作文求修改

alarmxUID: 2484199

Describe how you behave in problem-solving and explain why.

In the information era, time and energy are becoming the most precious resources one have in problem-solving, particularly when people are trying to solve as many problems as they can with least time and energy. Personally I would like to put a previous experience and a considerate plan on the top of the choice list.

Nothing could be better undergone if without a previous experience as a textbook either of success or of failure. Those winners of gold medals at sports field cannot even win if they ignore the previous failures and success. As for me, a student of social anthropology, chances that I meet complicated problems are great. So I cannot let myself lost in the ocean of possibilities of not solving the problems well. What I can do is to see other anthropologists work of the specific field area, in order to set up my own schedule and strategy. In other words, a sufficient old experience, whether good or bad, can predict the problems in some levels, which could help sovle the problem.

A good plan covering time and energy cost could be a best teacher for greehand as me when meeting new problems. Admittedly, there are some kinds of problems which we can barely find any experience about simply because they are brand new. Take the softare field as an example, for a programmer, he or she might have no knowledge of what problem would occur when it is processing to the next stage. In other words, he or she could not gain any experience automatically. Therefore, a considerate plan is urgent to be made, covering the possible time and energy cost, compared with the difficulty and problems that might be foreseen. Without a plan, you might cost the whole day to figure out an error that has little to do with the main project.


Some people might also say it is quite necessary to stick to some problems no matter how huge the cost of time or energy is. Although this might sound true, it is clear that people at my age would probably disagree with the statement because we are living at a rapid changing pace. We not only are incapable to predict the loss of the unsuccessful problem-solving that may occur, but also unknown to any feature of the coming problems. This means it is us who should take the chance to either learn from the past or to take action according to a plan, not the coming problem that will scare us away or make us miserable.

In order to access to the problem-solving efficiently, I believe that we need focus on the past which is always the best teacher of ours. In addition to that, we are also require to make a considerate plan as a guideline to the procedure of solving the problem.

[ 本帖最后由 alarmx 于 2008-4-19 10:04 编辑 ]

hyacinthUID: 2184492

In the information era, time and energy are becoming the most precious resources one have in problem-solving, particularly when people are trying to solve as many problems as they can with least time and energy. Personally I would like to put a previous experience and a considerate plan on the top of the choice list. [这个on the top of the choice list放在这个句子里感觉有点怪怪的.如果是我说什么什么是我的首选,我会用top / first priority.]

Nothing could be better undergone if without a previous experience as a textbook either of success or of failure. Those winners of gold medals at sports field cannot even win if they ignore the previous failures and success. [想给例子和细节其实很简单.把之前的这个句子做个扩句就好了.说一个具体的运动员,最好能是美国人家喻户晓的,比如Michael Jordan. 那跟他对应的sports field就是NBA.再简单的介绍下他的背景,他的成功是如何建立在没有忽略他之前的打球经验的基础上的. 不过说到这, 前两天好像还在哪看到Jordan还真的说过类似的话:他之所以成功是因为他不断的失败.] As for me, a student of social anthropology, chances that I meet complicated problems are great. So I cannot let myself lost in the ocean of possibilities of not solving the problems well. What I can do is to see other anthropologists [→anthropologists’] work of the specific field area, in order to set up my own schedule and strategy. [一个分论点给出一个具体的例子就好了,两个有点嫌多了.] In other words, a sufficient old experience, whether good or bad, can predict the problems in some levels, which could help sovle [→solve. TYPO 1.] the problem. [什么样才能被称为sufficient old experience? [你前面几乎没有任何铺垫,这里就直接说in other words blah blah blah, 是不是太突然了? T的文章对逻辑性要求虽不像G那么严谨, 但是文章内容的连贯性还是很重要的.]

A good plan covering time and energy cost [读起来会很疙瘩] could be a [→the] best teacher for greehand [→green hand. TYPO 2.]as me when meeting new problems [我理解的这个plan应该是你自己制定的吧, 那它又怎么反过来指导作为新人的你呢]. Admittedly, there are some kinds of problems which we can barely find any experience about [about删掉] simply because they are brand new. Take the softare [→software. TYPO 3.] field as an example, for a programmer, he or she might have no knowledge of what problem would occur when it [这个it指什么?] is processing to the next stage. [也是同样的问题.继续做扩句.其实这个例子也很好举啊.开发windows的人当年学的可是DOS不是么?] In other words, he or she could not gain any experience automatically. Therefore, a considerate plan is urgent to be made, covering the possible time and energy cost, compared with the difficulty and problems that might be foreseen.[这句我看的不是很懂,最好能重写下] Without a plan, you might cost [→spend] the whole day to figure out an error that has little to do with the main project. [如果你不能全面的把一个观点阐述好,就主攻其中的一个方面.你这个段子如果是想说可能会有些问题是之前碰不到的,就不要再说plan是否经济和有效率.或者考虑调整下各句的顺序. 因为目前你两个都想说的结果是两个都没有阐述好.]

Some people might also say it is quite necessary to stick to some [很多时候觉得自己写的东西空是因为用了太多的some.有some的地方都可以考虑be specific] problems no matter how huge the cost of time or energy is. Although this might sound true, it is clear that people at my age would probably disagree with the statement because we are living at a rapid changing pace. [个人觉得你这句的因不能很好的解释它的果.就从字面上看rapid changing pace和unnecessary to stick to some problems有内在联系吗? 你自己明白其中的逻辑不行, 你要让你的读者明白.] We not only are [→are not only] incapable to predict the loss of the unsuccessful problem-solving that may occur, but also unknown to [ 你这句的主语是we. 通常会用unknown to sb, 但很少会用sb is unknown to. 如果是我, 我可能会用unfamiliar with / unaware of] any feature of the coming problems. This means it is us who should take the chance to either learn from the past or to take action according to a plan, not the coming problem that will scare us away or make us miserable.

In order to access to [to删去.access做动词的时候是及物的] the problem-solving efficiently, I believe that we need focus on the past which is always the best teacher of ours. In addition to that, we are also require [→required] to make a considerate plan as a guideline to the procedure of solving the problem.

先问下这个题目是在JJ里找的吗?

觉得你的主要问题不在英语表达上, 而在于怎么样去写好一篇议论文,怎样把道理讲清楚.
根据你的结尾, 我判断你这篇文章的主要观点是说需要经验,同时还要有个周到的计划.但你文章body部分给我的感觉就是两个观点纠缠在一起, 不知道你的中心论点是什么.而且文章内容有些不连贯.
至于你说的空洞问题,这个我在你文章里指出来了.平时有空可以练习写例子,展开句子. 还有写议论文的时候, 千万不能把你的读者想的很聪明, 让他们去分析你的立场, 应该是你主动的引导读者跟着你的道理和论据走.所以一旦你文章出现了说的不清楚的地方,读者的思路就断了,就会让人觉得你的文章缺乏过渡.

恩.希望你没有被我以上的话吓到.;) 总之, 一般语言没有太大问题,多练习几篇写顺了,就知道如何做好承上启下,然后有了自己习惯的结构,最后都能拿个不错的分数的~~;d:

alarmxUID: 2484199

Thank you A LOT!