ 本帖最后由 zephyrqq 于 2008-3-6 19:20 编辑 ]

wy86917UID: 2335014

ISSUE130 - "How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."        日期：2008-2-15 18:39:07  words 914 The education of our children, who will built the future of our communities, nations, and the whole world,  played a crucial role in determine（determining） the destiny of society. Does the fate of our society depend merely on the extend to which children are socialized?  In the viewpoint of some expert(s) from the circle of education, socialization is of great significance to some degree, but socialization alone can not serve as a determinant factor of the contribution ( 少介词) which a child would make to future society. Actually, our education system have already successfully cultivated numerous generation of children who have been working to better（？？？perfect / improve …） the society consistently. It is understandable that children, who are better socialized, might be likely to devote more to society than those who are not so well socialized, when they have grown up. What one does not have to go very far to see is that an extraordinarily large number of good citizens are citizens who have learned how to communicate with their peer, who have known how to learn from others, who have master the skill to deal with of interpersonal relationship, even who have realized their social responsibility, when they were only children. All of these knowledge, skills and virtue, which are of extremely great importance for them to  adapt themselves to society and achieve wonderful accomplishment, can be acquired in the procedure of the so-called socialization. In the light of this statement, the socialization of children actually prepare good citizen for our society and therefore could help to bring a better society. Nevertheless, the socialization alone can not determine (even) if a child can contribute significantly to building a better society. Other features such as how well they grasp their professional knowledge and skills, their strength and courage to overcome the hardship that prevent their success, their optimism about a brighter future and so forth, are also of dispensable value. Only the combination of all these variables could decide whether a person can serve as vital role in the progress of our society. Take vocational capacity for example. None of us would expect one who know little about the field of his or her profession to be competent to his or her job, let alone make prominent contribution to society. This case illustrate the point that a better future society requires our educational system do something more than socialized our children. Moreover, even if the socialization of a person were prevented in his or her childhood, it would not necessarily mean that he or she could not devote as great as others. Helen Keller is a good case in this point. Being completely deft and blind after a serious disease when she was only nineteen months old, little Helen, lived with a horrible world of sheer dark and dreadful silence, painfully and despairingly found it almost impossible for her to communicate with anyone around her. In spite of the fact that physical deficiency was a barrier to her socialization during her early period of life, she, with her own strong will and the help of her personal teacher Miss Sullivan, had marvelously conquered a huge number of unimaginable hardships, and finally become a great write who inspired people all over the world with courage and hope(好例子). Thus, sometimes it seems that children’s socialization is not so essential in making a individual work for a better society, at least it could not be view as a decisive one. Acting on the contention that the socialization of children is far from sufficient to grow up children who can create a better society in the future, educators have designed a series of courses and developed some systematic teaching methods, in order to cultivate children comprehensively by imparting them knowledge interpersonal skills and encouraging them cherish virtues, including loyalty, integrity, bravery, goodness and so on. As a enjoyable result of their effort, we are actually enjoying a increasingly better society, In this society, which is experiencing conspicuous improvement in not only natural science and technology but also apparent advance in art and social science. The living standard of human being has being enhanced by the advent of various kind of inventions, such as telephone, air-condition, computer, plane and so forth. Besides, a growing value has been attached to the freedom and equality of everyone, so that some groups of people used to be unfairly regard as inferior to others have begun to own their deserved rights. Nowadays, in more and more areas women enjoy a better social condition than ever before, they share the opportunities with men to receive an education and find a job, a woman can even get the same salaries as a men if the work they finished is the same. If this world we lived in is a society in which people can lead a more comfortable life, in which freedom and equality are more highly respected and people become more friendly to each other, which, in a word, is actually a ever-better society, we could confidently say that we have learned how to educated our children effectively., for the reason that people who works for the improvement of this world were children several decades ago. Besides the emphasis on children’s socialization, other factors, such as knowledge, will and courage and so forth, cooperate to determine whether them can contribute to the evolvement of society. Fortunately, we have learned how to bring up children who can create a better society, and have already raised and been raising so many ones. 说三点： 1 惊人的字数。。。 2 很多基础性的错误，包括拼写、语法错误及词性误用 3 个别例子可以适当精简些。。。（比如海伦那个，而且其中的SOCIALIZAITON没有特别被突出的感觉。。。）

xiahsoulUID: 2441730

The education of our children, who will build the future of our communities, nations, and the whole world,  played a crucial role in determining the destiny of society. Does the fate of our society depend merely on the extend(extent) to which children are socialized?  In the viewpoint of some expert(experts) from the circle of education, socialization is of great significance to some degree, but socialization alone can not serve as a determinant factor of the contribution which a child would make to future society. Actually, our education system have already successfully cultivated numerous generation of children who have been working to improve the society consistently.

It is understandable that children, who are better socialized, might be likely to devote more to society than those who are not so well socialized, when they have grown up. What one does not have to go very far to see is that an extraordinarily large number of good citizens are citizens who have learned how to communicate with their peer, who have known how to learn from others, who have mastered the skill to deal with of interpersonal relationship, even who have realized their social responsibility, when they were only children. All of these knowledge, skills and virtue, which are of extremely great importance for them to adapt themselves to society and to achieve wonderful accomplishment, can be acquired in the procedure of the so-called socialization. In the light of this statement, the socialization of children actually prepare good citizen for our society and therefore could help to bring a better society.

Nevertheless, the socialization alone can not determine if a child can contribute significantly to building a better society. Other features such as how well they grasp their professional knowledge and skills, their strength and courage to overcome the hardship that prevent their success, their optimism about a brighter future(觉得这里表达不太流畅，没见过optimism about~~,可以用belief in a brighter future) and so forth, are also of dispensable value. Only the combination of all these variables could decide whether a person can serve as vital role in the progress of our society. Take vocational capacity for example. None of us would expect one who know(knows) little about the field of his or her profession to be competent to his or her job, let alone make prominent contribution to society. This case illustrate（illustrates） the point that a better future society requires our educational system do something more than socialized our children.

Moreover, even if the socialization of a person were prevented in his or her childhood, it would not necessarily mean that he or she could not devote as great as others. Helen Keller is a good case in this point. Being completely deft(deft是熟练的意思，聋是deaf) and blind after a serious disease when she was only nineteen months old, little Helen, lived with a horrible world of sheer dark and dreadful silence, painfully and despairingly found it almost impossible for her to communicate with anyone around her. In spite of the fact that physical deficiency was a barrier to her socialization during her early period of life, she, with her own strong will and the help of her personal teacher Miss Sullivan, had marvelously conquered a huge number of unimaginable hardships, and finally become a great write who inspired people all over the world with courage and hope. Thus, sometimes it seems that children’s socialization is not so essential in making a individual work for a better society, at least it could not be view as a decisive one.(对于很多很熟悉的例子不用这么详细的介绍，一般都是要介绍title + background, 如果是名人的话)

Acting on the contention that the socialization of children is far from sufficient to grow up children who can create a better society in the future, educators have designed a series of courses and developed some systematic teaching methods, in order to cultivate children comprehensively by imparting them knowledge interpersonal skills and encouraging them cherish virtues, including loyalty, integrity, bravery, goodness and so on. As a（an） enjoyable result of their effort, we are actually enjoying a increasingly better society, In this society, which is experiencing conspicuous improvement in not only natural science and technology but also apparent advance in art and social science. The living standard of human being has being enhanced by the advent of various kind of inventions, such as telephone, air-condition, computer, plane and so forth. Besides, a growing value has been attached to the freedom and equality of everyone, so that some groups of people used to be unfairly regard as inferior to others have begun to own their deserved rights. Nowadays, in more and more areas women enjoy a better social condition than ever before, they share the opportunities with men to receive an education and （to）find a job, a woman can even get the same salaries as a men if the work they finished is the same. If this world we lived in is a society in which people can lead a more comfortable life, in which freedom and equality are more highly respected and people become more friendly to each other, which, in a word, is actually a ever-better society, we could confidently say that we have learned how to educated our children effectively., for the reason that people who works for the improvement of this world were children several decades ago.

Besides the emphasis on children’s socialization, other factors, such as knowledge, will and courage and so forth, cooperate to determine whether them can contribute to the evolvement of society. Fortunately, we have learned how to bring up children who can create a better society, and have already raised and been raising so many ones.

首先来两个字：佩服！@
我的总是很难得写出这么多  光从有话可说方面就很值得学习了
再来点建议：
一定要多看看介词搭配  这个算低级错误扣分很严重的
还是语言方面的：可以尝试多用些高级词汇

[ 本帖最后由 xiahsoul 于 2008-2-17 02:50 编辑 ]